Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Our expectations. What to expect from people and life?

​​​​​​​Falling asleep in the evening, we expect that tomorrow will be morning. Leaving the train, the girl expects the guy’s hand, on which she can lean. Expectations of adequate people is the idea of ​​what is likely to happen.

However, there are other expectations. If I’m really looking forward to the letter, then my desire is mine, my WILL, and my belief that the letter MUST be written to me. Desires and beliefs, our desire and confidence that we somehow MUST - is the basis of subjective expectations, with which dreams and unrest, experiences and disassociations are connected.

A typical sign of tense expectations is the irritation that you experience in the presence of a particular person. If you often can not cope with yourself, throw caustic reproaches, go to provocation of the conflict - most likely, you are waiting for something from a person.

Do people have to do what you expect of them? Of course not. Who knows what is waiting for anyone... Young people are waiting for the girl to immediately go with him to have sex, because they like each other, but he wants. And the girls are waiting for young people to admit to them in love like that, and even they will be asked to marry them. No. Many of our expectations - are not legitimate and not realistic, and with such expectations it is better to say goodbye right away.

Mentally grown people do this easily: in fact, they do not expect anything or from anyone without serious reasons, their original principle "NOBODY OWES NOTHING TO ANYONE". People with the soul of a child with their unrealistic and unrealizable expectations to say goodbye and painfully: they are used to believe in fairy tales, they are used to the fact that everything they want, they should be. They are used to insisting on their desires...

Lovely, sooner or later childhood ends. It’s time to grow up. If you walk and warm up your unrealizable expectations, there will be only one thing: you will walk tense and angry. Do you need this? Moreover, many unnecessary hours are spent on unproductive conversations and feelings, and there are no superfluous time for efficient people.

How to understand what your expectations are, realistic or not? Wait or not wait for this man to make you an offer? The most serious recommendation sounds like a mockery: "Turn your head. Start thinking!" Unfortunately, this is not a mockery. A huge number of people, especially girls, prefer to live with feelings, not including the head, without thinking, filling themselves with dreams and hopes, then with fears and fears. If you ask such a girl simple questions: "With how many girls this man met before you in the last six months? Is he divorced? Did he introduce you to his parents?" Did he discuss with you the theme of the family and children, or at least the joint holding of the next vacation?", then the girl is quite able to answer them independently and come to a definite answer.

Take away the feelings, start thinking. If you can not understand yourself, talk to smart people. If you have tried everything (connected to a brainstorm of loved ones, friends, a psychologist, read a lot of books and films on this topic), and the situation stands still or even some deterioration - it looks like you are breaking into a closed door and there’s nothing to expect. Your expectations are unrealistic and, most likely, it is more correct for you to occupy yourself with another project.

Instead of starting to think, many people prefer to complain: "I always helped him, and he rejected me when I first needed help from him", "Close people should not betray", etc. It’s empty, stop complaining: your words will not change anything. Who told you that people are reasonable, and the world is just?

Adequate people expect only what can really be obtained. And the smart not only expect, but also their expectations directly, openly (and usually politely) utter. Do not hold your expectations in yourself, do not play telepathy. No one will climb into your head, and your sense of "how can you not guess this?!" and "how can this not be understood?!" - only your problems.

Therefore, if your expectations are legitimate - talk about your expectations, formalize them in requests or suggestions. It is not obvious that your requests and proposals will respond, but you at least have tried and can already draw conclusions from which people you can wait. Learn to understand people. Only those who respond to your expectations will respond to 1) who you are dear to, 2) who is afraid of losing you, and 3) people who are empathetic in the nature of their character. Therefore: select people and build relationships, where you need and are expensive. It is more promising.

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