Many people habitually fall into the position of a victim just because they are accustomed to the common phrases and phrases that trigger the sacrificial style of thinking and experiencing. Language in many ways shapes our worldview, and by clearing the language, we also help our thinking. What phrases, words and turns start the state and position of the Victim?
I must say that there are hundreds of similar words and turns, we will give just a few, for example. It is clear that much is determined by intonation and context, nevertheless it is worth paying attention to:
Because .... I can not help it! I can not work in such a situation! It's horrible. Nightmare! I'm always unlucky. Why does this happen only to me? All the same, nothing happens. This is stronger than me. Well, I do not know how! I can not, I have such a character. How could she do this ?! No, you look! He / she climbs without waiting in line! You can not change people! With this you need to accept ... I have been using my whole life. I did not do anything to her, but she ... I'm sick of all this. I never liked it. Whatever I did, everything is bad for him ... She's to blame for everything. I never have a free minute. Probably, I'm a bad mother ... Nobody understands me ... next look at the bottom of the article.
It is clear that if seriously - all this excuses and a way to attract attention. For a person who wants something in reality, all obstacles are surmountable and insignificant. Who wants, seeks opportunities, who does not want - excuses.
Agree, if a person really wants to go to the toilet, it’s funny to hear phrases like: "I pisses, because "there was no time to go to the toilet, " "I was too tired," "lost hope. I did not believe that I could reach ... "...
All these are excuses and rotten excuses, this is the Victim s dictionary referring to terrible and difficult external circumstances.
How to work with it? Write on A4 sheet a few characteristic phrases and and hang it as a reminder to yourself, in a prominent place. If you see them often, you will soon find it difficult to use them seriously... In many cases, it is useful to substitute phrases and turns for the Victims in advance to think over more constructive language for you. assistant: controller, who is You can follow your words and your actions.
This could be someone from your family or friends.You now have a game: if your assistant catches you on the back of the Victim dictionary, he claps his hands: "Sacrifice!", and you should do cotton in response: "Thank you!" - and do three sit-ups.
Perhaps your partner will also want to crouch along with you - and for support, and because it's just good for your health.
For now, a long list, typical phrases from the Dictionary Victims, broken down into categories of varieties of respected Victims. Find yours here and take care of getting rid of it.
Fool's dictionary: "Why me?", "How did I know?", "I was not told that it's possible", "I was not allowed", "It just happened", "I can not do it", "I have such a character! ".
The dictionary of the Martyr: "What do I need all this?", "Life is unfair," "Everything annoys me," "No one understands me," "I'm sick of everything," "I'm always unlucky," "I even have no time for myself" , "I have to do everything myself!", "I do not want to do it all!",
Dictionary of the Scandalist: "What the hell!", "It s terrible! A nightmare! Disgrace!", "How come it got me!", If it were not for these upstarts, I would have succeeded, "" No one will help me! "," If you loved me, you would not have done so "," What all around arrogant! "," They should behave more decently ! "," So it’s dishonest! "," You push me, and I have to do because you want to, "" You have to apologize to me, "" I worked all my life, that would feed you, and no thanks. "
The dictionary of the Afraid: "I do not know, somehow afraid," "Mom, I'm scared!", "I'm afraid to stay in the dark!", "Do not go, I’m scared without you!", "Not as you can be so calm, but if something happens? ".
Exercise "Do not play the victim" is aimed more at abstaining from some actions. And what if I do another exercise called "I play the Author". This means that every day I do one authorial act or action. Author’s - means that I m his author, nobody forces me and does not oblige him to do it, I decide. At work, I can do something beyond my responsibilities, at home - as well. In the end, to make a pleasant surprise to a loved one is also an author's act. Therefore, wise people make up their own Dictionary of the Author:
• I decided...
• I prefer...
• I’m happy...
• I feel the right feelings for me
• No one owes anything to anyone
• I can choose my reaction
• I can prepare...
• I can behave in the hands
• Much depends on my efforts
• I will do it.