У него задача уехать отсюда. Куда - всё равно!
Позитивная формулировка цели.
Those who are just starting to work on themselves often set themselves tasks, formulating them negatively: "I do not have to say no," "I do not want to be in the stream of time," "I do not want to be sick, therefore ...", etc., principle: "What I do not want." "I want to get rid of laziness!", "I want to quit smoking!" - examples of negative goal setting. Negative setting of the goal - the formulation of what a person does not want, one that a person wants to get rid of. How to relate to this?
For beginners – it's good, but for smart and advanced – it's bad.
Why? First: why is it good?
In comparison with a life-inactive state, the formulation of at least a negative goal is already a serious step forward. This is at least some, but - the intention.
The girl is lazy and smokes – it's bad. The girl realized this as her own problem and began to think and experience on this topic - in principle, this is a step forward. But only when she formulated her intention: "I want to stop smoking and stop being lazy!" - it really can move from a dead center. See →
And now - why is it BAD? If you say that you do not want to, you have not determined what you need. And you can act effectively only when you clearly understand what you want.
If you feel bad in the city, you can go to the railway ticket office and ask: "Please, one ticket from Moscow!" Okay, but you will be asked: "From Moscow, but where? In what city? "They will give you a ticket, but where? Where are you going?
Set positive goals! Positive formulation of the goal - formulation through the statement, not denial. The wording of the goal should say what you want, and not what does not suit you.
"I want to quit smoking" is a negative formulation of the goal. And why do you want to quit smoking? What do you want in positive? One of the successful positive formulations: "I want to improve my health and rebuild myself for a healthy lifestyle." While you say to yourself "I want to quit smoking," you have the words "I want to ... smoke" in my mind and see (hateful) cigarette. If you set a positive goal, you have "health" and "life" ahead of you.
When you said "I want to get rid of laziness," you have not yet said the most important thing: what do you want? Do you want to become energetic, vigorous, who finds it difficult to sit still, which is easier to do at least something than not doing anything? Or do you want to become single-minded, focused on the result, who knows how to take steps forward, despite the once fatigue and inner "do not want"? What would you like?
There is a good clue here. Ask yourself: "Why do I want this?" Why, for what purpose do I want, for example, "get rid of laziness"? That to me there were no complaints? To not be kicked from work? In order not to torment yourself? So that my life becomes bustling, as before? To make more in life?
"I want to get rid of a feeling of envy" – it’s clear only that you do not like, and not what you really need, and with this formulation to an intuitive implied goal you will hardly reach. But the goal of "Learning to rejoice in others' successes" is much more meaningful.
"I want to lose weight, not because I hate when I m fat, but because I love it when I'm slim!"
It is always more productive to formulate your tasks in the affirmative, through "I want", seeing a positive result. Instead of "I do not want to slouch and do not have a gloomy expression," it’s better to formulate "I want to have a regal bearing and a radiant smile."
So, your test question: "My goals are formulated positively, through approval, not denial?" Remember the principle of positive in efficiency: "Do not fight against, create worthy", and get used to forming your goals in a positive way.
And now - two tips.
The first. When you learn to formulate your goals positively, very many admit a traditional mistake.
For example, here is the negative goal "How to stop worrying?" - It seems to be easy: "I want to be emotionally balanced person!". The wording is really positive, it sounds more positive. And the real content? Ask others what it means for them to be an emotionally balanced person? Hear: "This is the one who does not worry in vain." That is, in fact, the negative focus of the request - remained.
Likewise, if you use the phrase "I m very jealous" to replace "I want to learn to trust my wife," then think about what it means: "trust"? Trust - that is, "no doubt", "not afraid" - is entirely negative meaning. Again, ask how people decipher "I want to learn to trust my wife"? - As "In vain is not jealous" ...
Total: be careful three times and check each time whether you put a positive goal or only replace some words with others.
The second tip. It seems that the most understandable and clear tasks are put where you start talking not about feelings, but about actions.
Let’s say, "I want to get rid of self-doubt", you reformulated as "I want to become a confident person." And this is about: a sense of confidence or confident behavior? There is an observation that almost all the talk about "feelings" is just talking about negativity: about fears, about problems ... Therefore, I recommend trying to formulate more of your goals and tasks in the language of behavior. Avoid formulations related to feelings, more often use language related to a reasonable approach. At once everything will go simpler and more precise!
And, by the way, another thought, suddenly like ... And what will happen if you change the wording "I want" to "Put the task"? Try ... It seems that "setting a task", as a business format, immediately organizes thinking on a stronger and author's position. Experiment. If you find something interesting, write in the comments!
Negative customer requests
Out of the 10 letters that come with a request for consultation, 9 contain a negative request: "how to get rid, how to stop, how to stop, how not to pay attention..." Negative goal setting is a typical illness of our clients. And our task is to teach clients instead of talking about things that he does not like, what he wants to leave, what he wants to formulate, what he wants to come to.