A large number of parents gave birth, because "it happened", and now they bring up, because "wherever you go, it still yells", and "so that I have less trouble - I will have to train it." Most parents raise children so that they are less bored in life. They do not like children, they want less trouble themselves, they take care of themselves and this is not education, it’s protection from children.
However, it is not uncommon for parents to be decent people themselves, but they do not know how to raise children. If this is about you, if you do not know how to educate your children, if from your educational activities everyone just gets in a bad mood - leave this business, at least "bye." You do not need to educate your children, instead learn to live with them in friendship and cooperation. Most likely, in this case your child will grow up a decent person anyway, and you will save your nerves and others.
However, there are quite worthy parents who themselves refuse to educate their children, adhering to the ideology "I do not bring up my children, I live with them!". For example, the philosophy of one mother expressing the position of many mothers: "I am the mother of two children." To her 26-year-old I understood for certain: since childhood, the child has felt both physical and spiritual ) We are mums and dads - they are not given to him to "educate" him, sometimes children themselves (re-educate us) .We are for our children a mirror, a mirror of their feelings .To parents (or first of all parents ) is given to teach children to understand and express their feelings. And this is so important for the adult and the child - for To understand yourself, to know what you want, and ultimately - just for happiness! "
If parents believe in the positive start of their children, this approach often quite suits them. It should be noted that "Not to bring up children, but just to live with them, to live the soul of a child" is predominantly a female style of upbringing, but today many fathers adhere to this ideology.
The story of one father:
"They say that an adult does not have the need to play with a child, rather, yes, but I would not say for everyone: anything can happen, but every person, adult and child, feels the need for pleasure." If the child at the moment with me there is not, I choose from all possible options such an occupation from which I get more pleasure.It can also be enjoyed from lying on the couch.If the child is with me, I enjoy playing with him.Why not? already forgotten, and I, for example, do it about almost every day - I play with my son in a variety of games, we even come up with our own ones, and not because I can not "shake off" his neighbor Misha, so that my son plays "in the race" on the computer, and I would depend I just enjoy the process of playing with him, and if for some reason I do not want to play when my son wants it, I say to him: "You know, son, I do not want to play now." And what do you think he is hysterical about? No. He says: "I see, Dad." And for me it still means that he counts with me.
Why do not I try to teach my son something? Because I’m absolutely sure that he will learn everything. When he is with me, he will learn without any effort what I know. My task is reduced only to safety instruction. I just show him where sharp and cutting edges, where dangerous liquids, where dangerous voltage, etc. are. And that’s what I can let you call my goal. My goal is that everything that my son does or enjoys with my participation, was filled with light energy of pleasure and joy. I do not want to poison him and my life with the negative energy of coercion and submission, nervousness and stress when I achieve any "my" goal. As Eckhart Tolle wrote: "Let’s say you are a businessman and in two years of hassle, stress and intense efforts you finally managed to create a product or service that sells well and brings money. Is it a success? In the usual sense, yes. In reality, you spent two years contaminating negative energy with your body and earth, making yourself and others unhappy, and also hurt many other people that you have never met. The unconscious prerequisite for all such actions is that success is an event from the future, and that the end justifies the means. But the goal and the means are one and the same. And if the means are not a contribution to human happiness, then the goal is also not. The result, which can not be separated from the actions that led to it, is already contaminated with these actions, and therefore will continue to create suffering in the future. This is a karmic action, which is an unconscious fixation of the state of misfortune. "
I do not know HOW to educate - that’s why I do not bring up. In order not to be mistaken. In this sense, my son is not fully educated. In any case, on the part of the pope. And if so, then I have only to BE with him natural, honest, sparkling, not pretending and not deceiving. To arrive on time. Fulfill your promises. To laugh when funny. Do not laugh when it’s not funny (although many do just the opposite). To cry really, with tears, when there is an occasion. Sympathize with others. Laughing at yourself ... "
How to treat this approach? Sometimes it’s permissible and even wise, sometimes it’s weak and bad.This is exactly the four different options:
1. If the parents themselves live crooked and at the same time try (also crookedly ) educate their children, then the children have two troubles: such parents and the fact that they bring them up
2. If the parents live by themselves somehow and they are not up to the children, not before their upbringing, it happens in its own way not bad.Yes, they do not teach anything, but at least they do not interfere with life
3. If parents are sensible, live themselves light and beautiful, and educate de not by words and teachings, but by the example of one’s life, by their attitude to life and to people, they are wise and accurate parents, who care for their children.
4. However, if parents not only live lightly, cleverly and beautifully, but also feel confident themselves as educators, they know how to educate their children and they want to be responsible for the results of their upbringing, the ideology "I do not bring up my children, I live with them" does not suit them, it is not their growth, they can and should put more serious tasks.
Methods of education should be selected "under the growth" of parents ...