Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Control of emotions: benefit or harm?

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​​​​​​​From Gestalt therapists it is often possible to hear that the constant control of their emotions not only does not help to cope with the emerging problems, but further exacerbates them, and the development of the ability for a more bold and spontaneous expression of their feelings and emotions is a useful thing for many.

And for you, dear readers? For you, too, are the recommendations "learn to openly throw out the emerging emotions, do not keep them to yourself", so popular in women’s magazines? Or is it more important for you to be able to control yourself, to control and control your emotions?

Indeed, what is necessary for a sick person is already inappropriate for a healthy person, and where the patient needs to reduce the load and lie down in the bed, it is high time for a healthy person to get up, make a charge, shower, have breakfast - and work! The recommendations of psychotherapists are addressed to those who need psychotherapeutic help, and beyond this situation their relevance needs to be considered. It seems that there is a lot of confusion.

Installation "Your emotions need to be controlled" - not the ban of emotions in general, but the education of emotional culture and just the habit of a decent person. Fears "The control of emotions leads to the suppression of emotions, from this children grow unemotional" - empty. If the parents explain to the child that it is impossible to fight with iron sticks, this is not a ban of movements in general and this will not lead to a physical underdevelopment of the child. Our children can and should be alive and emotional, but feelings of rage, helplessness and self-pity should hardly be the main notes in the scale of the emotional experiences of our children. The ability to freely express your spontaneous emotions is an excellent ability, but it does not at all contradict the ability in others situations to control one’s emotions. Everything has its time and place.

What is the control of emotions? The control of emotions is the rigid management of involuntary emotions, primarily to contain them, one of the important components of owning one’s self and one s emotions.

Important: control is not necessarily a ban. Control does not necessarily prohibit, control including and prescribes. A high-level leader (and just a developed person) has all the emotions under control, and this is not just normal, but it’s necessary and good. Qualitative control of emotions helps not to be lazy and include the right emotions, to be always emotional, but emotional as it should be.

Who complains about the lack of emotional self-control? - an interesting question. Real adults do not complain about lack of self-control, they work it out. Complaining is childlike behavior, and children and adults complain of lack of self-control, covering their unwillingness to grow up.

"I can put my beloved person in the hands of sms (stupid), deriding myself from him and myself. I can behave aggressively. Show my anger." What does it show only on people close to me. "Mom, beloved man, grandfather, even on friends.... I quickly cool down and they forgive me..."

The girl complains about the lack of emotional self-control, but rather it is attracting attention and self-justification, rather than a real desire to develop self-control. What could be the solution? Or the girl pripret (life will force), or it will successfully involve in a new, adult life.

With the light hand of semi-literate specialists they write that it is harmful to control emotions. This is not entirely true, or rather, not at all.

Psychologist George Bonanno from Columbia University has decided to compare the level of stress of students with their ability to control their emotions. He measured the level of stress among first-year students and asked them to undergo an experiment in which they had to demonstrate a different level of emotion - exaggerated, understated and normal. One and a half years later, Bonanno again collected the subjects and measured their level of stress. It turned out that the students experiencing the least stress were the same students who during the experiment successfully strengthened and suppressed emotions on the team. In addition, as the scientist found out, these students were more able to adjust to the state of the interlocutor.

​​​​​​​More details see very important article How to treat deterrence of your anger, anger, irritation and other aggressive emotions.

Long-term restraint of negative emotions is like putting a garbage inside a house for years. A control of emotions - it’s about not getting littered at home and ordering quickly. How much does this difference feel?

Control of emotions - as a sport: healthy is useful, and for the sick - is harmful. Control of emotions is socially necessary, but for a neurotic or experiencing personality it is too difficult a problem, giving more problems than winning. Where an active person will be engaged in business, the experiencing personality will untwine emotions on an equal place, after which the task of their control will arise. Later, perhaps - and the task of suppressing unacceptable emotions. When emotions are ricocheted, controlling emotions is already the task of suppressing them. The main thing, dear colleagues psychologists, do not confuse emotion suppression and their control: the first is difficult and more likely harmful, and the second, at least for a healthy and active personality - is useful, reasonable and necessary.

And, moreover, it is not very difficult. The more emotions become arbitrary, the less is the task of controlling them. Managing them becomes as natural a thing as managing your own hands and feet. To cheer yourself up for a person with a developed psychological culture is as easy as raising your hand to a healthy person. Develop your emotions, learn to control your emotions, and you do not have to control them!


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