Автор: Н.И. Козлов

How to raise self-esteem

A healthy person walks without stumbling, and if accidentally stumbled - quickly recovered. A spiritually healthy person lives with high self-esteem, and if suddenly his self-esteem has fallen - this is an accident, he can quickly fix it. Someone has been taught this by parents, and I’ve taught many at the University practical psychology.

For some people, self-esteem is always on the level, for them articles on how to raise self-esteem are not relevant. What kind of people are they? They are distinguished from all the others by only two circumstances: real life success and a bodily corset of success.

First: real life success. You live successfully, you live with dignity, you are valued at work, respected by friends. Create and strengthen your life base (a cozy apartment, your favorite dacha and the machine is very helpful), improve your skills, become a respected professional, live as a decent person, create a strong and happy family, make friends with decent people... In general, it’s better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick, and freedom is better than not being free.

Second: the bodily corset of success. Military and athletes rarely suffer from the problem of low self-esteem - why? Because they were given a good posture, because they were taught to walk confidently, keep your head straight and look forward, and not into yourself. Want to take care of yourself - master this skill, it’s worth a lot.

However, there is one more category of people whose self-esteem falls more often than all others, which can fall into self-abasement even against the background of real life success and a completely athletic body.

She is told that she does a great job. She is told that she has a luxurious figure. But for some reason she does not believe anyone. Is the situation familiar? And how! And certainly was observed on some friends and relatives ... or even in the mirror. And sometimes you hear "well, who will love me like this?", "Well, why did I take this case, I’ll pile up the first project" ... Underestimated self-esteem is a typical female characteristic. And the funniest thing is that most often it has no good reason.

Do you have an assumption what distinguishes the owners of low self-esteem from all the others? Answer: the habit of playing helplessness and falling into the state of Sacrifice. Sometimes it’s a game coming from childhood: when I picture my mother that I do not get anything done, and I’m so upset, my mother will always pity me - so sweet! The child plays helplessness, his mother pities - they got an adult who is inclined to suddenly fall into a syndrome of low self-esteem: "Everything is bad for me, I’m nobody, I can not do anything." To this, the standard of women’s gender also encourages: men like (supposedly) helpless women, they like to feel their superiority, and women adopt this behavior: "Oh, I can not manage without you ..." She gets the men’s attention, but at the same time and a problematic appendage - a habit of feeling helpless.

A very difficult case - if the position of the Victim is superimposed on an underestimated self-esteem, then the person begins to suffer seriously and already creates problems for others.

What is there to do, if seriously? Except for cases of obvious depression, psychotherapy is inappropriate here: there is nothing to treat here, it is necessary to put brains in place.

• If you are going to do it yourself, see how to clean up the Victim position and master the position of the Author. Carefully read the Dictionary of the Sacrifice and do not say that again. Remove the excuses and master the exercise "Errors!".

• Begin to rebuild yourself to the positive: respond to others well, learn to say compliments and start talking. It’s really curious: when you speak well not about yourself, but about other people, your self-esteem will rise! Next - master the exercise "Good", this will change your whole life for the rest of your life.

• Start watching your speech, do not speak ill of yourself, even as a joke. Say "mistake, I’m good!" - fun, but "Oh, what a fool I am!" - just bad. Jokes are jokes, but if you constantly call yourself a pig, sooner or later you’ll grunt!

• If relevant, work with your uncertainty, fill yourself with a sense of confidence - it happens very handy. It is again useful to work with speech, remove the phrase "What if it does not work out?", "Well, it just will not work ..." and other markers of future failure. By the way, to work independently - well, to go to a good training of confidence - even better. This tool is almost unmistakable and helps for a long time. Will do it - in a month your general condition will start to improve. It’s really easy, and the results do come to all. Set this task - you will get the result.

Nevertheless, be prepared: at the most correct internal mood once people have situational failures. Virtually every person from time to time, albeit briefly, dropping his hands, creates the feeling that "nothing happens", and this state beats by self-esteem. This is situational, everything will soon recover, but how to fix it faster? What to do? If a colleague or a close person has got into this state, it’s enough to distract him, to support him once, and even better, if possible, to involve in a new business or another situation where success is quite possible.

And if this happens to you, can you help yourself? Oh sure. Such opportunities as the use of signs of superiority and humiliation of others (bragging, ridicule, accusations, criticism), we will not recommend: at least in the long run this will bring you only additional problems. In fact, there are many simple, reasonable and quite worthy ways to increase self-esteem, we list only those that lie on the surface.

• Maybe it’s for you to do what you can do cool: for example, quickly make a delicious breakfast, beautifully set the table, eat with pleasure, remove from the table and wash the dishes and praise yourself. All right, wow!

• Almost unmistakably changes the mood of the opportunity to do a good deed: call your parents, they will be pleased!

• It is always pleasant to talk with those who know you and love, who sincerely perform the role of the Golden Mirror, following the mood, self-esteem will also increase.

• The traditional way - to remind yourself of your successes, this is greatly facilitated by the Notebook of success. Have you already got it? If not, sit down and start writing. If you have already started, open it and start reading it. After 5 minutes your mood will magically change into a bright and happy side. You’ll like it!

• Write your strengths, which characterize you from the best side. You can start with "I’m very good at ..." (list ten points), then continue with your good character traits (five points.) If you write down your bad features - write and then cross it with pleasure!) And complete with your lucky moments appearance (pretty figure? pleasant manners?).

• Further. At the beginning of the 20th century, almost half of Europe repeated, like magic mantras, formulas of auto-suggestion from the French pharmacist Emile Kue: "My business is getting better and better in every respect!" - Excellent helped to increase self-esteem! If you are so lazy to talk so long, say briefly: "I’m good!", This is the first step. And now do everything as follows: stand in front of the mirror, straighten your shoulders, smile and loudly say the full formula to yourself! Once again! And two more times! Then - continue to mumble these formulas already in a whisper or to yourself, doing any other business - but with the same contented and cheerful intonation. Check, these formulas help and after centuries!

• And now, if you already feel the strength, use the most powerful tool: start behaving cheerfully and confidently. Do it the way actors or actresses play their part, turn on cheerfulness and hold it for at least five minutes. Most likely, you will like it, and you will continue this game in joy all day long.

If you make at least three points from these seven, you will surely correct your mood. If you do and it helps - write about it below, in the comments! If not - write too, then we will manage it. In fact, there is a plenty of ways how to raise your self-esteem. If there is a desire to practice something else, to search for the one that will best help you, you will receive two useful articles: "Mood boosters" and "7 simple ways: how quickly to raise self-esteem." Or go to the University of Practical Psychology, where you can guarantee to work out several dozen of the most effective exercises. Good luck to you! Pleasure!

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