Симба, ты глубоко разочаровал меня! Ты едва не погиб. Ты намеренно меня ослушался! И, к тому же, ты подверг риску Налу!
Of course, our children do not always listen to us. Once it happens by chance, sometimes - deliberately. How to react to this?
Do not work - heavy endless persuasion, impulsive accusations, swearing and unsystematic punishments. Also, the situation in the family is meaningless, where the parents pretend that they are being watched, and the children pretend to obey. It is utterly foolish to complain and get upset, play the Sacrifice and the Martyr.
It is more effective to create a response system, supplement it with unexpected improvisations. Alternate the reinforcement system with negotiation-discussions and prepared disassembly.
Simba disobeyed his father.
A fragment from the cartoon "The Lion King" is a good variant of the father’s conversation with his son, who disobeyed him. Type - prepared disassembly. Sequence of actions: Identification of the topic of conversation and your feelings. Injection of the situation. Sets the format for a serious conversation. Strict reprimand with love: the enumeration of mistakes and sins, but in this list, one hears concern for those whom we love. When (and if) the son acknowledged his guilt and mistakes (sincerely), the situation is mitigated and translated into instruction for the future. Switching to something warm and unifying.
Nelly will be in a hurry!
A girl of about four runs around the track, where athletes train on the boards. It’s dangerous, my mother screams to her: "Nelly, run to me" - Nelya continues to run where she’s having fun. Mom shouts: "Nell, run to me immediately!" - Nelly zero attention. My mother is already yelling: "Run here quickly, and then I’ll kill!", Nelly slowly began to move towards her mother. She ran, my mother tugged at her hand, scolded: "Why do not you listen to me?" - and they went together to buy ice cream ...
What did daughter learn? That the mother needs to obey, but not necessarily immediately. And even better, if not immediately, then my mother will scream, and it’s more fun ... Could Mom act differently? Yes, she could, and probably even had to act differently. It is not difficult.
In the beginning everything was the way Mother did - loud and confident shout: "Nell, come to me!" If you do not come up, you can loudly shout again, or you can run to your daughter to get her out of danger. The important thing is that after the mother and daughter are together, without any twitching of the hands, mother should sit in front of her daughter and, looking into her eyes, carefully and calmly ask: "Nell, tell me please, I called you - why did you not come to me at once? " - and wait for an answer. Wait for an answer. Perhaps Nell will not want to answer immediately, he will remain silent. Mom will ask the same question again, just looking calmly at the daughter in the eyes: "Tell me, why did not you come to me immediately when I called you?" Sooner or later, the daughter will say something, for example: "I was interested there!"
Obviously, she understands everything, but tries to play a fool. It should be said: "Yes, it was interesting, but what do you need to do if I called you seriously and loudly?" - "Approach ..." - "True, but immediately come up or in the beginning still run?" - "Immediately ..." - "Thank you, daughter, you already understand everything." In vain I do not call you, but if I call you, I need to run up to you immediately. With you, ask for forgiveness and promise that next time I will not have to you scream a few times, you come to me at once ... "- Everything, the situation is solved well.
If this happens again (it is quite possible), everything repeats as calmly, only adds: "Tell me, what should I do if the next time you suddenly fail to fulfill your promise?" - and the daughter together with her mother agree on some reasonable punishment. When my mother looks into the daughter’s eyes and waits for her to answer every question to her reasonably, everything really is being decided. Soon mom does not even need to scream, the daughter will run up right away, as soon as she asked about it.