My new personality: from fitting to vaccination

Personal vaccination is a metaphor inspired by the practice of garden grafting. If a wild apple tree grows in the garden, special cuttings can be planted to it in a special way. If the cuttings have got accustomed and have grown together, wildly a cultivated plant is quickly formed in place of the wild, and even with normal fruits. In the field of practical psychology, such a procedure can be carried out in the process of personality development, giving the same good results. How is it done?

A person has his way of life, his habits and habitual self-awareness: his self. "That’s the kind of person I am, this is my character and I usually live like this..." A person has the right to be what he is, but we, together with we have the right to think about other possibilities. If a person becomes interested (or we are interested in him), we can offer him a new, more attractive and worthy lifestyle, to offer a new, more interesting model of his personality.

More precisely, a set of his new personalities. Because why have one when you can have a lot?

The first step and the main condition of mastering a new personal role (model, image) is choice, the person’s internal consent to this, interest and desire to do it. In life, not everything happens consciously here: often a person is thrown the seed, the thought begins to wander, in the unconscious ripens, only after that everything is made consciously: "I’m interested, I want it!"

A person usually takes a positive decision and is interested if he is prepared for it. For example, a young man, who is not very confident in himself, is offered a role of an active leader in the training camp. If a young person believes that being a leader is worthy if he is going to be supported by others in this role, especially if he has already seen several people who have mastered this role, he will probably take an interest in this proposal. If during the discussion he realizes that there is nothing to fear, failure does not threaten him, and success promises new opportunities in life - he will at least try. Feeling the support of others and receiving applause for letting small, but winning this way - he will understand that he can in principle. If, as a result of the discussion, he realizes that the role of a leader for him is promising in life, he can use it to achieve his goals in life faster, he will begin to practice this role more and more often, mastering it step by step.

The second step is trying on a new personal role. If a person becomes interested and does not mind, we are pulling together a new mold with a common effort on his old personality. We help him build a new, more decent body (the right back, various facial expressions, smart, reliable and gentle hands), discuss his old non-adaptive beliefs and possible replacement of them with new, more promising ones; give new, rich culture, we engraft new feelings... Gradually a person learns to think in a new way, feel richer, move freely - learns to live in a new way, as it should. While this new is not grown and worn still badly, such behavior often turns out to be only a mask. New - always at first someone else’s. Over time, when this personality is mastered and internal, it will become a new personal style and spiritual skills.

Mastering a new personal model sometimes goes easily, with enthusiasm, requires only technical elaboration and development of natural habits to a new image of personality. In other cases, a new personal image can cause internal inconveniences, difficulties and sometimes protests. The first fitting is usually found. With this you need to understand each time specifically, what is it? It can be accidental dislike of meeting with a new one, which is usually always a little bit strange at first, and you can not pay attention to this at all. If this is a fear of a completely new life, this is also not scary. Do not be afraid, life is beautiful! It is more difficult if it is a fear to admit that your whole life before this was an unsuccessful preparation... It is not easy to recognize this, sometimes it requires a leisurely rather psychotherapeutic work, sometimes it can be decided by a determined and energetic breakthrough.

In some cases, the attempt to master a new personal image is confronted with an objective discrepancy between actual values ​​and, in the end, the physical constitution of a person. We tried, but it does not fit. So, we take pictures, this is not ours. We are all different, and the most ideal model for someone is the Procrustean bed. There is nothing fatal here, it’s only fitting, and if a man tried it on, vilified and realized that he still does not fit, he can always return to his former image and life style. He acquired a new experience without losing the old one.

It is important not to make a decision prematurely. The first unsuccessful attempt can only say that this first attempt was unsuccessful, and it is necessary to try several more times and some time. How much, how long? Typically, the fitting of most personal models and images of the week is enough. Everything depends on the quality of the offer and the price: if a person is offered decent models and mastering them is not too burdensome, people do not refuse such updates and are in a hurry to replenish their personal wardrobe. In any case, this second step ends with the fact that a person makes a decision. For example: "Yes, it’s promising, I want to live this way and be that way." Or - "No, this is not mine."

​​​​​​​The third step is actually mastering. That is life in a new image and style, harmonization with other internal personal roles and images, the development of a habit. Personal enhancement will become convenient only if a person uses it, will wear it. In a new suit, you have to get used to the new personality, you have to get used to it, in addition, new elements of personality should be harmonized with everything else that was characteristic of a person before.

The two main styles of development are frontal assault and a calm siege. In the mode of frontal assault, a person takes on a new personal role, a new personal image at once and for the whole day, then only increasing tasks and making the game more and more profound and interesting. It is time-consuming and energy-intensive, but for strong people it’s bright and effective. In the regime of a calm siege, a person learns some elements of a new style, separately learns the gait, separately gestures, once allows several new phrases for himself, and chooses for these experiments only free, relaxed time. Both frontal assault and calm siege have their pluses and minuses.

Harmonization of a new personal image requires reconciling it with previous patterns of behavior and personal habits. As a rule, tactics are more justified not to destroy the old way of life and old habits, but to leave them in local situations for special tasks. It is not always easy to get out of old habits, but it is not always necessary, because with a reasonable, masterful approach, they can also be useful.

A man knows how to whine well - fine, let him leave those pitiful eyes for his beloved, when she really wants to pity him. If a man is easily fierce and powerful aggressively, this is also not bad, it is always useful for sports games and rich sex. All is well when used at the right time and in the right way.

In any case, if the personal model, lifestyle, feelings and culture for a person are new, unaccustomed, they will need to get used to. Sooner or later, accustoming happens almost always: if you are long successfully in a role and do not distance yourself from it, deliberately repeating: "It’s not me, it’s not mine, it’s someone else’s!", A new personal role becomes a part of us. Before, the stranger gradually becomes his own. And not just his own, but identified with I. Any personal roles leave their imprint on the soul, and over time, as a rule, they grow to the soul, they sprout and become a new self (or an element of self). From the outside - become internal.

Accordingly, this is the task of active personal growth - to build on I a new personality, make it my new self, turn small shoots into a new life, so that personal roles become a habit and a way of life, so that a new way of life becomes natural and native.

Be prepared for the fact that the new way of life will be in conflict with the previous environment: yes, that’s what usually happens. What to do? Actively and consciously form a new environment. How? See the article "How to work on yourself", or even better - get up on the Distance. There you are guaranteed to get an environment that will support you and stimulate your work on yourself.

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