A child may not yet be aware of himself as a person, and what he is - "good" or "bad" - he hears constantly from others. He begins to repeat this at first, and then choose what, when and why he should think of himself. This or that attitude to himself is usually actively reinforced by adults.
Seryozha ate a mush, Mom asks: "What kind of Seryozha do we have?" - "Seryozha is good!" - A satisfied child responds to my mother, and my mother supports this answer with a bright smile.
Serezha struck his sister, grandmother looks into his eyes and tells him: "You are wicked, you are a bad fighter, why do you hate your sister so much?" - Suggestion usually continues until the child depicts a guilty look.
An active child chooses a self-esteem that best solves his problems (this can be both overestimated and underestimated self-esteem), the self-esteem of the passive child is a direct reflection of the parent’s suggestions. Self-esteem is usually higher in the first and only children, as well as in children occupying a special position (for example, a son who was born after several daughters). The better the atmosphere in the family than the mother is calmer and more joyful, and the father is more authoritative and demanding, the higher the self-esteem of the child.
If the child grows under a hail of negative suggestions, hearing constant criticism, discontent and without feeling support, it is easy for him to learn the formula: "I am bad." "Stretch, sloven, liar, coward, stupid" - that’s far from a complete list of labels that program low self-esteem. If you praise the child - this is useful for self-esteem, but it is important to be able to praise properly. Self-evaluation of the child "I am good" is usually formed with a benevolent general assessment of the person and with an impartial and demanding analysis of the specific erroneous actions of the child.
With regard to classrooms, this is easy: it’s easy to see that today the bouquet turned out to be more beautiful than yesterday, or in the dictation of mistakes it’s not fifteen, but only ten. As for behavior or communication, there are fewer objective indicators here ... - but maybe this is just right for us? Praise you for something good that already in the child slowly appears: if the child as a whole is untidy, but now removed his own things (or toys), why not be surprised: "Wow, look how beautiful you have put everything back! Everything neatly laid out. I’ll kiss! " How to praise a child is a special science, but it is entirely within your power.
However, more often self-esteem is not a passive result of the suggestions of active adults to a passive child, but the choice of a child, through which he solves his problems. Play helplessness, portray Durik, resolve your fear and confusion - it’s not a tricky business for a creative child, and there are many benefits. Once the adults, believing the unfortunate eyes of a poor child, will simply fall behind, and once again they will do everything for him: they will tie the shoelaces and solve the problem.
There is no low self-esteem as such, there is a choice of position Victims and the habit of living in the position of Victim, and the so-called self-esteem is the product of the game of two parties - active child and active adults. And who will outplay who in this game ... If a child from infancy chose strongly, persuasively whining «I’m afraid" and "I can not", only a miracle and a super-educator will switch it to another program. On the other hand, if the child was born with confidence, with the program "I can!", It is difficult to find the conditions to break this program. "They fight us, but we’re getting stronger!" "Everything that does not kill us makes us stronger!"
Many parents are very worried about children’s self-esteem and do not insist when a child throws a difficult affair. It is not right. The worst thing you can do for a child’s self-esteem is to let him surrender. And on the other hand, the best way to raise self-esteem for a child is to do something that you previously thought you could not. See →