Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Persuasion is a waste of time

Фильм "Испанский-английский"

Воспитанный ребенок скандалить не может, но если очень хочется - можно настойчиво поуговаривать. Молимся боженьке, но мама-то все слышит!
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Фильм "Барышня-крестьянка"

Я хочу попросить у вас прощения, пожалуйста!
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Фильм "Крутая Джорджия"

На тех, кто хочет поскандалить, уговаривание не действует.
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Фильм "Аббатство Даунтон"

На мужчин с принципами уговаривание не действует.
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We with Marina, my wife, go to the park, and there is a stall from the church in which they sell all kinds of buns, etc. Tea is good, and while we drink it, mothers with children come up every minute and want to feed their child. I watch it. Have you seen how this happens? In 9 cases out of 10, all mothers with children 4-8 years of age have the same scenario.

The same. Check, please!

Mom comes to the stall with an alarming look, examines the window, at which time the child lazily looks anywhere. Now mother turns to the child with care and asks interestedly: "Will you eat this bun? It’s tasty, with jam!". The child looks past his mother.

Or, without saying anything, turns to the store window and shows his mother something else that he wants.

Or just shakes his head: "I do not want to!".

Anyway, he does not want what his mother wants from him, and his mother starts dancing around him and leading dances. Begins persuasion: "Eat, please!".

This is necessary for the mother, and the child does not need this or nothing at all...

This happens from the age of 3 years. I watch how each mother, torturing herself, skillfully makes her unhappy capricious victim from her child. Verily, "feeding the poor child" is a great family drama!

Lovely women! Do not you see how you spoil the children?

STOP CONTRADICTING. THIS DOES NOT WORK!


Persuasion - a soft but persistent impact, where there is an appeal to good feelings. For peaceful and civilized people, coercion works, although if it repeats, it provokes protest as manipulative behavior. On those who want to quarrel, persuasion does not work, on the contrary - as a manifestation of weakness and the connection of emotions, only promote a scandal.

Women either because of upbringing, or because of their biological characteristics in problematic situations with children (you need to bed, you need to get out of bed, it's time to stop playing computer games, and so on), practice only persuasion and to the last avoid formulating a clear and precise demand. Even if she dictates the text of the demand, only unfortunate eyes can be seen in response, after which the refusal follows: "No, I can not say that!". . Somehow in the company of young mothers, I asked to play a situation when my daughter does not get up in the morning, and specifically asked me to talk to her more rigidly, demandingly ... Here is a recording of a conversation where one mother played a daughter, and another raised her:

- How difficult it is in the morning to wake up, how hard it is! Well, sleep would be even at least 10 minutes!

- Lena, the rise!

- Well, 5 more minutes! Let's count to five and I'll get up.

- Climb! The hand rises, the leg rises.

- It's so cool ... No leg, I'm already cold ... I'm going to hide once more, and then I'll get up.

- Climb!

"It's very cool." I will hide again and then get up.

- Lena, get up! I'm leaving, I do not want to listen. Let's get up quickly.

"There are still a few minutes."

- No time.

- "I'll count to ten, then I'll get up."

Here I interrupted this bickering: this style of conversation was ineffective, could go on indefinitely, did not give a result. Mom seems to be trying to talk roughly, played almost a man, but still in the voice were heard persuasions and persuasions. I offered my option, without persuasion. It sounded like this:

- Lena, you yourself will get up, or shall I help you?

- No, I will assemble myself.

- So, I count to three, and then I'll help. It's just time to get up. One...

That's all, the question was decided, Lena will rise. But if she thinks that everything and everything is cheap for her, then she is mistaken. In fact, the conversation will continue... What about? Yes, about the fact that Lena did not rise herself and even resisted the demands of her parents. Therefore, in the evening there will be another conversation - this:

- Lena, tell us, what did we have today with getting up?

- I had a very good dream. Such a bright, beautiful...

– I'm not asking you about this. You yourself did not get up, and I had to use violence directly to my beloved daughter.

– It's very, very cold.

- "I understand correctly that you are offering me to continue raising you so, and I will decide this question for you?"

– It's hard for me to say yet. But probably yes, it is necessary.

- Have to. Is that what you decided for me? And you're helpless. You really decided that you're helpless and decided to rely on Papa's decision due to this feature? Daughter, you're smart, do you really need this?

- Yes, I'm smart.

- Clever. Then you have 5 minutes to consult your mother, what to do, so that you get up yourself, or in 5 minutes I will tell you about your future destiny...

Instead of persuasion, use compelling requests. And if the requests do not work where the person is obliged to hear you, go to the forceful methods of resolving the issue.

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