From the boy, the man himself does not grow, and one maternal love is not enough to form a man’s features in a boy. A boy grows up as a man when he 1) sees a pattern of male behavior next to him, 2) when he is brought up like a man, according to "male patterns," and 3) when a man is brought up from him, not a rag.
At a minimum, a boy is made out of him, not a girl. A child is formed by a culture, and if we want a boy, not a girl, to grow up from a child, our boys should have boyish, not girlish clothes and boy’s, and not girlish affairs and entertainment.
Unfortunately, today many fathers do not know how to bring up their son. Books emphasizing the need for unconditional love, the danger of control and the importance of feelings in the upbringing of the child are brought up in the child, not male, but feminine qualities. Today we have to remind, of what, in particular, is man’s upbringing.
Fundamentals are laid in the earliest childhood. I am very pleased that I kicked my children into the icy water from the first days of their life: they did not hurt, freely rushed around the apartment with a nurse and less experienced problems in connection with permanent "get dressed - freeze!". It is not discussed that a boy from childhood needs a good sport. The baby - baby yoga, from one year to three - home stadium, fighting with the daddy on the mat, training for morning exercises.
The future man can bear the burden and pain. If we educate a man, then we do not run to the baby when he fell and hit. Everything is normal: children fall, it hurts, there is no event. It is not necessary to accustom the little one that to fall is something terrible, that any scratch is an occasion to embrace and regret ... If the kid has hit and wants to be pitied, it means that women have already spoiled him a little. The kid, who is educated for men, does not complain about his bruises, he solves his problems himself. The future man does not cry and does not complain.
But if he really needs help, the boy will calmly approach the father or mother and will ask for help. He knows that you can always count on the help of parents. But if the parents tell him that "you can do it yourself!" - then you need to train to tie your shoelaces as much as necessary.
In the further sports and spiritual development, four points are absolutely necessary: athletics, swimming, martial arts and dancing. We emphasize that ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY and that this is not only a sporting, but also a spiritual development. Your son must outrun his coevals both in running and in jumping, should be among the best in basketball, volleyball and swimming. Combats will bring up courage in battle, self-discipline, respect for the enemy, will develop in him the will and self-awareness of the future leader: he will not be among those who are constantly beaten. Moreover, percussion techniques, which are mastered in martial arts, are the basis for the formation in him of the skills of a leader and an entrepreneur. It is from the sportsmen that a large number of the most successful businessmen come out, and the choice of sport for a guy is the laying of the foundation of his future personal qualities.
As for the dances, it is also an obligatory part of the officer’s education in the army of any country. Firstly, dancing is another form of sport, and it’s not easy to sport: keeping your posture, not lowering your elbows, feeling your partner and hearing music is not an easy task. But it is the dancing that honors the sport to beauty and gallantry, a careful gentleman, not only a husband and a male, is brought up from the boy. It’s dances that will form your son’s format: a wonderful foundation for his success and his self-mastery, the basis of his self-discipline.
It is clear that the future man is not formed by dancing and sports. The future man is not a coward. He is not afraid to fall asleep alone in a dark room, he is not afraid to intercede for his own, and even more so for a girl, he is not afraid. He is called courageous and courageous. This does not mean that he does not know the feeling of fear, this means that a man can be stronger than his "I’m afraid – I’m not afraid" and can be guided by the notion of a man’s duty. In your son’s dictionary there should be no words "I’m afraid" or "I’m scared", there should only be a joint thought with you: "is this the case of such risks or not."
That is why the future man is not a cocky cock and not a crazy fellow who is easy to take on weakly and who often himself, for the sake of thrill, is ready to risk unnecessarily: this is stupidity and irresponsibility. A man does not have the right to risk himself in vain, a man is not raised in order to pay for his stupid feats father, or, even more so, to mourn his meaningless death mother. A real man is someone who knows how to be stronger than his boiling blood, who knows how to be guided by reason and not by feelings.
The ability to be guided by reason, not feelings - the most important moment in the education of the boy. Guessing and "it seems" are not accepted, in solving any problem we require creativity and logic, in any question we train a vital critical mind. A man without a head is not a man. We demand judiciousness always, without references to it is difficult, terrible and carried away: the future man should be cool, his mind does not fog with emotions, this is realism, consistency and purposefulness. "Why did you decide this?" Why did you decide that? " - your son should be able to think and be able to justify his decisions.
But not only to justify, but also to be responsible for the consequences of their decisions, independently appointing a fee for the failure or inaccuracy of their decisions. To do this, train your son to the questions: "Are you ready to answer for the consequences of your decision?" What exactly do you answer?".
A man is reliability, decency and responsibility. Therefore, from the very early age of the son we categorically wean from the position of the Victim: complaints, talk about circumstances, unfortunate eyes and references "But the others ..." - are not accepted. "Do not refer to others! You are responsible for yourself!" - it was this commandment from my father that I remembered from childhood.
Also, there is no talk of problems: all "problems" are replaced by setting tasks, and tasks are formulated not about feelings, but about behavior. "Well, if there is a mood," "I do not know ..." "Well, somehow ..." - does not roll. You take it - or not. And if you do not take it, then who should do it for you? We have been accustomed since childhood: "A man said - a man did." Gave a word - keep it, but before you talk - think. The ability to take quick and well-weighted decisions, take responsibility - the male trait.
The future man must learn ironly: the elders take care of the younger, and the younger ones obey the elders. To decipher this formula, we begin with "obey." The ability to pull oneself together, obedience, self-discipline is an obligatory part in the upbringing of the future man. A real leader differs from ordinary employees in the first place by the fact that he has self-discipline: in particular, he can form a difficult plan for himself and obey his plan. A typical employee needs a chase from outside - then it’s not quite a man. A real man can organize himself: he himself gives himself the task and is himself capable of what he has planned for himself - to subordinate himself.
However, the older, stronger one is the one who is responsible for the younger and the weaker. He does not take away, but protects, he does not curse, but teaches and keeps order. Ability to be senior is a difficult skill where one must learn not to scream at disobedient minors, learn patience in the face of their stupidity, learn to teach them, patiently and methodically accustom them to what is still difficult for them.
And that’s all? No. When this male base is formed, any man will have some of the best female features to face: softness, delicacy, the ability to be attentive and gentle. A man is rude, without education and manners attracts not real women, so your son must learn to be an interesting and educated person. The simplest requirement: your son must know and be able to read ten poems about love. Invest in it - you will not regret it.