Working with beliefs in A. Ellis’s cognitive-behavioral approach is in large part the conviction of clients that no one owes them anything, did not promise, and there is no one to take offense at. "Why did the world take my son away from me?" - "And where did you get that your son will always be near you?" - But this is not fair?"- "And who promised you that the world is just? "- such dialogues are reproduced from time to time, changing only their content.
Irrational beliefs are often formed already in childhood and manifest inadequate demands for oneself, others and the surrounding the world, often based on narcissism or a complex of greatness. Ellis (Ellis and Harper, 1979) describes these beliefs in the form of three basic "Must": "I must: (do well in business, get the approval of others, etc.)","You must: (it’s good for me to treat, love me, etc .)"," The world should: (give me quickly and easily what I want, be fair to me, etc.)
When the defense took place, when your soul is safe, we turn to another situation where it is already wrong to remain in defense: it is time to go forward, to seek opportunities to become strong, to make the world more beautiful and kinder. So,
The Declaration of acceptance of reality
The world is not fair and has never made a commitment to be fair. No matter how decent I live, at any second I can lose everything that is dear to me. The world is so arranged: he does not care about me personally. Yes, but I can take care of the world. If I am fair, justice will appear in my environment, and I will take care that it gets bigger every day.
The world is not kind and has never promised me happiness. I can suddenly become seriously ill, become disabled, stand before a near death - this is natural. I may not have my children, I can suddenly lose children, and, no matter how much I earn, at any moment life can take it from me. The world can take everything from me. Yes, but I’m grateful to the world that I was born into this world and that I was given so much here ... And if I make someone happy, help someone, I at least for someone will make this world better. For me, happiness, when I can give this world beauty and joy.
I know that I make mistakes, for which I myself, and people who are dear to me, pay. I am imperfect and I will never be in time to become full. Normally, it’s not scary! If I do not worry about my imperfection, but learn and grow smart, I will be less harmed and more useful. Work!
I know that people often turn out to be selfish, aggressive, stupid, not educated, lazy, dishonest, ungrateful, etc., and I choose to take it for granted, as I take winter and cold, spring and dirt. They are. If I do not like it, I can make my life worthy for a start.
I will take into account the inner understanding that everyone, including a person close to me, can lie to me or break the word given to me, can do me harm, including intentionally - he is just a man with his weaknesses, stupidities and sometimes desire to take revenge. As I. Education in people of decency is a great task, and it is best to start with yourself.
I will delete the word "betrayal" from the inner vocabulary. I will accept the fact that people have different views, plans, and they do not always consider it necessary to take care of me. The one who will leave me in trouble will be for me a person who looks at everything differently, and I will deal with myself in order to learn better to understand people.
I will accept that close and loved people can live without a head, distort their lives, including falsely distorting and doing irreparable nonsense: no one promised me that people close to me will only make me happy. If it matters to me, I’ll take the job to please my relatives - myself!
I’m not promised that in this world someone will love me. My parents loved me not as much as I wanted, but as much as they could and they wanted. Those who love and support me do this usually because I need them. There is little love in the world, but I can do it more. I can be necessary to those who are dear to me, I can love my children and loved ones and bring to the world at least a drop of good.
From my experiences and frustrations, the world will not become another, it does not care about me. The world is indifferent to me. If I die, the world will not notice it. So, I will not upset myself, I need concentration and energy to do a lot in this world. I’ll be happy: it’s easier to act!
I will never complain, I will teach myself and make a wonderful life - step by step. If I establish a good relationship, I will move the world in a good way even for a bit. If I educate someone, there will be more decent and well-educated people in the world. I undertake to raise healthy and intelligent children who will consider themselves as obligated to take care of people, to grow up healthy and intelligent children who will also want healthy and intelligent children.
I will be strong to do more in this world. This world is my workshop, and, no matter what I do, the amount of good in the world should increase. Work!
Lord, give me the peace of mind to accept what I can not change,
give me the courage to change what I can change,
and give me the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.
Verses by Agnes Boyagiou. She is also Mother Teresa:
People are unreasonable, Illogical and self-centered. Nevertheless, love them.
If you do good, people will blame you for hidden motives. Nevertheless, do good.
If success comes to you, you will have false friends and true enemies. Nevertheless, let success come to you.
The good you are doing will be forgotten tomorrow. Nevertheless, do good.
The fact that you built the years, can be destroyed in one night. Nevertheless, build.
People really need help, but those you help can attack you. Nevertheless, help people.
Give the world the best that you have.