Initially, the two main goals of manipulative crying are to attract attention to yourself or to get something from you (give, buy, resolve ...) Later, when a child builds relationships with parents, the causes of manipulative crying become like any erroneous behavior: avoiding failure, attracting attention, fighting for power and revenge. See →
Externally manipulative crying can sound very diverse. As a means of pressure, manipulative crying can be an addressable power cry, addressable unfortunate tears of fuel charges (play for pity) and unhampered tantrums for self-destruction ...
What are the prerequisites for manipulative crying, why do children begin to practice it?
There are children who are born inclined to manipulative crying (children-manipulators), but more often children are accustomed to such crying, if the parents create conditions for this, especially if such a situation provokes. When do children begin to manipulate their parents? There are two main reasons: unacceptable parental weakness, when parents do not stand up to the test firmly (either they can be defeated by using inconsistency of their positions) or excessive parental rigidity without flexibility: they can not agree with the parents in a good way, they are not located to it, then even normal children more often than usual try to use the power decision, pressure on parents the crying.
Often, the cause of manipulative crying is called lack of parental attention and love, but perhaps it is more of a myth ... See →
How to distinguish the manipulation crying from an honest request, when the child wants so that he can even cry? Just as we distinguish the intonation of the request from the intonation of the demand. In the request, even in the crying request, the child does not press or insist. He drew your attention, said that he wanted from you, okay, he whimpered once or twice, or even cried for his sorrow - but the child knows that the main thing in this matter is not he, but parents. If a child does not go to "honest talks" and presses on his parents until he gets what he wants, this is a manipulative cry.
How to distinguish manipulative crying from honest crying, when the child is really bad and hurt? These two types of crying are harder to distinguish, but also possible. If a child usually does not cry without serious reasons, but now he has hit hard and crying, although he does not benefit from it - apparently, it s an honest cry. If the child traditionally and immediately begins to yell in tears, when he did not like something and he needs something - apparently, this crying is manipulative. Nevertheless, there are apparently no clear boundaries between these two types of crying: it is typical enough that crying begins as quite fair, but continues (or unwinds) already as a manipulative ↑.
Determining what kind of crying it is, it is useful to take into account the peculiarities of male and female perception: men are more inclined to perceive any crying as manipulative, women as natural, honest. If there is a conflict of visions, then the life of a woman is more likely to happen in life: simply because ordinary men are less likely to engage in children, and if a man is tired and irritated, then any crying seems special to him. On the other hand, if the pope is also engaged in the child, then the pope is more likely, as men usually have a more objective view of the situation.
How to respond to the manipulation of crying?
The manipulation of crying should be reacted as to the usual erroneous behavior. Your basic rules: calmness, firmness, format and positive instructions. See →