The ability to control your emotions is the ability, if necessary, to subordinate your emotions, feelings and moods to the dictates of your own mind. Ability to manage their emotions distinguishes an adult from a human child, a man brought up - from an ill-bred, adequate and effective person - from an ineffective person and just a psychopath.
On the topic of managing emotions, you can discuss endlessly until the question is posed more precisely: what is meant by management, about managing what emotions are being talked about and about what kind of training we are talking about?
What is meant by emotion management?
Most often under the control of emotions, people have in mind the control of emotions that have already arisen and the cessation of unwanted emotional states. In fact, managing emotions is much more voluminous task, including including prevention, launching, changing the way of flowing and stopping of arbitrary emotional experiences. See →
What emotions are you talking about?
Some kinds of emotions are almost uncontrollable almost with any preparation, some (emotional actions) are easily manageable, manageable by any child ↑. Extinguish the already emerged and untwisted emotional state - it is difficult, to induce the necessary emotion in a suitable situation - it is not difficult. Emotions that have developed to the state of affect are uncontrollable, all normal people are able to smile joyfully and sincerely at a meeting.
We cease to manage many of our emotions when we lose proactivity, we begin to expect the actions of others, instead of acting ourselves, when we turn off our heads, we get used to responding automatically and in a pattern.
When our emotions become our reactions, it’s more difficult to cope with them ↑. But there is good news: all these opportunities we can return to ourselves. If we masterfully mastered our emotions in childhood, we can now return this skill ↑. We can act more actively, in advance, we can stop reacting in a pattern, we can start thinking and behaving as we choose.
About people with what preparation are we talking about?
Everything is very specific. Only some clients of psychiatrists are not able to manage their emotions at all, normal people with a stable psyche can control their emotions, simply not all and not always. If a person is in a vigorous, resourceful state, then in most cases it is not difficult for him to control emotions. If a person is tired, sick or in a state of affect, how to manage himself in this state is difficult. On the other hand, children already easily launch their crying to parents, for them it is elementary. Most children from the age of three or four at the request of their parents can easily both cry and laugh, wonder or be offended. Playing among themselves, children - and especially girls - emotions express brightly, adequately and convincingly. The whole question is that sometimes it is difficult to cope with some emotions: it’s hard not to get angry when you are angry, it’s difficult to remove the offense when it has already flared up in the soul.
The task of managing emotions is usually difficult because it is put by people who have already missed the moment when emotion arose, did not warn this occurrence, did not warn the actions of other people who created these emotions. At the same time, if a person goes into a more active, leadership position and launches his own and other people’s emotions before the waves of other people’s emotions flow to him, he no longer needs to control his emotions. He overtakes and manages the situation himself.
If you walk stooply and with a dreary expression of your face, sooner or later you will spoil your mood and ask: "How can I improve my mood if there is no mood to do this?" Yes, you have ambushed yourself ... If tomorrow you get up cheerfully, do exercises, spread out your hangers and smile at home, you will provide a good mood for yourself and your family.
If you are quite positive came to mother, and mother is not in the spirit, then the mood will change in the one who was more active: if you let your mom go in bay, you will soon be in bay too. If you hugged your mother, told how you missed her and start to boast of your successes, every time noting that all this is only thanks to your mother, then you have a great chance of winning: soon mom will smile and enjoy your success with you.
Managing emotions is a matter of education. It is the educated person that differs from the ill-bred in the first place by the fact that he is able to control his emotions even where it is difficult and not desirable. The developed personality controls his emotions, knows how to control his emotions and states, knows how to control himself.
Actors, Indians, diplomats and other people who have received special training, have much better knowledge of their emotions than ordinary people who do not have such training. Everyone can develop the ability to control their emotions if he sets himself such a task. The main thing is desire and training.
And the last. In some situations, you may find yourself helpless before your emotions, not because you can not control them. Physically, you can, but sometimes you can not do it socially. There are social limits to managing emotions.