To less hurt annoying little things to distinguish: "This is a trifle, and not something serious", it is useful to learn the exercise (technique) "Emotional traffic lights."
Create a notebook in which to draw four columns: the column "garbage" and three columns, called "green", "yellow" and "red" according to the colors of the traffic light. In these different columns, you are asked to record emotionally significant events in your life. What, where, why?
• Green column - minor trouble. If the intersection is ahead with the green light, the drivers usually slow down anyway, just in case, but the car does not stop. In the metaphor of life, it s troubles that you go through easily. This is a variety of little things in life: Torn jeans, skirt, tights. Broke / lost watch / mobile phone. Lost / stolen some money. Yes, it’s shy, but life does not end there.
• Yellow column - average trouble. In yellow, the driver brakes and decides whether to drive or stop. In life it’s troubles that get across your life, begin to get in your way, but you can overcome them.
• The red column is a big trouble. On the red color of the traffic light the driver stands up. In life it is a force majeure, from which let for a while, but your life stops. Your end of the world.
What does the record of these situations give? Curiously, the very question of the magnitude of an event / experience reduces its status. Thoughtful, real experiences are already different, more if not easy, then reasonable, rather than before compiling this document. It’s like mysticism, but it’s a fact. Further - gradually, in connection with the recording and viewing of these events in "Traffic Light", your view of what used to be "troubles" for you has changed. Minor troubles gradually disappear, go into the category of "bullshit". Well, the sun went down. With the sun is better, but this is usually not a problem people call. Or - a drop of rain fell on you. In general, it can be unpleasant, especially if it’s unexpected on the nose or the scruff of the neck, but usually it’s also people do not take trouble. Over time, as the "Traffic light" sheet is filled, the average troubles gradually begin to be seen as small. Loss of a purse - used to be an event, now I quickly draw conclusions and live on. Trouble, but not an event. And even further - the events from the red start to turn into yellow color ... The result: frustration, fears and anxiety change to cautiousness.
For many people it is very useful to assess the magnitude of each trouble in money (option - in time, necessary to eliminate the trouble, which is also translated into money). More precisely, how many hours or minutes do you need to go back for it? And how much is the hour of your work? Total, the price of this "problem" is ... one-half rubles!
From correspondence with Readers
Marina: Excellent article, Thank you very much, Nikolay Ivanovich !!! However, I had a problem with the technique "Emotional traffic light." The article found when searching for specific techniques that can quickly and effectively remove stress levels. The situation may be banal - mother-in-law accuses of things not relevant she reproaches that her husband’s parents allegedly "rented us an apartment," while their money was not even bought on the sockets (they all earned themselves and my mom and dad added a little more), and she counted hundreds of thousands of them, because of the financial mess with her own husband (my father-in-law), makes it very sad and unexpected, "it was snowing her head" to hear this accusation in rough form from her. now neither later. A person is not a stranger to me, how to accept the situation and to what color of the traffic light it is to be timed - I do not understand yet. It presses, interferes with the work, I still do not find the internal benefits, I still do the work, I do not lie on the cot. I just do not understand how you can completely stop communication, with a person who I want it or not I’m not a stranger. On work or with casual acquaintances such situations are simply solved. You disperse and even do not want to take offense, but what if you were unjustly offended and hurt by a person with whom due to life circumstances you are connected? If you decide this and agree - he, for his part, does not intend, puts before the fact. I absolutely can not find in this positive moments. And just how to continue to live with this without destroying within yourself all the offense to which, as I understand, another person does not care - it’s not clear. Can you recommend any technique or exercise? How to deal with insults, which will constantly remind you of the circumstances. And how to behave with people who put before the fact that now we are in a quarrel and more in life do not communicate, if these people are relatives. I do not want to get upset because of this, the resentment and the strength that I spend on this offense - cause vexation, but I have not been able to cope with my state for several days already.
N.I. Kozlov: Marina, "Emotional traffic light" will definitely help you. He helps everyone, just not right away. Your task is to mark your problem situation (Coarse unfair accusations from your mother-in-law) in a certain color: apparently, for you it is Yellow or even Red. Specify, how much it is significant for you on time or in money: for example, how much you would be ready to pay money (or to spend time) that charges from the mother-in-law would not touch you. 1000 rubles? 10 000 rubles? More? And then live on, listen to what is happening to other people and try, as if you reacted to this. Sooner or later, when you come across a really serious nuisance, this trouble will seem like a trifle to you. It happens in everyone.
Marina: Thank you very much for your reply, Nikolai Ivanovich! To assess the significance of this situation in time and money turned out to be really very useful (although initially, reading about the "Emotional traffic light" I did not attach importance to this recommendation and assessed the trouble in this way - did not try). Today, according to your advice, I did it and first the amount turned out to be impressive, much more than 10,000 rubles (in principle, I wanted all the amount about which there was a quarrel, and it’s several hundred thousand rubles - to put on the table someone who was rude and accuses which is not or simply, to give this money to someone else, if only to stop because of all this upset and worry), by the end of the day - the rate began to fall. How this works really did not understand. Probably the head began to turn on and the amount of the salary in just a few months - it seemed a very high price for resolving this misunderstanding, which, as you rightly said, in comparison with many trifles and nonsense. I will try very hard to do so - as you advise. Look closely, analyze and try on. Thanks for the advice and "Psychologos»! Perhaps, I determined the same positive aspect in the incident - I am glad that I found a site where everything is so kind and practical, reasonable and applicable to life! Specific techniques, exercises, take - apply, grow and work! Thank you!!!actical, reasonable and applicable to life! Specific techniques, exercises, take - apply, grow and work! Thank you!!!