Для многих женщин ребенок - сверхценность, а мужчина - нечто спорное.
"I love you, darling, but today football, and football is more dear to me than you!"
"I love you, dear, but my child does not want us to meet, and I am writing you this farewell letter ..."
The value of loved ones and loved ones has always been influenced by local culture and accepted samples. So, in the medieval culture, the Lady of the Heart always stood above the wife. The real knight was happy to die so that the Lady of his heart waved him a handkerchief, while it was not necessary to love his wife. In the 70s in the Slavic culture the most common type of family was the child-centered, and the child for both parents was one of the highest values. Then for many mothers the child was more important than his father: "My child, my dear, and without a man you can manage." In Arab culture, no favorite can be above mom: "There is only one mother in life, and there can be many loved ones."
But whatever culture surrounds us, each of us has our own hierarchy of life values, and each love takes its place in this hierarchy. Any girl is interested in what place she takes in the heart of a young man: if the beer above, but below the mother - offensively. If higher than all other women, but after business - it is normal ...
On the radio Echo of Moscow a survey was conducted: how to choose between a man (husband, possible husband or loved one) and a pet, favorite cat or favorite dog. According to the results of the vote, if there is a need to choose, only 23% will prefer the person, and 77% will choose the animal, their pet ...
Asking questions about this is normal. First and foremost, it is important to ask these questions to yourself: how dear to me is this person, how expensive in the literal sense of the word? How much am I willing to pay for the opportunity to be with him, for the right to be his favorite (beloved), so that he is happy?
How this is raised in life, remarked MM. Zhvanetsky: "I took a taxi - it’s love. And we went by tram - no, it’s not love, it’s a hobby. "
But talking about worth, about willingness to pay is a conversation not about money, it’s about your hierarchy of values. To make this conversation more concrete, draw a vertical scale where you place the following values in life: ideas and principles, the work of your life, your favorite work, country, home, family and friends, children, then write separately the three most expensive things from your property and the amount of its capital. After that, answer, where is the place of the beloved among these values, above what and below what it is located.
First, answer the questions simply: are you ready to lose any of your dear things to your loved one with you? Are you ready to pay all these things for the opportunity to live with your loved one?
These are not theoretical, but very practical questions: when and if a loved one breaks your favorite vase or car, remember your today’s decision. Your broken Mercedes is a natural contribution for your right to kiss your beloved woman.
Now for the money: imagine, you liked the girl, you began to look after her, but suddenly it turns out that she likes not only you, and you are offered to not meet with this girl. You are not threatened, you are offered an amount. One hundred thousand dollars - you’re an interesting young man, you’ll definitely meet another girl, it will not be worse. And you need money to promote your business, right? No? And if a million dollars - such real cases have happened? Think about it?
To designate such a sum is very useful: divide it by 10, name "annual fee" and remember. If later you create a family with this girl, then while her spending (or your spending on it) fit into the annual fee, rejoice and enjoy. And in ten years of happiness you will simply learn to live together and all unnecessary questions will disappear.
Are you ready to quit your job for your loved one, to leave your city for nowhere, to stay without your friends or leave your parents?
Probably, for the sake of an accidental person you will not do this. And it is right.
Can you put your loved one above your ideals and principles? If you have no ideals and principles, then it is possible. If you have chosen a person who looks at life just like you, then this question just will not arise.
It is important to know that we can create our own values. In good families, it is common to discuss and clarify common family values, so that both parents and children have shared. Similarly, it is useful for spouses to negotiate and form common family values: when certainty arises in this question, many specific issues are solved much easier.