How to upbring a girl? The question is important and not simple. In the education of the girl two lines: a common line and a special line. The general line does not distinguish between the boy you bring up or the girl: in any case there are things in common, namely - the education of a healthy and developed child, a harmonious and thinking person. But this article is about a special line in upbringing, namely what is special you need to know and consider when educating the girl as the future woman, as a future wife and mother. If this is important for you, I invite you to think about it together.
Health and physical development
As girls are more often brought up by mothers, they regret girls, and this is a major mistake. Smart mothers are not afraid of girls to harden the same way as boys, that is, since childhood, a minimum of clothes, more movements and pouring ice water (option - contrast shower). Do not be afraid: just the girls who are brought up in the warmth and "whatever it does not turn up" just catch cold. Pouring cold water gives hardening and excellent vivacity, but if it conflicts with long hair and generally with a hairdo, look for compromises.
A lively and cheerful girl with a slender and athletic figure has more chances both for an excellent family and for success in life, so sports are a must. Sport is desirable to choose the one that is associated with staying in the fresh air and with motor activity - running, bicycle, roller skates, in the winter - figure skating and skis. Important: in any sport, a girl does not need strength, but three other things, namely: a) flexibility, b) general coordination of movements (deft hands) and c) grace, beauty and smoothness of movements. Therefore, from the power loads - we rock the press and do sit-ups, but the turnstile is replaced by push-ups.
Swimming is very useful for health, but with professional training, the girls form quite men’s shoulders, which is not entirely feminine. For the same reason, artistic gymnastics is more useful than sports gymnastics. Tennis is useful, both large and small, and yoga and fitness are good, while team sports are more for guys, for girls it’s more useful for individual and pair dances. Once again: the most important and absolutely compulsory sport for any girl is dancing. Dancing, dancing, dancing! You can start with folk dances, continue with any modern dance, but sooner or later the experience of twin dances is required, at least a hustle (the simplest and most accessible) and salsa (a little richer). In the pair dance, the fear of the partner’s body disappears, you can stand close and take your hand in the dances, which is not easy for teenagers. If a hustle is a minimum program, then ballroom dancing and sports dancing is already a world of princesses.
Selecting a specific sports section or dance studio, it is usually more important to pay attention not to a particular sport and not a kind of dance, and what kind of people there are and what is the style of communication there, first of all what is the culture of the coach. Qualitative, worthy coach teaches not so much a specific sport or dance, he teaches the attitude to people and life. If you find such a coach - you can be calm. However, for different age girls need to select different coaches...
Our daughter should not be a slob, so we accustom our daughter to order. Three absolutely mandatory things in the morning: remove the bed, bring your hair in order, get dressed. About the bed, our grandmothers knew well: who has a mess on the bed, the one (for that one) has a mess in his life. Remove the bed (at first to ventilate, and then remove) - on time only two minutes, and in the room it becomes beautiful and there is a feeling of coziness. Similarly, combing your hair and putting it in order - it’s including collecting your thoughts, collecting all yourself. The uncombed girl feels and behaves slovenly: can you imagine the uncombed queen? And to get dressed is to finish putting yourself in order. Walking in the morning, especially breakfast in a crumpled T-shirt or nightdress, the princess does not allow herself. Clothes are a part of our mood, so it’s important to dress up for a specific morning and day.
By the way, in occasion of footwear: to small girls it is good to run barefoot, to girls are more senior and to adult women fitting slippers. Throw out all the soft slaps, in them the most collected girl quickly turns into a disassembled disgrace.
A small mistress of any house
From early childhood we teach the daughter the skills of a housewife. It’s not right if the mother is in the kitchen, and her daughter is playing games. That’s right, if the daughter’s favorite game is helping mom in the kitchen. The main difficulty here is usually in mom: it’s easier for her to cook everything herself than to call her daughter and explain everything, correcting her mistakes... But if mom will think about the daughter’s future, she can already by the age of twelve achieve that "feeding everyone" it is no longer she who answers, but her daughter. It’s not right when my mother cooks, but my daughter helps. That’s right, when my daughter is preparing, and my mother helps her: she continues to teach her how to cook delicious, to cover beautifully, to do everything easily, not to worry and attract help to all who can help her.
Wipe the dust, water the flowers, wash the laundry, stroke everything, vacuum the floor, sort out the cupboard, wash the windows... - all this a lot of things a small landlady should do as easily and naturally as running and breathing.
In the education of the girl there should be a slightly different position of the father and mother. Mom can (and should) here be tougher than the daddy, daughter to drive and demand from her daughter. Hair, remove the bed, do not go disassembled, cook everyone breakfast and wash the dishes - all this mom can demand from her daughter hard. But my father - let dad be softer to his daughter. Mom’s requirements are fulfilled by the daughter, because it is necessary, and father’s requests - because I want to. It’s normal if the daddy spoils little girls: and if she did not comb and ran to him in a crumpled dress, let his reaction be embraced, kissed and admired. "You are my beauty!" And after that - "Go get your hair combed, dear, and it’s better to pat the dress!" Loving and pampering - yes, but if a daughter wants to compete with her mother for the attention and love of her father - no, she should not have a single chance...
Beauty is not the one who was born beautiful, but the one who he can create and keep beauty - her beauty and beauty around her. Your daughter should know that she is a Beauty, but even more able to watch her beauty and take care of her. Doubt in its external appeal is a heavy cross for a teenage girl, a source of many complexes and setbacks in personal life. Whatever external data nature has awarded your daughter, you must educate her from the tenderest age in the belief that she is a beauty. Emphasize its merits, do not laugh at its shortcomings: fullness, freckles, snub nose - all these are unique features of her personal charm.
And do not let your daughter relax. Completeness - drive sports! Problem skin - do not be lazy to look after it! Sharp gestures - to dance! We do not laugh at the shortcomings, but we also do not allow them to stay: when necessary, we will say everything with a straightforward text and discuss how to correct it.
At the same time, do not teach her to admire her before the age of 12, let her learn to create beauty around herself, and not start a race at the vanity fair. The habit of cleanliness to a certain age is more important than jewelry, and the ability to see the beautiful and create the beautiful need to be laid right now: to learn music, drawing, needlework. To learn music is to learn rhythm and melody, to learn to draw is to learn to see the whole and the details, to feel the beauty of the line and the integrity of the image, to understand the combination of colors. Needlework is the art of subtle movements and the school of patience: the most useful school!
It was twelve - teach the art of cosmetics, let her try and lipstick, and shadows, and mascara. When she watches the beautiful actresses and looks at the beauty ratings, let her learn to understand that even a very beautiful woman always carefully looks after herself. Hair care, skin cleansing, masks are a skill of reasonable attention to appearance. In clothes, learn how to choose colors, style and wardrobe in general, it will exclude impulsive purchases in the future: bought a beautiful dress, but it’s unclear what...
There is a lot of confusion about whether a girl should be a strong person and leader. The truth is that men prefer women who lead them, while at the same time avoiding women who are weak and helpless. What does this mean in the education of the girl?
Rule one: knowledge of one’s interests, but "no" to whims. A smart girl is always with her head and should remember her interests well. At the table of the proposed, she easily chooses what she likes personally, but never fusses. "I want it!" - wonderful, and dissatisfied "I do not want!" and the more so hysterics - under the ban.
Rule two: we are not crybirds, unhappy sacrifice and helplessness is not played out. Distinguish: you can cry to a girl, and to achieve something with tears, unhappy eyes and helpless hands - you can not. And say: "You can cry, it’s not scary, it’s good for health, but all you need to do is to do it!"
One of the simplest and most effective tricks in this matter is to follow the expression of your girl’s face and her vocabulary. Just make sure that she does not accustom herself: to shift the crookedness in suffering, to lower the lips or shoulders, and also so that she does not learn the female dictionary of the Sacrifice: "Horror, a nightmare! I’m shocked! .. I do not know, I do not understand, I can not manage. .. It’s all them, it’s all because of the teacher ... "and so on.
Our daughter must be a Sun, and this is done in two ways. The first is that parents set an example for themselves, greeting each other with warm smiles and kisses and their beloved daughter. The second is a ban on a dissatisfied person, dissatisfied phrases, dissatisfied intonations, resentment and whimpering. Since childhood, the daughter must know a simple rule: "Do not like something? Do not be dull, but say it. Ask softly and kindly that you can - they will do to you."
And if they do not? - So, be grateful to your parents and life for what is, and think about what you need to do to get what you want later. The face is always content, parents are saying "Thank you", we discuss all issues with them together. Perhaps this will help the girl in the future of family life, when her main role is leader, but hidden. It must be able to obey and at the same time unobtrusively conduct its own line.
Usually a clever girl is called simply obedient girls who do not contradict their parents. If the girl does this thoughtlessly, from laziness or fear - it’s bad, but if she learns to achieve her not through war, but with cleverness, care and caress, that’s good.
Today, the world of men welcomes the girls who are playing with the fool next to them, but this is not the best game. The wisdom of women in the other: in the ability to find a common language, hear the interlocutor and be in cooperation, and not in the negative and protest. Teach your daughter not to be categorical, to agree with the reasonable and calmly do what needs to be done. To tell her husband the magic words "Yes, dear, of course, dear! As you say, it will be so!", Girls must learn to tell their parents: "Yes, Mom!" and "Of course, Dad, I’ll do it right now!". If the daughter listens to parents, because she appreciates their knowledge and experience, she is really clever. The desire to object and do everything in its own way does not lead to a mind and independence in the future, but to an internal saboteur, to difficulties in organizing one’s own life and conflicts with others.
The girl needs to be taught obedience in order to teach her courage and teach her to think. If girls are not specifically educated, they often grow up as cowards. In the female culture, it is customary to be afraid, talk about fears are welcome, but your daughter will need more prudence, and instead of fears and feelings - the calculation of reasonable risks. Teach your daughter to think. Many girls have the ability to think of a good memory: they find it easier to repeat what they want to hear from them than to think and understand. Girls are easier to share and even cry, than to think and draw conclusions. If the daughter likes to share her experiences with you - it s fine, but as you grow up, teach her to take her "share", that is, just chatter with emotions, develop the ability to speak with clear theses. Perhaps, it is for this that the future husband of your daughter will say thank you to you.
Should the girl be allowed to "be afraid". «I’m afraid of the injection!", «I’m afraid of the dark!" - it is considered that this is natural, and most importantly, the typical reaction to these complaints is to pity and help: to make it so that it is "not so scary." Why is this debatable? Because the girl develops an installation: in case of difficulty, they themselves do not decide and wait for someone to help her.
A woman from Germany is just calling, asking for a consultation: she has mastered the new profession of a cosmetologist, but now she is afraid to open this business and begin to earn the truth. And since it’s scary, she pulls month after month and does nothing. She lives on money (her little) husband and worries about everything ...
It’s interesting, but how would a graduate of a cadet school behave in her place - he would also tell that he was scared? It seems that this is impossible, he had another upbringing: "The boys are not afraid." But then - why do we raise girls like that?
In the memoirs of Princess Ekaterina Alexandrovna Meshcherskaya it is described how, after the 1917 revolution, she and her mother settled in a workers’ village, where her mother got a job as a cook. The first night they had to sleep on the bare floor, laying the boards under the head. The girl almost did not sleep, and she also pierced her ear. When mother pulled her splinter out in the morning, Katya burst into tears, not even with pain, but "because of our misery, the reasons and the meaning of which I was not clear, wept because our future seemed hopeless to me. "I did not know that my daughter had such a crybaby," her mother said almost indifferently. - (...) Why such cowardice? .. That I never saw any more of your tears ... "Then, when Katya often did not sleep and knew that her mother was also" tormented by memories ", the girl bit her painfully language, "not to speak and not burst into tears in complaints."
So the Russian nobility was brought up. And how do you plan to raise your daughters?