Автор: Н.И. Козлов

I do not want to go to school (teenager)

The reader writes:

... My son is 12 years old and recently it turns out that he regularly (for several days) skips school. In the morning I feed him breakfast, send him to school, I go to work myself, and he walks about two to three hours, then comes home from school, every evening he takes lessons, collects a briefcase, and in the morning instead of school - we again walk . Began to find out - why? The answer is one: I do not want to!

Problems with teachers he does not have, on the contrary - "favorite of the public", with classmates too. Promised that more of this will not happen again, "swore and swore", I began to accompany him to school, absenteeism ceased. But yesterday I had to work early and sent him alone - again did not reach! In the evening, looking into my eyes, he claims that he was at school. And again, promises, tears, "I will not be any more." In the morning I took him to school again, like a first-grader by the hand. What can be done in this situation? And there is no trust in the child, it’s hard for him, and me, every evening to ask: was at school or not, call classmates, check.

What to do?

The first is to understand what difficulties the child has, and to solve them together with him. If he has lagged behind one or another subject - to sit with him, to figure it out with him, to catch up and overtake classmates on these subjects. And basically teach your child to learn. What will help you in this? Read Simon Soloveichik’s book "Teaching with enthusiasm: Tips for school children" and my article "On the format, or What kind of destiny will we give to our children?"

It happens that the matter is different: for example, your child has a conflict with classmates or with a teacher. This situation is more complicated, sometimes the advice from M. Kravtsova’s article "A child-outcast in the classroom (advice to teachers and parents)" will sometimes help, and sometimes it is easier to change school than to change the situation in a particular school.

The most radical step in this direction is to stop taking the child to school and go to home schooling. Writes the reader:

If a child is not interested in developing and learning something new - this is a very, very serious "bell". And he calls that this desire (absolutely natural, inherent in every person from birth) in the child is already crushed. By whom? A school that does not give joy, and parents who insist on such a school. Who needs such studies? A child who is collected from year to year in school, examines lessons, scolds because of grades, studies are not needed initially. It is only necessary for his parents. Everyone did not want to go to school in the mornings, but they walked along and SIT UP THE PARTY AND DID THE VIEW THAT they had studied. Do not lie to yourself. Although - not right, learned! We learned hypocrisy. This is called "we bent, now we are bending" ... the cycle of sadomasochistic ... And break this vicious circle? Is it weak?

Note: despite the categorical nature, there is a grain of truth in this opinion. See →

It is clear that the most intelligent parents begin to take care of all this much earlier, raise the child’s real independence even before school and teach the child to go to school from the first class. There is an excellent rule: "In the first grade, you need to sit and study together with the child." Teach - all the remaining years the child will study himself, and you will be free. "If you in the first class decided that the child should show independence and lessons - his business, business will end with the fact that starting from the second class you will do all your lessons with your child for all the following years. " Teach your child to learn, and he will receive joy from his studies!

A happy reader writes:

My son is also 10 years old. Daughter is 12. From the second grade they learn for themselves. They assemble their briefcases themselves, they understand their teachers themselves, if they forget to bring something, fix the «2" for the notebooks left at home, prepare the form for themselves the next day, monitor the availability of clean shirts in the closet, dress themselves, take a shower and brush their teeth at all with 5-year-olds, write their own homework, they themselves recognize them from their classmates, if they forget to write down, they learn the lessons themselves, receive and correct the deuces themselves, if they have not learned, etc. But there was no desire to go to school at the same time. On the contrary, if you are studying for YOURSELF, then you have MOTIVATION to learn well-to gain knowledge, to enter the institute in order to get the profession that you want, etc. Moreover, even if this requires going to some conscious sacrifice, for example, to teach mathematics or a story that does not like it.

Letter from Gleb

Hello, my name is Gleb, I’m 13 years old. I was already tortured by the school, I was very tired. On the one hand, I understand that it is necessary to study. The story (for example, a thing that I hate deeply, incidentally), for example, is needed to understand the mistakes of states and make the right decisions. And so with everything. This all, as they say, can be useful to me in life. But this is equivalent to the fact that I collect bottles on the street, they say, extra money will not interfere, but you can do without it. In short, I have a lot of deep thinking on this topic. But I will say briefly. I appreciate and love knowledge. BUT! At school, I am forced to study, I am bored, a lot of time is wasted, the characteristics of children are not taken into account, they are not trying to understand and hear, the school develops one-sidedly. Mountains of material, stress, violence, etc. The list can be continued indefinitely. I myself read a lot, doing karate, in general, a normal person. But I can not decide on studying ... Many subjects are not given to me and they are very boring. What to do?

Answer to Gleb

Ch. Elena, psychologist, graduate of the University of Practical Psychology

Hello, Gleb!

Judging by a fairly literate letter, it is clear that you are a person who reads and thinks. Therefore, I want to give you some really good advice.

But! To you a request - treat my advice with respect. With respect - it means reading, choosing, there is nothing to argue with, and with what to agree. Perhaps put it off for an hour or a day and read it again. And most importantly - to apply in practice.

It is generally the most important thing in life - to act. You see the shortcomings of school education and you can brightly and figuratively complain about them. I can see it too. Many see. Many complain. But respect is caused by those who do something to change the situation. They are the winners in life. I call such people Creators.

And now the advice.

I suggest you an experiment. Psychological experiment on yourself. There is a whole series of experiments, invented by psychologists for schoolchildren, who miss school. They are described in the book by L. Soloveichik "Teaching with enthusiasm." Immediately I will say: if you read it, it’s good. The faster you can move from reading to work, to actions, to experiments.

If you have not, I envy you a little. Interestingly, bright and vividly written, this book contains a number of tasks for you. From the first, with which it is worth starting: to love the history and (if necessary) to correct the estimates on this subject. To a high, truly ambitious, almost a challenge: raise the level of education and culture of your class, your friends.

I think the challenge is what you need. The life of teenagers today in our country is safe and uncomplicated. You are treated like children, and protected from difficulties. But without difficulties there will be no victories - you know it well thanks to the lessons of karate. To know yourself, what you are, what you can be, you can only in real, uneasy work, in action.

And the last - if you tell about the results of the experiment, it will be great.

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