Автор: Н.И. Козлов

He must guess: the game of telepathy

​​​​​​​"He must guess," or playing telepathy is a common mistake (more often female) in building relationships. People do not talk about their own desires, but at the same time they naively believe that they are obvious, and if others do not realize them, it is because of harmfulness or bad attitude.

Girls are often confident that a loving person (her young man) should feel her so that she can guess what she wants, what is dear to her, which is unacceptable to her, and so on. Considering that a loving young man thinks so simply simply is not accustomed to - and does not know, the qualification is not necessary, such an attitude - or such a game - is a mine for the relations being built, engenders resentment and quarrels.

Perhaps you are waiting for your favorite romantic dinner in the restaurant: "ever since we began to live together, it’s happening less and less, but everything was so good at the beginning of the relationship." Time goes by, and your beloved does not lead anywhere. I want to get angry and offended, there are thoughts "stop loving," someone starts obsessively asking: "Do you still love me?", Someone is looking for an exposure "he does not love me anymore" (they do not wash the plate with him), reproaches and criticism begin...

Beloved, perhaps, begins to feel that he can be even to blame, but how can he guess in what exactly? After all, everyone has their own languages ​​of love, and if he even washed a plate for himself, he had not yet guessed your secret desire!

Moral: you want in the evening in a restaurant - tell your loved one about this direct text. It’s enough to hint to the very special ones, sometimes it helps to remember some especially romantic evening that began at the restaurant - one way or another, it’s your concern: to convey to your beloved what you want from him.

Therefore, get used to talking with each other, learn to talk with each other, acquaint the other with yourself and yourself - with him (with her). If you have serious relationships and recurring situations, be sure to discuss together the Family Treaty Questionnaire. If your relationship is just beginning or the question is not a model, the more you do not expect someone to guess your expectations. Begin in a soft form to tell about what is important, interesting and expensive, what are your features and preferences, so that a young man with you gradually gets acquainted and does not guess. I was not mistaken.

Clarification: this does not mean that the main content of your meetings should be that you talk about yourself and your desires - this type of communication attracts few people. You will be more attractive and interesting, if more often you will ask the young person about himself, about his interests and features. However, if suddenly there is a situation when something is not clear about him and he would like to understand you better, then do not make the game "blind man in the fog" and tell him what and how to do it correctly.

Case from counseling

I really need your help, I may be making a serious mistake in my life. Help me to understand.

We have been communicating with a young man for three months, during which time he became very close and dear to me. He says that I am for him, too. We live in different cities, but traveling allows us to meet on business trips, and we communicate on the Internet every day.

I have a character that when someone gets dear to me (I deliberately do not use the word "love" - ​​it’s such a responsibility!), I try to do something pleasant for this person all the time. Here and this time: he had a birthday, 25 years. Since I am in my city, and he is in my own place, and I can not give anything personally, I decided to give him a present in the form of a frank photo session. I know that he would like to have a similar photo of mine - he somehow mentioned this. I took pictures from a professional photographer, it cost me quite a lot of moral effort - you know, this photo shoot ... Archive with pictures was stolen so that no one else could look at it. As the password - the name of the song, which we listened together, he could only guess. Sent him, I’m waiting for a reply the day, the second. No answer.

On the second day I could not stand it, I asked him if he had received my congratulations. He said that yes, he got it, but he has a terrible blockage, "when this fucking February is already over," so I did not have time to look ... I was very offended. That same evening he asked me for the password. I replied that "now I will not tell you the password, if you guess - then you’ll see." He replied: "Well, ok" and did not write anything else.

In your "Book for those who like to live" it is said that "love shines with jewels thrown at it". And I do not want to give up anything anymore, because a person does not take, does not appreciate. I can not in another way: if I love a man, I will make him "precious" gifts. But if in response to silence - I will suffer very much, which I am now doing. I now want to "cure the disease" at the initial stage, simply deleting it from my life. Or maybe I’m wrong, and here are more of my problems, and if you truly love, you must give it anyway, regardless of anything? Help, please, I’m confused.

Answer

You are doing stupid things. A young man treats you well, but he is busy, and he is completely unaware of what you have strained for him. Well, he’s not a telepathist. And what do you do now? You sulk like a child, justifying it with high words about the principles of love. Once again: a young man is not a telepath, guessing about your dedication and your Gift with a capital letter - it’s difficult, it did not work, and now you punish him for what he did not guess.

There is an important rule in relations: "There was no agreement - there is no violation." There is no violation - no one is guilty. " You did not agree - then, no matter how hurt you are, the young man is not to blame. "To give, in spite of everything" is wrong: if a young man behaves ugly, unworthy, without respect for you - do not give him anything, look for a decent person. But this, then - why are you punishing?

What will happen next? Nothing interesting. He will be surprised at your silence, shrug his shoulders and throw out what happened: "How many cockroaches happen to the girls in my head!", But this situation does not work to strengthen your relationship.

Adult people do not do that. With girls who arrange such scenes from scratch, few want to communicate. If you love him and care for him, then do not give him unnecessary problems, he has enough of them and so. Better help: smile, the situation is beautifully torn, and more such gifts with podlyankami not arrange.

Perhaps, while you are not so dear to him, as you want. A wise woman does not like hysterics in this situation, but thinks how to become more attractive and interesting for him, accustoms him to her, invests her, becomes more and more dear to him every day. Are you ready to do this?

Learn patience, learn to understand another person.

Imagine that you love him and care for him: then stop thinking about your feelings and start thinking about him.

Learn to love!

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