У каждого свое видение будущего. Значит, нужно договариваться!
Как вести себя женщине, если она не может договориться с мужчиной?
Сколько часов ежедневно вы любите любимого, то есть работаете над собой?
Плохо, когда в паре один развивается, а другой - нет. Как вы решаете эту проблему?
Questionnaire "Fundamentals of the family contract" - a list of questions developed by N.I. Kozlov for the prevention of disagreements in the family. On the basis of the Questionnaire, a Family Agreement is being created.
Love, charm, candy-bouquet period - all this is beautiful and romantic, but when young people start to live together, they live in some reality. In which? Before creating responsible relations it is important to get to know each other seriously, and the Questionnaire helps a lot.
The idea of a future family life is for everyone entering into marriage, but most of the picture of the future life is very vague, and, most importantly, it and HER are essentially different. He, for example, thinks: "Since you love me so much, then you, like a real hostess (and like my mother), will take upon yourself the whole load of family troubles, and I’ll only come to the kitchen to eat." She also thinks differently at this time: "Since you love me so much, then you, like a real knight (well, and just in fairness), will help me in everything, we will do everything together or in turn. Is not that so, darling?"
But all this - only thinking and kissing them does not interfere. And what happens when young people get married? He - she: «I’m hungry ..." She - him: "Yes? Well, go to the kitchen and clean the potatoes! "He:" It’s like? "She:" Yes, that’s it, with hands!"
Of course, you can discuss these prosaic questions (and hundreds of other similar ones) when the spouses have already stumbled over them, but Is this always the best option? He is already angry, she has already taken offense ... But why wait until life confronts the couple with foreheads? Reasonable people discuss their possible differences in advance, as long as they have the time for this and while the clashes between themselves have not overshadowed them the main thing - their love, respect and interest in each other.
Of course, one can not envisage all possible problems of the future family life, but many, and even most, can. So, discuss them. And the Questionnaire "Fundamentals of the Family Contract" will help you in this. See in detail how to use the questionnaire, who and why you need a Questionnaire.
Authorities and Money
Who is our head of household? Everywhere? Always? In everything?
How many who should earn? If the wife has little money, then? Could there be a claim?
Will we accept help from our parents? And if they in return give themselves the right to interfere in our affairs? Are we planning to help parents? How, how much, in what form?
Who and how to manage money? Is money private, or is it all common? How many? "You’re a spender!" - how is this problem solved?
What are your things I can not use? Because of the damage of what things can you arrange another scandal? And what is undesirable for you in the apartment? What do you not tolerate?
Inheritance of property: what do you think about it? Is it actual to discuss all property issues with the help of a marriage contract?
If there are contradictions, who cares about family or work? Can someone from the couple not work? Under what conditions?
Do you have requirements for the work of another? What should not it be?
Is it possible for you to change the work for the sake of the family? For what? Under what conditions?
Food and Cuisine
What are your wishes and requirements? Vegetarianism? Diets? Starvation? Sweets? Table setting?
How do we react if not tasty and monotonous? And if the wife tries, and the husband does not notice?
Who makes purchases: which ones, who wears heavy, who stands in lines, etc.?
Who prepares, should the other help and what? Can there be a complaint about "tasteless"?
Who removes from the table and washes the dishes?
How do we react when someone does not: did not go, cook, wash, etc.?
Cleanliness and order in the house
Is it important for you?
Who sweeps and cleans the floors, vacuums, dusts? How regularly? Do we wipe our feet always? If dirt is brought, who and when will it wipe?
Do we clean the bed immediately? Who! Do we hang a dress, suit, do we put things in place?
How do we react when someone does not: does not wash, wipe, clean, put, etc.? And in response?
Is it possible to make comments to you? In what form it is impossible? Can you make comments?
Day and sport mode
Are you an owl or a lark? When will you usually get up and go to bed? On weekdays, on weekends? Should the other spouse also live like that? And if you interfere with each other?
Is it necessary to get up early or immediately? Do exercises? Can someone here insist on something? On what, how?
Clothes, appearance and care for themselves.
Clothes: attitude to fashion, preferences, how much are willing to spend, do we agree tastes or everyone dresses as they please?
Is it the duty to monitor your health? And if the other does not follow his own? And if it is stupid or excessive?
One got sick - how to behave to another?
How do we treat each other?
How do we treat children: doctors or sports and energetic hardening?
How often are you going to visit your parents and relatives? Necessarily together?
Can relatives interfere with your relationship and lifestyle? How and who will neutralize them if necessary?
Free time and hobbies
What are you passionate about and how serious? Controversial hobbies: computer games, social networks, extreme sports? How will this relate to the interests of the family? Does your spouse have to share your hobbies?
Your attitude to the trips to the guests? And the attitude to the guests at home? (how often can you call)? Late return home? Attitude towards hikes in bars, theater, conservatory, etc.? Tours? Neighborhood? Books? Sport? Computer games? TV, Social networks and watching videos on YouTube?
Pets: whom would you like to have? And what can not be tolerated?
How many children do you want, a boy or a girl, when? Wishes for names? Baptize?
And if there are no children? And if an unplanned pregnancy?
Who will take care of the child, what help do you expect? Washing diapers, shops, get up at night? How will you react if assistance is not enough?
How hard or soft should be the upbringing of children? Can children be spanked? How can you and how can you punish children?
Does the father have the right to an equal (or decisive) voice in the upbringing of the child, if the child is less engaged in it?
Attitude to non-standard methods (childbirth in the water, Nikitin’s experience, immersion in icy water, etc.)?
Why do you need friends and what do you do with them?
In the conditions of family life, you plan meetings with friends: how often, where, in what form, when together with the spouse, when separately?
Can friends stay with you for the night? What kind of friends? How often? In general, your attitude to past relationships and love?
Manners of behavior and bad habits
What manner of behavior would you like to see in your spouse and how important is this for you?
Can I be slovenly dressed if my friends are visiting? And if you are at home alone?
Do you smoke, drink? When, how much? What will you allow yourself, your spouse? How will you react if the spouse turns out to be drunk?
TV? Computer games? Night clubs, casinos?
If your spouse has any harmful or unpleasant habits (gnawing at your fingernails, shuffling your feet, not washing your hands before eating), how will you react?
What signs of attention do you need? Do we need to give each other gifts? What kind? Is it possible to arrange a gift?
How to behave, what should I do if my spouse is in a bad mood?
How do we react to being late? On "forgot", "did not have time," etc.? To cheat? To non-compliance with the agreement? What do we consider "dishonest", what is "betrayal"?
If it is difficult to talk, do you think it possible to communicate in writing when analyzing the conflict?
• Here are the Supplements to the Questionnaire *
• Some creative people based on the Questionnaire have made their Wedding Vows. Maybe you’ll like this, too?