Автор: Н.И. Козлов

With whom and how to be friends is worth

Фильм "Святоша"

Тебе лично это нужно? Смысл дружбы.
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Фильм "Бурлеск"

Люди, которые думают о своем будущем, своих друзей себе выбирают. И уезжают оттуда, где дружить - не с кем, где ни на кого не хочется походить.
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Why am I friends with these people?

In this issue, in fact, there are two sides: why is this necessary for me personally and why does it need those with whom I’m friends? In any case, take care to answer as concretely as possible: if you met last week and talked for 40 minutes, what was the "dry balance" of the meeting?

What was discussed, what did you agree on? What were the requests from the side, how important are they, were they really useful? What were your inquiries and questions, to what questions did you receive clear answers, so that the important changes in your life after this meeting?

- Mom, you do not understand anything, we do not have anything with Boris.

- And what do I understand if he only looks at you? I’m afraid for you, you’re so naive...

- I’m naive? And who told me this, how did she leave with a young man with one purse? Not you?

- Then the times were different.

(Dad) - Have you been chatting all this time? Look at the clock, it’s time for us to leave, but things are not collected. They talk, talk, it hurts your head...

- And what about your daughter, do not talk, you’re bored!...

When people close, native people talk like this, there is no question about the content of communication and the "dry residue" of the meeting. Actually there is no more sense in such a conversation than in exchanging jokes between friends or warm embraces without words.

But in fact - and not less ... Life without these heartfelt fights is cold, and the native house should meet us warmly.

In a good family and between friends, such conversations occur between cases. Next to the case. That is, things are going on, everyone is busy and in work, and friendly communication is a background, just as the background can sound music on the radio, burn the light, warm the battery.

When, at the entrance to the battery hour after hour, people who are not completely frozen are sitting, smoking and jokes are being jabbed, this can also be called friendship. Can. However, more precisely, this is called idleness, because in friendship, unlike idleness, it makes sense. Unlike idleness, friendship does not kill time, but decorates. Unlike empty pastime, real friendship promotes both you and your friends to your goals.


If you do not know how to be friends, it’s worth learning.

If you have already learned to be friends, it makes sense to think about who and how to be friends.


To be friends is to meet, and each meeting takes time. If you start to count how much time you spend on friendship, you may have for example such records:

We went to the store with Julia, chose her boots. - 4 hours. Verunchik called, complained to my mother. - 30 minutes. My mother called, complained of health, told about her neighbors in the country. - 20 minutes. We drove the company to the dacha - well, the day went by...

Should we pay all this attention? - Adult people with big tasks in life think about it. If friendship gives you (or your friends) not much, but time consumes a bunch - such an investment of time is wrong: unprofitable. It is clear that people who have a lot of free time, for which other tasks are more relevant, namely, "What time to take?", Talk about profitability (especially the profitability of friendship) are strange and incomprehensible. If you have a lot of unoccupied time, then for you, friendship does not cost anything. It is rather a joy that fills your empty time. If you have a lot of cases and projects, if your life is busy and painted, then every meeting "to make friends" really eats your minutes and hours. If this is accompanied by additional expenses of time and effort, when you help a friend out of his next adventure, or should arrange for his child to go to the Institute where you have contacts, such friendship may be too expensive for you.

In any case, it is useful to deduce for yourself specific figures: how much time you put on this or that friendship (in hours).

Meeting with classmates in their native school two hours a year is one, two hours of chatting on the phone every day - quite another.

If you have great goals in life, friendship for you becomes not just a pleasant pastime with a good person, but an important life project that must be reconciled with the mind and heart. From the point of view of the future, any friendship is an investment of time and energy, investing oneself and one’s life in a project called "Friendship." With whom to be friends - this means "who to invest." Do you think this question? Who do you decide to invest in?

Your old friend is reliable, but conflict, boring and understands little in your new hobbies. Continue or gradually close the relationship with him, reorienting himself to new contacts? It depends only on what kind of "new contacts" it is. Noisy, interesting, pull in their company, but in the company like to drink? If so, you do not need it. Clever, athletic, pull you into new projects, although in them you need to strain? Probably, these are more suitable for you friends.

Think. Under the New Year, when you make a list of friends to send them funny greeting cards, ask yourself this difficult but extremely important question: who of these my friends is the bridge to my future? The solution can be different: with someone, you will understand, it is very promising to build relationships, with someone to maintain at a minimum level, and some relations to transfer to another regime and another channel.

The fact that you have had a relationship with someone before does not mean anything. It was simple - it was. Imagine that you are starting your life from scratch: what kind of people do you want to take into your future?

One of the important questions that must always be asked: "How does this work for the purpose of my life?" - Probably, you already have your goals for a year, three and five years. Your goals are recorded. Look, in what column, for what purpose and purpose does friendship with this person fit? And with this? If it does not fit any of the goals, you have at least two options: either to formulate it as an independent goal: "to continue to be friends with N in the volume and with the periodicity that N is needed," or revise the need for this friendship.

Perhaps, at least change its nature: continue to meet nice, but not in the bar, but in the gym.

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