Автор: Н.И. Козлов

A teenager asks for money from his parents

In a good family, teenagers have no problems with money. It’s normal - to sit down at dinner and all together to consult how to solve this issue. The son or daughter tells how much and what they want, all the family thinks that this is relevant and what is not, then the parents give the real money to purchase, and they just want to earn money, they earn money themselves.

Do you want a camera with good optics - excellent, but you need to earn it yourself. However, in a good family and here parents can help and tell where and how a teenager is better off earning money.

In many families, so that there will be no permanent negotiations, these issues are resolved systematically: money is being considered and a deal is being created. For example, this is: "We have an agreement about spending (for fashionistas - it concerns clothes in general!) What I need for life - for example, the first pair of winter boots - is bought by me without additional discussion." What is not a matter of first necessity - the fifth pair of summer boots - if you "really, really want to", then it is donated for a birthday! And what you want, but not so, it is bought equally for all members of the family when the finances allow. "

When questions between close people are resolved on good, they are resolved in justice. For example, as another reader writes to us, Papa: "Will I help them with my children? Of course, but not always exactly as they want it." Conflict can arise if my and my child’s views on justice are very different If this happens, the following options are possible: a) I convince the child of my rightness, b) The child convinces me of his rightness (if he does it correctly, without scandals and manipulations - I will be just happy), c) We are looking for an option that will suit both ". And can it be that parents and a teenager do not agree, as a result of which the parties differ each in their own way, dissatisfied with each other? The option of "not agreeing" is possible, it’s normal. It only means that the argument of the adolescent was not convincing enough. But the discontent of parents is not normal, and parents who respect themselves do not allow such behavior of children. If children do not like their parents, they have the right to leave when they reach adulthood. But if children live with parents who care about them, gratitude is due for this. But children will understand this only when they explain it. Whose work is this? That’s right, ours is the work of parents.

If children are used to being parents from the childhood, that their parents all should, these problems with age will only increase. Our readers write to us with sadness: "To my son, almost 16, friends-girls, naturally (for him) - we need money." The girl in the cinema is to take everything herself, for example: at home there is cooked food - he does not I’m eating, she says, we’ll go to dinner with friends, and so on. "My husband and I are working, making good money." They explained to my son more than once that we did not give money in our rules for nothing. look, a reasonable amount - 500 rubles a week. "This is not money, this is nonsense" - the answer If you are studying, study well, then it will be nice for us to provide you with entertainment (it’s all clear that we were young ourselves - all you want!). He has everything (in our opinion) - and a computer, phone, clothes - all that is needed, but it turns out that Vasya has a phone for $ 500, and Petya’s parents give pocket expenses of 15,000 a month, etc. "And you buy cars for yourself, but I can not phone there’s that one to buy! I understand everything, it s just that I m not my dad, it’s all about it ... "- this is the son of us." Periodically, the son works - in the summer a month with friends, then with a husband at the company he carried leaflets (then he left, «I’m like a fool" ...), soon I’ll go to my grandfather for work as a system administrator - we have already agreed, but the first question is how much to earn. When the money appears, they give it to us, we give it, it earns it like sand through the fingers. attitude is very offensive ... "

When parents behave helplessly, adolescents begin to harass their parents, make shouts and shackles accusations: "Why did you give birth to me, if you can not provide (we go to buy a cell phone, or jeans steep, or the hairdresser to give money)?" Strangely enough, to stop this pressure is really not difficult, if you follow the following points.

First: do not explain and do not make excuses. In any case, a daughter who organizes a scandal is unlikely to be a grateful listener, no matter how logical and smooth your explanations were.

Second: to demand a different tone. As the wise mother writes, "If a child needs my help, he will have to learn a different style of communication for conversation with me, because if something scandal is arranged for me to do something, then for me it’s all the same, that an attempt to pay for my help with counterfeit coins, why should I take them? In short, in this style, I simply do not talk. "

Third, if necessary, clarify the legal side of the issue to the adolescent. Namely, in accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation, parents are required to support their minor children, that is, to give them everything they need for their healthy life and development. But to buy things for children that they will brag to their peers is not the responsibility of the parents. Also, the rights to entertain themselves with games from a teenager do not. How much and when our children will be entertained - we decide, parents, thinking about the affairs of the family and the future of our children - the future to which we are obliged to prepare our children.

Parents do not have to buy their children expensive toys, which they will entertain themselves.

All that parents bought for their children, remains in the property of the parents. Children have all these things in a mode of responsible storage and use them on the conditions that their parents have formulated. If a teenager uses his things or toys incorrectly, the parents take these things. And if they are strongly dissatisfied with their parents and believe that they have parents, they can get acquainted with what "bad parents" are. In this case, parents take away from the adolescent everything that was bought for their money, after which they propose to start negotiations from the beginning, on the conditions that parents are treated with respect and gratitude.

Children treat their parents the way parents can put themselves. This is how one clever mother writes about this: "My young man, almost years old, knocks out all sorts of nishtyaks from grandmother and grandfather with scandals." They, grandfather and grandmother, reason like this: "for, take it, just stop making noise." I do not even try these methods, one or two times it was enough for me to understand: scandalous mother - the surest way to fly past nishtyakov. Grandmother with grandfather are arranged tantrums with slapping doors and swinging rights in the style of "adults have to take care of children! ", and with mother is courteous peaceful negotiations ".

And how is it polite peace talks? Here is a recording of a real conversation with my son, where it would seem that a difficult conversation about money is quite reasonable:

My young man is calling me these days:

- Maas, you have two thousand?

- I do.

- «Can you give them to me?"

- Theoretically - I can. Practically it depends on what you are going to spend it on.

- I want to buy a new board (that is, a skate).

- ... (silent)

- Well, are you unhappy?

- Honestly? It’s a pity. Two thousand is a big enough sum for me.

- ... (silent) ... Well, give so ... you give me right now, these two thousand, and then you have a whole year I do not ask. Even on my birthday. Is it going?

- «Have you thought well?"

- ... Aha. OK.

- Are you answering?

- I answer!

-«Do you give your teeth?"

- I give!

- Which one then?

- Well, I’ll see what I have knocked off. (already both laugh)

- Okay, baby, come, I’ll give you money. But look, the boy said - the boy did!

- Yes!

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