Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Should the child be obedient? Clever obedience

Фильм "Моя ужасная няня"

Ваши дети встают, когда им велят?
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Фильм "Звездочки на земле"

Этот ребенок не считает обязательным делать то, что говорит ему мама. Его мама в своих требованиях не всегда права, но это еще не причина маму полностью игнорировать. По крайней мере, с нею можно попробовать поговорить%3A это лучше, чем просто не слушаться.
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Фильм "Поллианна"

Некоторые взрослые говорят все правильно, но так, что уничтожают радость жизни. Мы не будем на них равняться?
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Фильм "Твои, мои и наши"

А тут - дисциплина армейская, а жизнь бодра и весела.
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If you and your child do only what pleases him, just play with him and go with him to the cinema, you never know if he listens to you or not. Obedience manifests itself only in cases when a child is not interested in something, something does not feel like it - and you say that it is necessary to do this.

Obedience is the following of attitudes and fulfillment of tasks received from parents or other authoritative people.

Obedient child is a child managed, educated and controlled. The obedient child follows the instructions of the parents or persons who replace them, respects the will of the elders and seeks to act within the framework established by adults. To obey is to do what a significant person has asked or demanded.

What is an obedient child? These are very simple things: he told the child to wash his hands - he went and washed. They recalled that it was time to sit down for lessons - he stopped running and began to study. Asked to run to the store - he agreed with you the timing and ran to the store.

Is it necessary that your child is obedient?

To obedient children today the attitude is complex. Education obedience today is not in honor, because it is believed that the inculcation of obedience is the formation of a comfortable, controlled person without their own will. On the other hand, the exhausted mothers of disobedient children are ready for anything, just to somehow call the child to an elementary order.

Is it necessary that your child is obedient? - Yes, it is obligatory, although at different ages the measure of obedience can and should be different. The younger the child, the more important that he fulfills his parents’ demands without question; As the child grows increasingly, the child will be guided by his own decisions.

Why is it necessary for children to obey their parents? If the child does not obey the Elder, the Elders can not fulfill their duties: to ensure the safety, socialization and development of the child. The obedient child is a child trained and educated.

Ask yourself: do we want this?

However, obedience (managed, educated and supervised child) is not the goal of upbringing, but a means. For the sake of what do we want the child to become manageable, educated and controlled? So that he does not bother us? That he worked for us? To bring him from a free, developed, healthy person?

Obedience of children is only an instrument in the hands of parents. In the hands of crooked parents, obedient children will be a caricature of children, obedient children next to wise parents - a life’s success and joy for all.

Unfortunately, wise parents are always not enough, and parents who want to make their lives easier and raise children who do not interfere, which are "as it were" are enough. Apparently, for this reason, the education of children’s obedience is very cautious for many, and the strong desire of adults to make children obedient is often called hyper-social education.

At the same time, the widespread thesis "The obedient child does not exist independently" is not completely correct. Reasonable parents want the child to be both obedient and independent, and this is quite real.

Attentive, warm and cheerful, and most importantly qualified parents can quite achieve obedience from him, while maintaining contact with the child, developing his self-confidence and giving him a sense of joy of life. The obedient child of reasonable parents, growing up, becomes an adult, an independent and creative person.

How do you combine obedience (discipline) and the ability to think creatively and independently? Perfectly combined, if such a task was set. The order is the following: if the parents said - the child first of all must do it, and not discuss it. No sooner said than done. After that, if the child has questions or disagreement, he can and should discuss this with his parents so that there is maximum mutual understanding. We need not a blind, thoughtless obedience, but a person who understands everything himself, a person with developed rational thinking, able to weigh the pros and cons, capable of making reasonable decisions.

If you say to wash your hands, go wash your hands without talking. Washed - now it’s fine to discuss with parents, whether it is necessary to wash hands before meals, whether it is always necessary to wash and how thoroughly to wash them, and also where all this data and not prejudice it ... Children are smart and ask the right questions.

But life without joy is not quite life, and work from morning till night, if done with lean physiognomy and melancholy, turns into hard labor. And is it possible to combine the unconditional fulfillment of what is said by adults, with light childish joy? Yes, of course, this is always taken care of by wise adults and smart children. How? Turn on the game mode and do everything that is said, fun.

Children need to water the beds in the country? You can do this with a song, if the day is hot - you can pour on each other, you can investigate the question of the size of the watering can: it is better to run around with a small watering can, but fill it often, or take a large watering can, fill it seldom, but wear it heavy? The question is interesting!

Total, intelligent obedience for the child is done in three stages:

1. It is said - done. Future development of the will.

2. We do - we think. Future development of rational and critical thinking.

3. We do - we are happy! Preservation of a living children’s life and the joy of life.

To what age does it fit? At least up to ten or twelve years is the best option. Beginning with the adolescent period, if everything was fine before, and the children are already smart, unquestioning obedience is of little relevance. It is no longer necessary to command, it is normal to consult and discuss.

Instruct a child to listen and listen to you: train them consistently, from easy to difficult, beginning with the simplest things. The most reliable algorithm is "Seven Steps".

If the child disobeyed

Of course, our children do not always obey us. Once it happens by chance, sometimes - deliberately. How to react to this? See →

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