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"Life is not reduced to one efficiency. The real right life is definitely richer!
Perhaps you think that the right life is extra tension, stress and discipline. Not at all. Of course, there will always be some efforts. Jumping at a disco - well, also a load, but we do not mind? To build and maintain a good relationship, it takes as much energy as to quarrel. So why then waste your energy to quarrel, if for the same forces you can live in a good way?
The right life is a life made by ones own hands, and brought joy to the person himself and the people around. Such a life can be called simple, if she lives a person naturally, strongly and confidently.
This book is about how to combine joy, meaning and efficiency in life! "
The beginning of the right life
The right life is a life made by ones own hands, and brought joy to the person himself and the people around. Such a life can be called simple, if she lives a person naturally, strongly, confidently. Everything that we are sure of, seems to us simple.
But this kind of life begins - it’s not easy. It begins with childhood, and childhood - with the game in "I want" and "I do not want." And protests against the fact that "it is necessary".
"I do not want" and I need
Children’s games in "I do not want!"
"And I do not want, I do not want by calculation,
And I for love, for love I want.
Freedom, freedom, give me freedom,
I’ll fly upward with a bird! "
Each of us has our own destiny, and in occasion of "rules" and "correct" I often hear the following:
The right thing is restrictions, and I do not like anything that limits me! As soon as I hear that it is necessary to live like this, I immediately want to live the opposite. I do not like being forced to do it, and I hate the word "It’s necessary!"
Here came the invoice, now you have to go and pay for the light: damn it, you must! If it’s necessary, I do not want to.
Well, do not want - from this only the fact that you will pay the bill with a bad mood will change. Do not be angry, it is necessary - this is not a nasty "commitment", but simply - it is necessary. It is necessary - and that’s it. If I do not do what needs to be done, it will all have to be done later or to someone else.
In "I want - I do not want to" play only children.
If the child has caring parents, he gets used to the fact that his "I want - I do not want" is something important. If you do not want to say "I do not want to!", Then you will not eat this mess. Though, maybe, all the same you will eat? You were persuaded, and you strongly said: "I do not want to!", And was in the spotlight. It’s great, only your childhood passed and we became adults. And adults already know that there is no one seriously talking about their "I want - I do not want". If you want, go and make yourself if you can, or buy if you have money. And what you need, adults just do it, because nobody will do it for them.
If, of course, they are really adults, and stopped playing in childhood. In want - I do not want.
Moreover, even a child does not always object to the unpleasant «Must». Children only object to the weak One must, I’m not sure. That nasty wall says confidently It must be: "Go here, but do not go here, you can not, here I am, the wall!", And the child with the wall does not argue, goes to the door, and not through the wall. The child checked: a stone wall, with a wall to argue uselessly, get upset and cry for it does not work, so he’s wall and does not take offense. And with my mother is another matter: if you cry and stamp your legs, then it "must" and "can not" change to "well, just a little!", So you can argue with your mother, you can do as you want and do harm when she says it the opposite is "necessary".
This same - it works!
The children’s protest is a long one in life.
"But I want to live not as I should, I want to live my life, not someone else I want!"
Yes, you are right: yours It is necessary - it’s someone else’s I want. This is very often so. You were taken to music, "you need it!", And you wanted to ride horses. You wanted to watch the awesome clips on Muz TV, and they took you on a visit, where you had to sit quietly at the table and eat a lot. You were not allowed to want yourself, you all the time lived a stranger s will, and therefore you now do not want anything. You forgot how to want, you are afraid to choose, it’s easier for you to live like everyone else, and it’s quiet to hate it all ...
Like everyone else.
Sometimes it is called "bad character", sometimes - "depression", "loss of meaning of life" and other important words. And I think that this is your protest and your revenge, revenge on your parents in the face of life, even if you did not realize it at all.
Once you, life, such, I’ll get you, I’ll get drunk and will not do anything. I do not want!
You think that you are defending yourself, your I, and you really see it that way. And if you look at it from a bird’s-eye view, then you are engaged in a nobody’s garbage, with which it’s time to tie.
Maybe it’s really time?
You did everything perfectly, you took great revenge on your parents: you killed yourself, your desires and you do not live anymore, but you just miss and get angry from around the corner.
Fine. But there is another suggestion: to start living again. There will still be no other life, but today you can take a chance and start all over again, because today it’s not life, but you still want to live, and life is worth it to live with full breast, with all speed, as then, in your sunny and snowy childhood, when you were flying on a sled from the mountain, when you took breath and you shouted with delight!
I must - it’s always someone’s Want. Make it yours!
It is necessary - it is always someone’s Want, and not necessarily yours I want, and it can be completely normal. In the morning I have to get up - this was my dad’s wish, because he wanted to give you every hour of the early morning and train you to the morning routine - it will come in handy for you in life. In the morning it is necessary to wash-it was my mother’s desire, because she saw how fresh your face was and the eyes brightened after they had been rinsed with cool water and wiped with a clean towel. These their "I want" then were not always your joy, once it sounded and as a nasty "I must," but the parents did their work, raised and washed you.
Usually they say: "Thank you!"
Not every moment of life a child knows what he really needs. Now I need to brush my teeth - "I do not want to?" Now I have to go to the dentist - "I will not go?" The child sees only now, and what will happen tomorrow, some adults see better than him. At them it also is called: It is necessary.
It is necessary - this is the ability to see tomorrow.
And, of course, it is possible today and tomorrow not to pay bills for light, if you really do not want to. Just after a while, the unpaid bills will run into a fine, and you will be asked what you want more: to pay a very large amount or to stay without light, or even to move out of the apartment altogether? That’s what will happen tomorrow. Therefore, it is better to want to do what needs to be done today.
It is necessary - this is normal. It’s just what you need. This is what ensures your future and builds your personality.
Someone prefers the word "I want" more. Excellent. The grown man just Wants what He must. What now it is necessary, the adult person - Wants.
And then everything becomes simple. A simple, right life begins.
In winter it is very cool to leave the whole family in a beautiful snow-covered park and there, choosing the most fabulous clearing, to arrange a small picnic. Fry a hot omelette with tomatoes, pour all the smoking sweet tea and warm your hands about it, enjoying the little tourist primus that so easily gives safe fire and warmth. We gave ourselves all this, we got warm with tea and hurried along the long avenues from one old palace to the next. On one of the forks saw an elderly man in a sheepskin, who called rare children to an empty attraction. Attraction is still good, I want to please the children, they came ...
- Nikolai Ivanovich, hello!
- Good day ...
- Well, do you know? It’s me, Vlad! What, aged?
Yes, Vlad has aged. Ten years ago he was an energetic and bright young man, full of plans, loving life, creativity and experiments. He visited me for trainings, argued, wrote interesting reports, was fond of esotericism, I was looking for my way in life. And now ... Have you finished? Rather, my face is swollen, probably drinking. Skin rough, weather-beaten, hands frozen ... and most importantly, what are you doing here, Vlad, among lonely pines?
He worked in the theater. I went to India for spiritual practice. Worked as a substitute in the restoration workshop. I recruited people in the group of health gymnastics. There is no family.
"What next, Vlad?"
He is silent. He thinks, but there is really nothing to think about: there are no pictures of the future. And given that he is already over thirty, life, most likely, will not go up. So, just down.
I was scared. He was bright and talented - but missed his life. Did not build it.
There was a man - and there is no man.
They shook hands. Satisfied children have already returned from the attraction and ran on, we are behind them.
Vlad remained on an empty avenue. ...
I wonder if I could have done something then, ten years ago? I often meet such bright, searching guys who are sure that life will necessarily carpet in front of him and lead to Happiness, because they have an open mind and good intentions. A romantic man lives by the wind of Freedom ... When I start talking about the plan of life, the mandatory discipline, the need for priorities and calculating the profitability of investments, their eyes fade, and I feel like a jailer who extinguishes the best sparks of their soul.
Vlad never tolerated what is "necessary". And "I want" has led to a dead end.
So, we must think, work and seek.
It is for such bright and good people that I year after year look and will continue to look for forms of work, when everything needed is served in an attractive and easy wrapper. When «Must» is packed beautifully, as the most pleasant "I want". Probably, this we need to learn all of us.
SEND "NECESSOUS" IN THE TEXT OF TASTY "WANT"
The magic boots of Baba Tonya
Baba Tonya lives in Suzdal and all weekend trades near the Church of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary: she sells fairy boots. Souvenirs. A pair of small boots - a hundred rubles, a wolf guard of wool - thirty rubles. Her business is successful, because everyone knows: the woman Tonya takes care of seven children’s homes in the Vladimir region. For her there everything is grandchildren.
"All my goods fit into this small purse. But if I sell everything that I have in this purse, you probably will be surprised, I will dress at least 20 children of the orphanage. "
She has real eyes and a thoughtful, very intelligent speech of an intelligent person. Still: before retirement, she was the head of the department of the scientific research institute. About boots says realistically:
"This is uninteresting, depressing with its stupid work. If she did not bring me such income, did not help with the orphans, I would have it hard. But since she helps people all the same, helps orphans, I lay down and lay down..."
Day after day, five pairs a day - then to stand on the weekend, in the cold to trade, and then go shopping and carry boxes with gifts on orphanages.
Well, the boxes are very heavy, here help your own children and grandchildren.
But Baba Tonya is not loved because she supplies children with clothes and sweet fruits. She is a grandmother who knows everyone by name, who is waiting, for whom children’s performances are arranged, for which children want to learn poetry and learn dances. In the orphanages, the woman Tonya is not just a guest, she is jokingly called an examiner here: she can easily visit without warning, and if something is not right, cold food in plates, or children’s clothes are not ironed - she, for all her kindness, will be. And they listen to her. RONO usually calls after her visits: "How is Antonina Petrovna? Are you satisfied with it? "
"Life then ends when you stop doing good and take care of people. Then you no longer live: why are you needed? If I did not do anything good to anyone this day, I think: "Yes, my God, God will punish me! Why did he give me this day? "Even if you do not buy anything, you will not get anything, but just stand next to me for at least one minute, you will definitely have something pleasant. Why? You are surprised, and I know why. Because you are standing next to the richest and happiest grandmother!
"Baba Tonya is 83 years old, she has been helping orphanages for forty years. For Antonina Petrovna Makarova, life is a very simple and understandable thing. Do good every day, take care of people - this is the real, the most correct life.
Where does the right life begin? It begins with caring, joy and thoughtfulness, that is, the moment when a person wakes up, turns on the head and begins to think. Let’s think about these things together.
Life becomes right when we begin to be caring.
Being carefree is wonderful, but carefree life is possible only when someone else cares about you. Carefree childhood is given to children by caring and loving parents. A carefree vacation today will only be for the one who took care of him yesterday. Carefree can be successful, but successful, seriously successful - only a caring person.
A LIVELESS LIFE IS POSSIBLE ONLY THEN WHEN SOMEONE CARES ABOUT YOU
If we want to be successful, we need to learn to be caring, and it’s good that it is not very difficult. In the beginning - just take care of yourself. After that - take care of your future, because it will become your real, right? After that - take care of family and friends, and those who know how to take care, do it with pleasure. When you become big, strong and rich, in the course of life it is appropriate and pleasant to take care of others. And when you begin to think about the meaning of life, it is naturally necessary to take care of those who come to this life after you.
CARE - NATURALLY
Light and tranquility of joy
But caring is not a fussy concern, it’s not troubling eyes, a frowning forehead and tense intonations. Fussy concern is just with those who too often allow themselves carelessness, and then run, trying to get out of the problems that they themselves created. Fussy concern - most often the behavior is demonstrative, it’s the flag «I’m in trouble and need your help!", But such a flag will never be raised by someone who cares about others. Life becomes harder - well, a caring person becomes more attentive and more focused. If there is an opportunity to use the help of those who are located to this - it is sure to ask for help and take advantage of it, but there is absolutely nothing to worry about here.
Caring is joyful. Concern is dark and painful. I think that the right life is joyful!
A helpful fool is more dangerous than an enemy.
Caring should be smart. Foolish care is not encouraging, but annoying. Excessive care to protect children from the burdens of life educates people, just in time, not ready for life. How to find this measure of caring, the right style of care? Here you need a head, you need a mind: observation, experience of reflection, the ability to draw conclusions. Real, proper care is not just the sincerity of sincere warmth, it is also the result of training and further training, it is experience and professionalism.
Between the doctor cold, but professional - and cordial, but poorly trained, I’ll choose, rather, a quality professional. Because a caring dilettante can sometime turn out to be helpless, and once and directly harm, simply because of the lack of necessary knowledge and skills, while a real professional does not trash, but knows his business always.
Care is the line of the heart. The right mind must be enriched by heartful solicitude, but the line of the heart must be supplemented by the line of the mind.
CARE SHOULD BE SMART
To whom it came from childhood, once it can be learned.
We begin our studies!
How to improve yourself
If you suddenly do not like your shadow - some stooped, curved, - then, to straighten it, you straighten yourself. Naturally. Similarly, if you do not quite like your life, the only way to correct it is to correct yourself. Your life is a reflection of your personality, and ...
• Correctly, you guessed,
you should start with yourself. If you live well, but want excellent, then you are good, but you have to become - excellent!
• Do you mind?
Then - go!
Correctly put thinking
Mannequins put a gait, swimmers - stroking, a boxer - a blow. Similarly, each of us can put thinking.
Thinking is not just a flow of thoughts on the wire of what is happening. Thinking is a work that must produce a product and move your life forward. To learn this - productive, working - thinking, do one curious exercise. Features of a person successful in life: test
Write the traits of a person successful in life: 10 features, features that seem to you the most important and vivid.
It’s not difficult, and your results will really be interesting to you: therefore, find the pen and immediately, in the book (option - on a separate sheet) write 10 most important in your opinion features and features of a successful person.
• Write - you will like it, it makes sense.
Now we study what happened.
Most likely, you wrote very correct things. Check it out easily: show your list to another intelligent person and ask: "Can you say that these are the traits of a successful person?" If an intelligent person does not want to be clever, he simply says "Yes." Yes, you are an intelligent person, you wrote everything correctly.
But: the knowledge of the mind does not add. Therefore - the following questions to your list.
Mark the plus of those items, the presence of which depends on you personally, and do not come with age or are given to a person by nature. With a minus note, that depends little on you: what you consider to be the innate qualities of a person.
For example, "focus on the result" (instead of scattered wanderings), you, rather, include yourself, nature has nothing to do with it. If there are "wisdom" or "charisma" items on your list, the matter is different: wisdom usually comes (or does not come) simply with age, the charisma of the leader is often given from birth: either it is, or it is not in you.
• Strictly speaking, charisma is developing too, it’s just that this is not a quick thing, and special techniques are needed.
So, if by nature or by age -
Next. Mark with new pluses those qualities that you can develop with which you can work. Minuses are qualities that you can not develop, to which you do not have a development methodology.
How to develop a "sense of humor" and "luck", seriously I do not know. If you also do not have effective methods, put a minus. But to "system thinking" I have methods, games and exercises that such thinking develops, and I’m ready to mark this point with a plus.
And the last. Put the pluses next to the points that inspire you, motivate, which makes you want to earn them. Minuses mark the list items that you will hardly develop - personality traits to which you are indifferent or, moreover, cause a protest.
Discipline - for a successful person this is very correct, very clear and concrete, but far from all this concept motivates.
It is interesting that if the same thing is called by another word, for example "organization", then "organization" usually motivates much more than "discipline". "I am accustoming myself to discipline" - does not sound, but "I develop organization" - is pronounced solidly.
Total, the items on our list are marked with pluses and minuses. What does it mean? It’s simple: the more you have pluses, the more correctly your thinking is built, the better it works for you. On the other hand, the more minuses you have, the more minuses your thinking, your (not) skill and habit of thinking.
More than 15 cons - it’s quite sad, I hope this does not apply to you.
From 10 to 15 - read the recommendations further, work with thinking is necessary.
From 5 to 10 - not bad, read the recommendations further, to improve their thinking is always useful.
Less than 5 - I congratulate you with great interest read the recommendations further and understand that you have always done this before and plan to do it always.
Things are right - and those that work
"Minus" opposite to this or that concept means that this concept is not working, for life - empty. This information, with which it is not clear what to do, will lie in your head next to other similar non-working knowledge, while you will become more intelligent and increasingly unsuccessful in life.
The head is a weak object, it is not suitable for loading with intellectual garbage in large volumes.
We know a lot of the right things, but in life it’s more important not the right things, but those that work: for us and for us. The statement of fact is a dummy, it does not work. What does not depend on us, what is unclear how to develop, what does not inspire us - all these are dead, empty, not workers for knowledge.
IN LIFE, IMPORTANT ARE NOT RIGHT THINGS, BUT THOSE THAT WORK
I once became interested in the methods of proper nutrition. I found a clever book of an intelligent professor, read it carefully and went, as usual, to pour into the boiled meat quick-soup.
• It’s fast and edible, right?
The professor wrote everything cleverly and correctly, but it did not affect my life in any way. And then I picked up a new book by Vladimir Lvovich Levy, "Talking in Letters," plunged into his lively and quivering narrative, after which I had not eaten meat for thirty years. At the same time, I do not claim at all that this is correct. VL himself (we lived next to him at that time) somehow skeptically commented on my enthusiasm: "Kolya, when I wrote this book, I just could not eat many foods, so I wrote about it so scary about it myself, frightening consequences!"
Levy’s book was not based on strict scientific facts, it was more inspired, like a poem, and therefore it was its content - the worker. Effective.
How to think correctly
It’s right to think - it means thinking about what you need, when you need it and how it should be. And this means:
Accustom yourself to think specifically.
"Working on yourself", "Improving yourself", "Eradication of their shortcomings" - the words are beautiful, but usually nothing is worth it. And the one who uses such words, often stays in one place.
The one who builds the right life, thinks with concepts that work. Move it and life
"Get up, count! Great things await you! "," The morning begins with charging "," He got up - cleaned the bed "," He left the house - straightened his shoulders "- things simple and concrete. And the benefit of such thoughts, efficient orders to oneself, is great.
Stop loading yourself with reflections about what will not lead to anything.
Do not talk about it, do not go to those people where these conversations arise, do not read what will push you to these reflections. Take care of yourself with something simple and useful.
• For example, for you in the near future it is: ... What?
Think about what you need to think about right now.
If you have a sheet before your eyes, where you write down the business of the day ahead, everything becomes easier - you are organized by this business sheet. If your friends are good people, your friends will organize your thinking. Next to them you always start to think about the good. About the right.
Think so that you will come to the results that will please you or will be useful to you.
How is this?
Suppose you are thinking about your work.
Are you planning to change something there? Do you really plan to change something there? If yes, then think on, and be sure. If not, stop thinking and get down to business.
Do you have any business?
Further. Thinking about your work, you thought and came to the conclusion that you are a specialist of low level and you can hardly do anything about it in the near future.
And upset, of course.
Curious: and why did you think about it that way? It raised your self-confidence, helped you do the things that are for you? Think about how differently you can think of yourself in such a way as to believe in yourself and to teach yourself even a small thing that is useful to you in your work.
Learn to print ten fingers? Stop making excuses? Something else?
Write down this useful conclusion here.
And you can think and make serious decisions. Life is yours, alone, why yes?
I’m thinking about such a serious decision:
-------- --------------------- ------------
In this book, I will be pleased to introduce you to people whom I respect myself and that cause respect for others . There are many such people, but it’s better to talk about people known.
Benjamin Franklin is a very famous person.
"About 1728, I conceived a bold and difficult plan to achieve moral excellence, highlighting of the moral virtues known to me thirteen of the most important. Here are the names of these virtues with the appropriate instructions:
Abstinence. - There is not until satiety, drink not to intoxication.
Silence. "To say only that which can benefit me or another; avoid empty talk.
Order. - Keep all your things on the ground; for each lesson there is a time.
Determination. - Dare to do what needs to be done; to strictly implement what is decided.
Thrift. - Spending money only on what brings benefit to me or others, that is, nothing to waste.
Industriousness. - Do not waste time in vain; be always busy with anything useful, give up all unnecessary actions.
Sincerity. - Do not cause harmful deception, have clean and fair thoughts; in the conversation also adhere to this rule.
Justice. - Do not cause harm to anyone, do not commit injustice and do not omit good deeds that are among your duties.
Moderation. - Avoid extremes; to restrain, as far as you think is appropriate, a sense of resentment from injustice.
Purity. - Do not allow bodily impurity; observe neatness in clothes and home.
Calm down. - Do not worry about trifles and about ordinary or inevitable cases.
Chastity. - It is not often to surrender to love joys, only for the sake of health or the product of offspring, never to do this until dullness, exhaustion, and also to the detriment of one’s own or another’s reputation.
Humility. "Imitate Jesus and Socrates."
Probably, this list does not pretend to be universal and will suit not many, but for a beginner the life of 22-year-old Ben Franklin, he was working and necessary. You know that Benjamin Franklin has become one of the most respected people in his country.
Ten features of a successful person
The plan of moral perfection and the list of the most important virtues is not the same as the features of a person successful in life. Naturally, your list will be different, more business-like, although it’s hardly right to completely separate life success from what is attributed to morality, ethics and human decency.
Conduct an experiment, interview business people, owners and business leaders, which they most appreciate in their colleagues. Hear different things, but two points will meet more often than others: "business" (another name is "professional") and "predictable". What it is? This is another name for decency. If you are confident in the actions of a partner, are confident that he will not throw you - the partner is predictable. And it is very appreciated.
Decent, responsible, caring and loving people have their own, quite real life success due to the fact that they are respected, valued and loved by others. They can be vouched for and given credit, they can be helped by friends, they find it easier to find their love, they grow wonderful children. They live in harmony with themselves and their conscience, and this is a lot. Perhaps, for the same reason, they have sincere smiles and good health.
Ten features of a successful person, who, perhaps, for you will become attractive and working concepts, is:
1. The body is healthy and energetic.
2. Joyful perception of life. Good. Sun. Do not peep! Joy, Positive and energy.
3. Feeling of another. I’m not the navel of the earth, but turned to people. I always see, hear and feel people next to me, try to understand them as well as I feel.
4. Caring. I remember and care about the people around me, helping those who need my care.
5. Always in a meaningful work. I cherish every minute, I do not engage in empty entertainment, I’m always in the business.
6. Aim for the result. Setting goals, planning, responsible execution, accurate adjustment. The goal is set - the goal will be achieved.
7. Position of the civilized leader. I do not wait and answer someone, but I form and do it myself. I become a leader to do more and help people.
8. Installation for cooperation. Together, you can do more than one. The best win, when everyone wins. I’m glad when we are rich all together.
9. Decency. I do not let people down, I keep my word, I carry out agreements, respect my colleagues, do not marshal, I do not lie behind my back, I do not solve my problems at someone else’s expense. Whatever I do, the amount of good in the world should increase.
10. Always in development. I never stand still, I change quickly and with pleasure. Development is my natural way of being.
The list is not a dogma, but a way to organize oneself. Once again think about what you wrote before that, compare it with the list proposed to you, and make your decisions. Approach the question creatively, and it’s not at all necessary that there are exactly ten items in the list ... It is important that as a result you stop at what pleases you, what you want to return to, and that now you have set yourself at least one specific task.
"I will work on ..."
«I’ll start then ..."
"My first step will be ..."
With business people talking about love and decency is not always easy. But interesting.
Vladimir Klinkov, passing my training, did it qualitatively, like everything he did. Successful publishing business, free knowledge of the six languages, ability to set and achieve goals ... - he was ahead in everything. Excellent closed all the main colors of the training course "Distance", in accounting and time planning showed just phenomenal results, having earned the ability to account for the result of every (two!) Minutes of his life.
And suddenly - rested. The last exercise of "Distances" is "Love". "If I loved how I would treat myself, to people, to things, to life ..." And Vladimir asked the question: "Why?" Why should I love? What is the meaning for me in this exercise? "
• If Vladimir asked questions, they were not accidental, well thought out.
For other cadets of "Distance» such a question did not exist. Especially women were raging: "Why?" Well, how can it be without love ?! Only if you love, life becomes beautiful, filled with real meaning! "Vladimir was even, calm, reasonable:" The exercise "Good" I worked, the mood is always positive, I do not need questions about the meaning of life. In general, personal life interests me very little, but why should I love in business? "Emotional arguments broke about him as a rock: he was a businessman and a rationalist.
Vladimir needed rational arguments, serious arguments. Well, as psychiatrists say, "every person should be spoken in the format of his delirium." That is in his language. I offered him: "Vladimir, until now my proposals have been profitable for you, do this as an experiment. You are talented, you can live with love without much work, you will last a week. Live with love, report the results in a week. Is there? "-" Yes! ".
To love is profitable. Love is a very promising resource!
Vladimir came in two weeks with eyes filled with love. "Love is great. I now love my clients with all my heart, I love negotiations with love, especially negotiations are difficult, I love my subordinates and colleagues that I have to deal with. I report: on one love, I made an additional four thousand dollars for the last week. To love is profitable. When I love people, they manage to negotiate faster, clients carry money faster, I do business with more willingness and less tired. In the quarterly plan, I included the inculcation of love for my key employees, I want them too to start loving. Love is a very promising resource! "
•" Each person should be spoken in the format of his delusions ... "
What to do with the shortcomings: work on the positive
Do not I destroy my enemies when I make my friends out of them?
We all have shortcomings, and we have to fight with our shortcomings.
Yes it’s true.
But it’s true - not the best.
Compare two things:
Children do not struggle with their shortcomings. Children love themselves, but they treat their own characteristics with interest.
• Well, I did. Interesting! And parents will cry - to replace the diaper.
Children develop faster than adults.
• And not just faster, but naturally and with pleasure.
Does this tell you about something?
Disadvantages - this is a dissatisfied naming of its features. Like - we call "cautious person", do not like it - "cowardly".
Disadvantages are just peculiarities out of place. When you need a "thoughtful person who is not inclined to take impulsive decisions," you are valued, in another situation you will be with the same characteristics - "ordinary brake".
We also call a disadvantage that we do not know how to use. If you have already learned how to present yourself, you will be called with a smile "he is very lively and addicted", otherwise you will be considered "frivolous and unorganized". And you are the same ...
Perhaps we do not immediately learn how to best use all our features: indeed, some features will regularly bring us (and others) more grief than joy, but that’s why it makes sense with ourselves to agree: there are no shortcomings.
We have peculiarities, because each of us is different from the other. And our task, with love and responsible attitude towards ourselves, to our own peculiarities, taking these features as a basis (there are still no others!), To develop ourselves further. Do yourself even better. Because we are already a unique, complex and rare creature, well, and further tuning, the ability to make the best use of our features is the right next task.
Meet Leonid: Leonid is not happy with himself. He knows that he is lazy and unorganized, and does not believe that with such shortcomings he can achieve something in life, even if in some way he is capable. In addition, he is also hot-tempered, and he is very ashamed when he breaks into his friends. It’s really just awful. Most of all, he is uncomfortable when someone discusses his shortcomings, even if he does it with a desire to help him. Maybe someone gets to change himself, but not with him: where is he with his laziness and disorganization ... Sometimes he has a desire to once again fight with himself, but he does not believe that something will come of it. The more he fights with his flaws, the more often he loses.
And now - let’s look at him, but when Leonid himself looks at himself differently: in a positive. Leonid is proud of himself: he is capable, easily switches, quickly grasps the new, quick-witted and knows how to admit his wrong. He is reliable and honest in relations, and therefore in his future he is sure: he will do everything he dreams about. Yes, he knows his own characteristics: he is sometimes hot-tempered, sometimes likes to relax with pleasure and does not always on time. However, he often presents himself as the embodiment of all conceivable merits, believes in himself, and the immediate task is to add to himself the organization.
When Leonid looks at himself in a positive way, he develops more successfully.
You can change yourself, revealing your dignity, you can - struggling with their shortcomings. Combating the shortcomings could sometime be effective, but more often these heroic battles lead to a dead end and are simply ineffective. "Resign with their shortcomings" is a phrase and position from the same battlefields, only the battles of the lost. It is much more interesting and more promising to develop ourselves, seeing our own characteristics and basing ourselves on our own merits.
Do not fight your irritability, instead, remember your desire to organize your life. Accustom yourself to go to bed on time, start the morning with a cheerful charge, write down your tasks for a day and often rest - these, the simplest things, will give you the desired result much quicker.
As long as you do not have enough strength and skill to easily change yourself, use this wise tactic: do not destroy your shortcomings, multiply your merits. The advantage will be in your favor, and this is the most important thing.
On the field of your internal struggle you need a superiority of forces in your favor: use for this tactic "work on the positive." In addition to the preponderance of forces, working on the positive will give you a much more favorable emotional background, a sense of joy and respect for yourself. Do not correct yourself - correct the bad, and it’s not about you. You are more suited to the position and look: "What do I need to add to the classroom?" You can change yourself. By adding more and more useful features and dignities to yourself, it’s wonderful.
Well, so with yourself and agree:
WE DO NOT HAVE SHORTCOMINGS. WE HAVE FEATURES. AND ADVANTAGES!
How to organize your memory
Memory is the foundation of our life, and it must also be properly organized.
Internal and external memory
The best memory is not for someone who remembers everything, but for someone who easily finds everything you need
- Do you remember the definition of memory?
- Which of the Russians is included in the Guinness book for the best memory?
- What did you do yesterday at 16.30? If you immediately formulate: "Memory is the ability to store and reproduce information. Samvel Garibyan is brought to the book of Guinness, he can remember and reproduce 2000 foreign words. Yesterday at 16.30 pm I called home "- you have a wonderful, natural memory. Unfortunately, with the volume of information that is required today for us every day, there is not enough to remember everything. Then another, external, artificial memory comes to our aid - our ability to collect the necessary information and the habit of recording it on external media so that all that is needed, we could always easily find.
DEVELOP YOUR EXTERNAL MEMORY: LEARN YOURSELF ALL TO WRITE
At present, external media are more reliable than "I’ll remember everything." Do not overload your head: accustom yourself to everything you need to write down. External memory is regularly underestimated, and with the habit of recording everything at once and organizing itself with a schedule, life becomes easier. Develop your external memory, and to do this, think of where (what) it is convenient for you to fix thoughts and deeds, accustom yourself to carry a notepad, dictaphone, PDA or laptop (what use?) And everything important to immediately record.
Do not expect that remember, do not strain to remember and do not scold yourself, that you forgot: instead of all this, make yourself comfortable reminders. Sheet A4 - a poster-reminder, stickers - reminders are small, on the computer - pop-up reminders to the desired date. It is more comfortable.
All important write right away. What you did not immediately write down, usually just disappears from your life.
Write down your plans: morning plan of the day, weekly plans.
In the evening, write down the results: what was done?
Accustom yourself to use the Outlook daily: write all the cases there, and you will always be sure that you have a wonderful memory.
Start a diary where you will write your dreams, plans, decisions and conclusions. And just observations that seem important to you.
Memory positive and negative
There are people who remember better pleasant meetings and interesting people, their positive experience, their successes and successes. And the other after the last day remembers only how late he was, how stupid he was and how this scumbag was laughing at me ... This is also a different kind of memory: memory is positive and negative memory. First of all it makes sense to develop a positive memory: it will give you strength, self-confidence and vision of prospects.
Do not remember what you do not need, especially if it’s old and sick memories. Do not rummage in photos, if they do not cause anything in you, except sadness. The pain draws to itself, but your task is to be stronger than it and not to follow it.
How unnecessary to forget? Do not forget anything special. Take care of yourself, be always busy, always be in future business, remember what you need, and everything that you do not need will fall off of you by itself.
Do I have to leave my negative memory, keep negative information? The question is not simple. Someone needs it.
Are you already late for the fifth time just because you did not get an alarm? Be kind, do not forget how you ran, sticking out your tongue and breathing heavily, and then awkwardly justified. These are not the most pleasant pictures, but they will help you next time with an alarm clock to make friends.
Probably, it is not accurate to say that it is more correct to remember precisely and only good. It is more correct to remember what is needed. Some difficult and even sick things need to be remembered, they can additionally keep us on course even in a strong wind and not be distracted by pleasant trifles. But more often, to a greater extent, we need to remember the joyful and bright, remember those we love, do not forget what is really dear to us.
How can we develop our positive memory, how to teach ourselves to remember exactly what is needed?
Diary of merits.
Begin each day to write ten of your new virtues and skills. The first days will be difficult, then even more difficult, and in a few days there will be ... probably this can be called "enlightenment": you will understand that you can talk about it simply without a break.
You are beautiful, in what direction do not look, you knew how to do it, and this ... Naturally, there is no need to talk about this to those who are not interested, but you should know about yourself. What for? To meet with a difficult task, do not sigh sadly: "What can I do?", And quickly recall their strengths and opportunities. No problem, there are creative tasks for those who are armed with an arsenal: an arsenal of skills. Multiply this arsenal of life and keep it in your memory.
The book where my dreams live. Usually such notebooks are made by children: they draw, write and glue themselves everything that is seen as a dream. Children are generally brave, they do what they like, and they allow themselves to dream freely. Adults are so openly dreaming, of course, ashamed ... Well, do not show anyone your personal selection: your beloved, carefully kept.
Strong plans are born only from a strong dream: boldly and with pleasure fantasize, enthusiastically tell your friends your dreams, carefully write down your dreams in a notebook, book or password-protected file ... The dream lives in memory just as in our memory despair or fatigue can live. What will we load into ourselves?
The house in which you will be happy, the car is just like that, the sunset - yes, it will be just as quiet, and her hand will be in my hand, and we will sail on the boat that I just found in this magazine and paste on this page ...
Journal of success. We remember what we direct our attention to. Why memorize your failures, why record their attention to them? Accustom your attention to fix those turns of events and those of your actions that give you a sense of joy, a desire to go forward and do something further. Specifically: set a task every day to write ten of your luck (well, it happened) and ten of your successes (it was you who did it).
And mistakes: do you need to remember your mistakes? You need to remember your mistakes, but it’s better to take them differently. An error is not a bad thing. This is not negative. An error is a good solution, which later turned out to be not optimal. And as soon as we realized it, we got smarter. That is - the next time in a similar situation we will do more precisely. Well and good. And that’s all. And what else? ..
Mistakes - analyzed, put in the future. And that’s all.
Well, we have already moved on to the next type of memory: the memory of the future.
Memory of the past and the memory of the future
My colleagues-psychologists, researchers of memory, suggest that the reserves of our memory are almost inexhaustible. Our head is enough for us to remember everything and always: and that random conversation on the street, and the swaying of every branch of that and any other tree. It seems that everything that has ever been remembered for an accidental moment will be remembered, and it’s kept with us forever.
But this does not mean that each of us has a wonderful memory. What we actually remember is not always available to us, and it is often necessary to use special methods so that a person recalls what happened to him, for example, many years ago. Usually we really remember only what is available in our memory, what lies on small regiments of RAM.
What lies - or what we put there.
So, most people do not put anything into memory: that from the past "it will be postponed" - it will be remembered. And not postponed - so I do not remember. More organized people do it differently: they see something, having heard or experienced, they decide whether they need to remember it or not, and, if necessary, put it in memory.
Someone puts on the shelf "Past", and someone on the shelf - "Future", and thus these two different types of memory appear. The memory of the past is a memory of what is significant, what has happened in our life, this is the vision of our life back. The memory of the future is a memory of what you are planning and planning, this is a vision of your life ahead. If you try to just remember what happened - you put it in the memory of the past. If you see what you are trying to build into some future plan, you include your memory of the future.
• By the way, curious: when we recall the past, we usually look a little to the left. When we think about looking at the future, we look to the right.
How to remember in the future? If you have seen or heard something important, then what you definitely need in the future may be necessary, then you need to think about when exactly at what moment of the future you need what happened today and put at that moment a future when it will be necessary remember.
In my head I clicked: "When we get home, we must remember to call my mother." This is important, therefore, we must put in the future. We represent how we come home, how we undress and go into the room, and here is the phone in front of us. Phone - call your mom. There is a reminder to the future put.
They came, they called, the conversation was over. Is there something to remember? No, it’s all right, there’s nothing to remember. The past conversation can be forgotten (after all, it is not needed?), We throw it out of our heads, we live next future.
"A good memory" is what memory, the memory of the past or the future? Anyone who lives only with his past can remember in detail all that he once had, and do not represent his future at all. How will develop - and will develop. And the one who lives only his future, knows all that he plans for today, tomorrow and further, everything is ready for the future - and he does not remember what happened to him yesterday.
"It was a long time ago, it was - yesterday!" - this is true, for many people with a memory of the future, living energetic and busy life, yesterday is already madly far away, as if from a past life.
Of course, I want to have both these memories, but in life it is rare. Ordinary people live by ordinary memory and remember mostly the past, and those who are important to the future are not always interested in the past.
Or, more precisely, it is not always considered cost-effective to occupy your head with this. Why remember the past that will not be needed in the future?
Remembering everything is like keeping everything at home that you have ever acquired ... After a while, there is a desire to free the premises from not the most necessary things, because when things are too much, it is already difficult to find what you need. Also, memory: the best is not one that remembers everything, but one that promptly prompts exactly what is needed right now.
The memory of the future is very convenient: everything that is needed is in the head, and what is not needed is thrown out of the head and does not distract.
Let’s repeat: probably it’s best to be a Universal: and remember all of the past, and never forget your plans, constantly building and filling your future, but if you do not have enough of your head, it is more useful to develop the memory of the future.
• Do you need it? When will you begin to develop it? Have you already presented this future? Has this decision already been put into its future?
Memory of the family
The memory of the family is the memory of your family history, who your grandfathers and grandmothers were, what their path and fate were, how your parents went on this way and what is ahead for you. The memory of the family is a natural vision, absorbed from childhood, of a right life, and if we remember this message, if we are proud of our parents, we will never allow ourselves to live less worthily.
Children are brought up by the atmosphere and spirit of the parent family, the chain of life lives by continuity. Our life begins with our parents, with the way of their life and their values. The life of our children will begin with the way we live. The memory of the family is transmitted naturally, a way of life, a general laugh at the table and things that we have taken in hand since childhood. But memory becomes stronger when put on words, in notes and stories: it is better to remember something, then retell. If children not only absorb, but also remember the history of their family, know whose grandchildren they are and what the elders are proud of in their lives, the memory of the family becomes stronger: not only by the fabric of life, but also by the oral tradition.
My parents died a long time ago, but they are always alive for me and always close: at any moment when I need to consult, I see my father and I understand what action he would definitely endorse. I know that every day I must live so that my father and mother are proud of me. I would like to tell you what I remember about my parents. Today I understand that my life took place precisely because of what my father and mother did for this, and this gives me guidelines to convey all the most important to my children.
I think that my parents lived a simple and correct life, like many people around me, people I know and do not know.
I grew up in a happy and beautiful family, taking it for granted and not really realizing that this is not how children live. Dad and Mom were not angels, but just smart, decent and beautiful people. Sometimes, of course, everything: once my sister and I got seriously taken from our father - the past war sufficiently shattered his nerves, he sometimes broke down and always worried after that. I can definitely say that Dad was the center of the family and we loved him. I know he really wanted a son: I know that he was a smoker before my birth, and in my family album I saw a humorous photo where he sleeps in an armshold with a bottle, but all this has rigidly ceased with my appearance, and neither I have never seen my father smoking or drinking in my life.
• I also celebrated the birth of my children by completely refusing wine and meat and starting the daily mandatory ice douches.
Mom was very straightforward and sometimes a bit rude. I remember when I was 12 years old, I started talking to her: "Mom, I read that there are such people - diplomats, they always talk politely and pick up expressions ..." Mom answered with conviction: "We are not diplomats, we speak from the heart!" But I already decided that in my family I want to be a diplomat: "Not a drop of cold, sharp, evil!"
I repeat the main thing - my father and mother were not angels, but they loved each other, breathed a sincere and most natural desire to live according to the clever and good, and my sister and I always felt like the main project of their life.
Kozlov Ivan Nikitovich was born in the village of Malinovka in the Tula region in 1919 and, no matter who in life, in the soul, he was always an artist. Homes hung his landscapes and still lifes, he drew sketches of dishes, worried if these sketches did not take any artistic advice, drove me and his sister to the Tretyakov Gallery and the names of Leonardo da Vinci, Titian, Michelangelo, Raphael and Rembrandt I knew from childhood . He was categorically not an authoritarian person, but his opinion was always very important to me. I absorbed much more from him than I remembered, and I remembered the simple rule that my father told me when he tried to justify himself, referring to others: "What do the others have to do with it? Always answer for yourself! "
• Perhaps, it is since then that the links" People do not do this! "Mean nothing to me. Well, do not. And I can. And if necessary - I will.
Mom, Kozlova (nee Inyutochkina) Tatiana Matveyevna, also from the village: the village of Ungor of the Ryazan region. Once the family was well-off, as a result of which her father was shot, the grandmother (Gracheva Anastasia Lukyanovna) married a second time in a family where there were already a lot of children ... It’s interesting to imagine this from the side: here in the village there are a lot of all snotty and cute girls , they like to walk with the guys in the evening and dream of marrying a tractor driver, but one of them, the girl Tanya, after studying for seven years in a village school, at the age of 16 throws everything and leaves for Kasimov city. Weaving factory, awful roar of machine tools (it is from there for a lifetime hearing is slightly lowered), but - courses Voroshilovsky arrow, parachute jumping, in the evening, overlaid with books, studying for an accountant. The war began, the youth dug anti-tank ditches and worked on logging. She lived in an apartment. Three years later she married and left for Ryazan - a mistake, with a drunkard not on the way, but Ryazan is an interesting city. She became friends with the daughter of the director of the school, she often went there, in this family the village girl Tanya Inyutochkina joined the basics of culture. "Culture" for my mother was always the highest and indisputable value, above which there was only common sense. My mother could and did work, "be lazy" - she did not understand, temperament - fighting, any obstacles caused her only the wrath of overcoming, add modesty, decency and a great desire to learn, multiplied by the bright natural beauty, and it will be clear why Tatiana Matveyevna, who did not receive higher education (she simply did not have enough time), already worked as a senior accountant at 24, she began to head the Planning and Finance Department in the Ministry of Procurement of the USSR, moved to Moscow at the age of 27, and in a couple of years already on the line of Intourist worked in Austria, in Vienna.
• They say that she was an accountant from God, loved figures, accuracy and never went into reports on "compromises".
A couple of times it slowed her, but more than once - it saved.
Austria, Vienna - for her was the peak of life, the embodiment of a fairy tale and a dream. I repeat: without miracles, without connections, it is only through your hard work and perseverance from the deaf village that you can independently go out into the world where Tyrolean songs are sounded and beautiful soldiers achieve her hand and heart. A world where she is a self-respecting and respected specialist, where she can buy her magic crystal chandelier and her gold watch, and the service from Meissen porcelain, and fur and carpets to all her relatives for her honestly earned money.
• If you have always had this, you will not understand this. And those who won it themselves will understand and appreciate.
Three years later, returning to Russia, a rich and beautiful bride (although not flirtatious, though - too self-sufficient and too smart) began to seek a pair. Here I do not know everything, not everything was so simple, there were even more enviable suitors than Ivan Kozlov, but the choice was made, and it was the best choice for them both: for the rest of their lives, they seemed to be amazed every day by the joy of being together.
At first Marina was born, in a year and a half I was born. We lived then on the territory of the state farm Krasny Luch (now it is the territory of Cherkizovsky Park, where the stadium is Lokomotiv), in a two-story barrack on the bank of the Bishops’ (now Cherkizovsky) pond. I remember the garden, strawberries and sunny meadows with fluttering dandelions.
Every summer we went to the sea: Evpatoria, Anapa, Sochi, Koktebel ... - always together and always together. Lived, as a rule, in a tent, sometimes we were chased by border guards, but we came from Crimea and traveled all. In winter, with the same regularity every Sunday, we all went skiing: I always froze, but then we sat down on the most beautiful lawn under a snow-covered tree, my father lit a tile on dry alcohol, and my mother roasted us a hot omelette. It was very tasty, and my hands warmed.
Our family was friends with Vasilevsky (Aunt Anya, Baba Katya, Uncle Kostya, Vera and Alenka) and Sunko (Kirill Fyodorovich and Alexandra Ivanovna), together they often went to Muranovo and Arkhangelsk, went to museums, played badminton, ran race, and I started my planes there. When there were movie cameras, we began to shoot family films and we, and the Wasilewski, and then gathered and looked at them together. I did not always like to go on a visit - just because I had to eat a lot at the table, but on the other hand, the meetings were interesting: it was not a stupid chewing meal, there were games and dances, sometimes there were staged performances and almost lectures: "The Cathedrals of Old Moscow."
• The lecturer is Uncle Kostya. If we consider that Konstantin Efimovich Vasilevsky’s grandfather was a priest, then the level of lectures was guaranteed.
Soon to the wonders of my childhood (which, I repeat, I took for granted everything) there was a summer vacation on the Experimental Field. I will explain what it is. This is the most beautiful lake in the forest near Moscow, and so, we put up tents there and lived all three summer months. Parents swam in the morning in the lake and two buses (with a transfer) (and then the metro) went to Moscow to work, in the evening returning with food. We also lived in the forest with my grandmother (she slept with us in a tent on a cot) -
cooked on a small gas stove,
• and therefore the foresters did not bother us,
followed the squirrels in the hazel grove, gathered mushrooms, raspberries, and on Saturdays and Sundays stalls and workers of the Kuibyshev district came to the Experimental Field. We after them with the sister collected bottles and bought the ice cream on the proceeds. And after the stalls with ice cream there was a lot of dry ice, and we had a cold cellar for several days.
And then Mom and Dad decided to arrange for us all a trip to Meshcheru, a reserved lake district in the Ryazan region. Ten days of a wonderful boat trip, on my birthday - August 16 - we stopped for a halt in some very beautiful place, where the fish bite was good, and my father went to the village to buy a chicken. And I bought a house, and since then every summer I spend in Meshchera, which became my second home. There, together with our father (with our own hands!) We built next to the old house of Olgin our new house, with high ceilings and bright windows, my father himself folded the stove and painted it in Russian style.
• "Guest on the guest - the owner of joy." "The cottage is not red with corners, but red with pies".
There, in the village of Belyakovo, my father felt better, although diabetes did not lag behind him all these years, and in the process of his treatment his father planted his heart. After retiring, my father and mother decided to live in the village all the time, but it did not work out - in 1978, in the spring, my father died in the same place in the village. He was buried in a nearby village, in Struzhany. My mother lived for a long time, but the cancer opened, and in 1998 I buried her there, in Struzhany, next to my grandmother and father.
My mother’s life story helped me recall and restore Kirill Fyodorovich Sunko: he is now 91 years old, after 4 heart attacks he is still cheerful, I would say - athletic, at least his posture I envy every time.
To live in the future
The speed and direction of your development depends on how you understand yourself, who you understand yourself, how you imagine your personality. These questions are not abstract, not theoretical, your "theory" immediately becomes your practice.
And what options can there be? And what is preferable?
Am I a personality?
Personality is what?
When the police establish your identity, more precisely, the "person", she is interested in your name, registration and the absence of violations before the law.
And if you said to yourself: "Of course, I’m a person, I have a passport!" - you calmed down. And the tasks to development - did not receive.
For a lawyer, a person is something that has some kind of civil rights and freedoms, and a newborn from a legal point of view is already a person: a subject of rights. But the responsibility for the actions of children is imputed to their parents, and while the child has little responsibility, he has few rights. Therefore, from the point of view of a lawyer, he is not yet a complete, unformed personality.
Personality, but small. However, we are already adults, so these children’s problems do not concern us again.
For teenagers, as a rule, a person is what allows one image or social stand out among others. Otherness is different. Adults critically evaluate such a "personality", calling it only a militant individuality, but for teenagers is also a feat. To stand out among other teenagers, courage is needed. More precisely, mind, strength and courage. Because without courage you will not dare to stand out even by force, and if you dare stand out with a dumb power without a mind, you will not be a person, but an oak. And personality is a feat.
Personality is a feat.
It’s more interesting. Perhaps this already somehow affects you.
For psychologists, the personality is something more peaceful. This is what every healthy person has: the inner core that has been formed in him in the process of life among people and now determines his further views and actions. If this rod is not formed, if a person only passively reflects the expectations of others and is not independent in any way, he is not a person.
Unfortunately, this happens when oligophrenia. But we have something to do with it?
If a person has already formed an inner core - and this can be said about almost any adult person, then for a psychologist the personality is a peculiarity of features and features of a person.
For a psychologist, the criminal is a person. Personality with its unique, unique set of features and features. And you differ from the criminal only by another set ... it’s already good, although you want more.
If, however, ethics speak of the person, he speaks of the Person with a capital letter, and this is about the other. Personality with a capital letter, ethics calls not those who are in something special and unique, but those who bring real life to the people around them. We can say this: the more worthy you bring to other people as a free and independent person, the more you are a person. How much you, with all your life, will you bring to people?
And this is a good question to yourself: «How much I am a Person?"
Personality is not a given, but predestination
I propose to see in the person not a givenness but predicament. Not that which is already in us, not past merits and sins, but what a person is, then the task that man must do.
The situation: you have undergone psychological testing and have reliably learned your personality traits and features. According to the results, you are not very free, little independent, very lazy, often cowardly and often vindictive subject with developed logic. Comparing this with the history of your life failures, adding here the opinion of the boss and neighbors, you logically concluded that you are definitely not a person, and you, to all appearances, do not shine. So, what is next? Do something with this - what?
Make yourself a Person. Because a person is a project, not a story. Personality is not born, they become a person.
Well, but will there be a moment when we can confidently say: "We did it! All! Mission accomplished! "?
Let’s be realistic. It is perfectly normal if a well-established, adult and successful person feels worthy of a person. He knows without tests that he is decent and hardworking, creative and responsible, he is a person! If to be a person is a reward, then there must be rewarded people.
On the other hand, it is hardly correct when someone starts to hide behind their personal characteristics: "But this is the kind of person I am! I have such traits of character! I’m such a person! "
Do not rush to set limits. Personality is not a fence to hide behind.
Personality: a project that you always have
- I’m looking for myself ...
- And I’m doing myself.
We wish them success!
You today are your past. You are so, right. But you, looking at yourself today, - you can do more, because you have your future. And you create your future, as well as your personality: you can create, if you create such a plan. You are not a preparation, but in working on yourself you can become another person: the way you build yourself in accordance with your design. A person is a plan for a person, this is his future. You are the future - this is your plan for yourself, and in this sense there is no identity, because our personality is always ahead of us, like our "Tomorrow".
Everyone knows what "Tomorrow" is, and yet it is not. When the "Tomorrow" comes, this "Tomorrow" itself is again ahead, and again it is impossible to catch it by the tail. "Tomorrow" never exists today, today it does not exist - but it is the presence of our "Tomorrow" that makes us people with a future.
You today are your past. Your thoughts today are not exactly you, but what came to you from your "Yesterday". This is what you take as your past and can change, correct, clarify.
To you came unnecessary, superfluous thoughts - you drove them away. Correctly. Thoughts are not always you.
Your feelings are also not you, you have your relation to your feelings. You can rejoice in your beautiful feelings and get angry at feelings that are stupid and inappropriate. You were so, because you have feelings like that. These feelings came from your personal history, dictated by your past thoughts, memories and positions. You will become different, and other feelings will come to you.
• I am myself, and feelings are not me, but me.
Your body - especially not completely you: little does your body want, you have your plans, intentions and obligations. I know very brave people with a cowardly body: in a situation of danger, such a body becomes cold and shaking, but a person acts boldly and decisively, because a person is not his body. The body is your inner circle, your friend and ally, although, at one time, a source of problems. You can subordinate yourself to your body, and you can subjugate yourself, at least - with him to negotiate ... Your body may grow old, but you can stay young. Your body is your past, successful or difficult, beautiful or sick, and as you yourself will do tomorrow, you decide - you decide every next moment, every second.
Of course, this is true only if you choose that you are your own project and personal intention. If you choose to live your future and teach yourself to live in the future.
Friends and life perspectives
"Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are" - yes, it is. Your life, your lifestyle is shaped by your closest surroundings.
The amount of your income always tends to average arithmetic from the incomes of your environment.
• An interesting tip!
The magnitude of your joys essentially depends on whether people who are meaningful to you live happily.
• Joy - is contagious!
The number of your problems varies in direct proportion to the number of problems your loved ones and friends. If you are surrounded by problem people - you are the problem. If people around you are light, positive, peaceful and not sloppy, who know how to negotiate, it’s natural for you to behave the same way, in their style.
And how do you define your friends list?
"I do not define: I’m friends with those with whom I’m friends. Friends do not choose! "- the answer is one. This person lives by the past.
"Friends are different. I change, and the people around me change. Warms, supports - friend. Does not let me wither, kicks me forward - a real friend. And if a friend’s interests only drink a heartfelt drink and complain about life, let him be friends with someone else! "- Another answer. Here, thoughts about the future are possible.
Friendship and thinking about the future
Proper friendship is a time-tested friendship. Once you became friends, how you found each other, and since then meeting after meeting, year after year you support each other, help a friend, rejoice for each other, seeing how quickly and beautifully thanks to this friendship you grow.
Prospective friendship - these relations are not yet, but they are possible. There is a beautiful phrase: "Who is a stranger? This is your friend who does not know about it yet. " Make friends is not a problem, the most important thing is that you feel - in friendship with this person there is a sense! This person likes you humanly, it also seems to be located to you, but the most important thing is that every your meeting turns out to be really interesting and productive: for you and for him.
Who is a stranger? This is your friend who does not know about it.
When I began to conduct business trainings, in my immediate environment there were many rich - and very rich - people. I looked with interest at them, what they are? Different: business and enthusiastic, determined and cautious, but curious that most of them appreciate friendship very much. Dmitry from Vladivostok can easily fly to Alexandra for the evening in Kiev - not on business, they have different businesses, simply because they are friends. Why, if they both value their time very much? E, in business there are two very expensive things, called: "Energy" and "Ideas". With these things, businessmen can generously recharge each other if they are friends.
We were pleased with the meeting, refreshed pleasant memories, charged with each other with energy, we threw fresh ideas together - ho, now again we want to do a cheerful business, and if a person with a good head has energy, he easily converts it into successful projects!
A quality friend is a valuable investment!
But the extra friendship is sadder.
I’m 21, I know my friend from the age of 6, that is 15 years, that is 75% of my life ... But today I do not have anything to say to him. So what?! How can I approach him and say: "Once we were friends and smoked behind sheds, and now you do not fit me, good-bye!" I really think that it will make it easier and more comfortable for me to live, but it’s hard for him ... no, it’s also better. All that does not kill, makes us stronger ...
Once this girlfriend was interesting to you and you had a lot in common, but then you developed, and she understood with boyfriends and watched TV shows. She still calls you, once just rattles, complains and cries more often, you try to tell her something, but you understand that she does not hear you. It just pours on you what they do not want to listen to others already. Interrupting the relationship with her is painful, but she does not build her future, and this relationship does not work for your future anyway ...
• Do you need this?
Who are my friends?
Describe your friends by looking at them objectively, looking from the outside.
Who are they: empty dreamers, middle peasants, losers, alcoholics? Successful leaders and businessmen, amazing figures of art, strong-willed athletes, wonderful (future) specialists, wise mothers, talented children?
What do you need to change in yourself, to attract more worthy and interesting people to you?
Quote from the forum:
"Friendship is what I am myself. It’s true. If I’m a whiner and a barbarian, I’m surrounded by other whiners and barbarians. Cheerful and businesslike with me - boring and viscous. If you look around and consider your friends, you can make a portrait of yourself. You can be horrified and try to solve someone resolutely. And you can, horrified, try to eliminate in yourself that which feeds "superfluous" friendship. And friendship dies by itself: without too much pathos, without bloody fountains from under the scalpel and pain for both sides. "
Why am I friends with these people?
In this issue, in fact, there are two sides: why is this necessary for me personally and why does it need those with whom I’m friends? In any case, take care to answer as concretely as possible: if you met last week and talked for 40 minutes, what was the "dry balance" of the meeting?
What was discussed, what did you agree on? What were the requests from the side, how important are they, were they really useful? What were your inquiries and questions, to what questions did you receive clear answers, so that the important changes in your life after this meeting?
- Mom, you do not understand anything, we do not have anything with Boris.
- And what do I understand if he only looks at you? I’m afraid for you, you’re so naive ...
- I’m naive? And who told me this, how did she leave with a young man with one purse? Not you?
- Then the times were different.
(Dad) - Have you been chatting all this time? Look at the clock, it’s time for us to leave, but things are not collected. They talk, talk, it hurts your head ...
- And what about your daughter, do not talk, you’re bored! ...
When people close, native people communicate like this, there is no question about the content of communication and the "dry residue" of the meeting. Actually there is no more sense in such a conversation than in exchanging jokes between friends or warm embraces without words.
But in fact - and not less ... Life without these heartfelt fights is cold, and the native house should meet us warmly.
In a good family and between friends, such conversations occur between cases. Next to the case. That is, things are going on, everyone is busy and in work, and friendly communication is a background, just as the background can sound music on the radio, burn the light, warm the battery.
When, at the entrance to the battery hour after hour, people who are not completely frozen are sitting, smoking and jokes are being jabbed, this can also be called friendship. Can. But I would call it idleness.
How much does it cost me?
We went to the store together with Julia, chose her boots. - 4 hours.
Verunchik called, complained to my mother. - 30 minutes.
My mother called, complained of health, told about her neighbors in the country. - 20 minutes.
We drove the company to the dacha - well, the day went by ...
But why all this count?
If you have a lot of unoccupied time, then for you, friendship does not cost anything. It is rather a joy that fills your empty time. If you have a lot of cases and projects, if your life is busy and painted, then every meeting "to make friends" really eats your minutes and hours.
If this is accompanied by additional expenditure of time and effort, when you help a friend out of his next adventure, or should arrange for his child to go to the Institute where you have contacts, such friendship may be too expensive for you.
In any case, write down specific figures: how much time you put on this or that friendship (in hours).
• Meeting with classmates at home school two hours a year is one, two hours of chatter on the phone every day - quite another.
How does this work for the purpose of my life?
You already have your goals for a year, three and five years. Your goals are recorded. Look, in what column, for what purpose and purpose does friendship with this person fit? And with this? If it does not fit any of the goals, you have at least two options: either to formulate it as an independent goal: "to continue to be friends with N in the volume and with the periodicity that N is needed," or revise the need for this friendship.
• Perhaps, at least change its nature: continue to meet nice, but not in the bar, but in the gym.
Are there more effective solutions?
Who do you choose with your heart and soul for your friend’s high position? - think. From the point of view of the future, any friendship is an investment of time and energy, investing oneself and one’s life in a project called "Friendship." And how optimal are those or other investments, one can speak only in comparison with other possibilities.
Your old friend is reliable, but conflict, boring and understands little in your new hobbies. Continue or gradually close the relationship with him, reorienting himself to new contacts? It depends only on what kind of "new contacts" it is. Noisy, interesting, pull in their company, but in the company like to drink? If so, you do not need it. Clever, athletic, pull you into new projects, although in them you need to strain? Probably, these are more suitable for you friends.
Think. Under the New Year, when you make a list of friends to send them funny greeting cards, ask yourself this difficult but extremely important question: who of these my friends is the bridge to my future? The solution can be different: with someone, you will understand, it is very promising to build relationships, with someone to maintain at a minimum level, and some relations to transfer to another regime and another channel.
The fact that you have had a relationship with someone before does not mean anything. It was simple - it was. Imagine that you are starting your life from scratch: what kind of people do you want to take into your future?
How to stop unnecessary friendship?
I will gladly share a wonderful device that will honestly and naturally stop your relationship with those who are far from you - or will establish relationships with those who are still dear to you.
So, his name is Sergey. You are friends for a long time, but the last year, when he tells about the freaks from the car service and Masha, who already got it, these topics do not inspire you anymore. I do not want to call myself anymore. But friendship is a pity, and Sergei is actually a wonderful guy.
Do not avoid communication with him. On the contrary, it is necessary to get close to him again and start communicating as tightly as possible. They called, met and did not wait for his stories, they seized the initiative. Your topics:
With whom he is friends,
His life prospects: how does he see his work in a year, three and five, whether he plans to study and in which direction to move,
Beer and let’s run in the morning, as well as smoking and health in general. What Sergei is going to do with all this, what are his decisions.
This difficult conversation (less than an hour usually does not happen) is best combined with an evening walk. Sergey will leave puzzled, loaded, most of all this conversation will make an impression on you: everything you said to Sergei, you said to yourself.
• Exercises the next week will do more energetic than usual.
Next week, when you meet with Sergei again, your task is to rejoice over him and seriously and persistently ask about his successes. He will leave the topic (necessarily), justify himself and accuse someone, but it’s up to you to continue the topic with holy faith in a just cause and teach him the new right life.
Ways out here can only be two: or Sergei will run away from you himself, or become someone with whom you are happy to be happy.
My plans for my life
Victor, or the History of a stuck life
A worthy young man Victor set himself serious goals: to finish the institute with a red diploma, to find a decent job and create a family where he will have a beloved woman and wonderful lovely children.
Uh-huh. What he does with this:
Does not figure out whether someone will need his red diploma,
Is engaged in small part-time work leading to nowhere,
Sits at home, reads smart books and writes with sighs a red diploma.
With sighs - because Victor wants to get acquainted with the girls, but it’s dumb. You can, of course, teach yourself this: Well, it’s easy to communicate with someone, meet and learn to care for, train to tell interesting stories in companies - but it’s somehow incomprehensible and difficult.
• At least harder than sigh at home.
Yes. In general, Victor is very busy. He, for example, must certainly defend his views on the foundations of the universe before an elderly neighbor who accuses him of being an unbeliever, which is not fair, so we must still deal with the issues of faith and learn any theses that he will then be able to defend .
• Is not it really necessary for him?
... As I understand it, if you throw aside empty words, the real goal of Victor is to somehow get in the way of life, especially not bothering yourself.
Now, the next few years - to dream.
• Including talking about their serious plans for life.
Later, when dreams are blown away - to suffer: it is still easier than something really to do,
• And to talk about what he did something and continues to do wrong.
And then get tired of life and generally stop thinking. Become like people.
• You can continue talking. To talk without thinking is even easier.
Well, it’s nice, and soon the life has passed.
There is, of course, another way of life, and Victor actually knows him. Write down your goals: on health, on money, on women, on working projects - and deal with these matters. Every day to put small real tasks, put priorities every time and do what you should: things are important, not emptiness. Every day is a step forward. And soon the tasks one after another will be fulfilled.
Yes, but ... Somehow this way is too simple. Not deep. Victor has doubts. It is necessary once again to think and weigh everything. And it’s good to understand myself: why am I doing every day not what I want?
• All: as soon as you begin to deal with your problems, you are stuck.
Problems you do not have
"Problem" and «Task» - these are not two different things, but two different descriptions of the same, the same life circumstances. "Purpose" and "tasks" - the formulations are vigorous, looking forward, aimed at the result. Formulating something as a "problem", we draw something dark, heavy and formless, tightly connected with the past. The problem is a viscous and turbid forest swamp.
Many problems are not for those who have a responsible and difficult life, but for those who are not used to setting tasks. Two people can be in exactly the same circumstances, but only looking at their faces, the expression of their faces and eyes, you can absolutely confidently say which of them formulate their situation in terms of problems, and who in the format of tasks.
Two girls sat next to each other.
Says the first: "You know, I have such a difficult problem, as soon as I need to speak before people, I immediately get lost, blush and start talking some nonsense! It’s so awful! "- and unhappy expressive eyes with the hope of salvation. This girl has a problem.
The second question is asked: "Nikolai Ivanovich, I will work at the exhibition, there it is necessary to speak in front of the audience. I need more confidence - what kind of exercises will you recommend to me? "- This girl does not have a problem. There is interest, cheerfulness, willingness to work.
Objectively, the situation is one, the description (and the experience of it) is fundamentally different.
What do you like more?
The negative goal
If you have something that you call a problem, take the first step: formulate it as a goal. At least - a negative goal.
It’s simple: «I’m lazy" - "I want to get rid of laziness." "I find it hard to get rid of smoking!" - "I want to quit smoking".
The second step: formulate a positive goal.
It’s harder. The negative goal to put simply: "I do not want that that is!". Yes, what do you want? If you feel bad in the city, you can go to the railway ticket office and ask: "Please, one ticket from Moscow!" Okay, but you will be asked: "From Moscow, but where? In what city? "And then people usually think.
When you said "I want to get rid of laziness," you have not yet said the most important thing: what do you want? Do you want to become energetic, vigorous, who finds it difficult to sit still, which is easier to do at least something than not doing anything? Or do you want to become single-minded, focused on the result, who knows how to take steps forward, despite the once fatigue and inner "do not want"? What would you like?
This book is about how to combine joy, meaning and effectiveness in life.
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