В этой семье тоже есть свои традиции. и что бы в семье ни происходило, ритуалы им помогают.
Contact between parents and children is a joy, convenience and a guarantee of preventing conflicts and misunderstandings. How to keep it from infancy for many years? Is it possible to maintain a reliable contact of parents and children even in difficult teenage years? In many families this is helped by the usual rituals that go through every day of life: the ritual "Good Morning" and "Good Night", the ritual "Lovely fingers", the ritual "15 minutes before bedtime".
A ritual is an action (set of actions) that you have to do, because you just have to do it - because it’s all done, because it’s accepted here. Taking an oath - a ritual, a handshake - is also a ritual, greeting, that is, wanting health - just as everyone is accustomed to ritual.
With what the morning begins - and upbringing
As it is difficult to put children to sleep, it is so difficult to raise them in the morning. But in our family this problem is successfully resolved, because the Ritual of the Morning Rise, composed by us and fitted to our values, repeats itself every morning for a year...
An alarm clock rings. I turn my head and kiss my wife (sometimes gently, sometimes funny). I loudly and gaily inform everyone that a new good day has come (naturally, no one has awakened yet). I get up, turn on the music and go to the bath. I fill two buckets with cold water, turn on warm water in the bathroom. I return and begin to do Vanya massage, in a voice, organizing the same between beginners waking up mom and Sasha. For five minutes the bath fills, there Vanya runs himself, and Sasha likes to come there on my pens. The children are immersed in water, I am again in bed. Five minutes of morning bliss at all. But then the children begin to riot in the bath, I go there and take out the plug, the water merges, we clean the teeth with the kids. The water has merged, Shura climbs out of the bathtub to the washing machine, Vanya includes a small warm shower and kicks. Question to Vanya, from what bucket he will pour. He chooses (where less), the shower turns off, the bucket under cheerful exclamations of all on it pours out, and he gets out by getting a towel. Now Shura is warming up under the shower, I rub it with a towel, and he runs to my mother who is still in bed... Shura needs to be warned that the shower is turned off and the bucket is ready, then he is happy and jumps joyfully under a cold stream. I rub it with a towel, I bring it to my mother and throw it into the general heap. Now I bring dumbbells, weights and drive everyone from bed to charge. Well, in general, that’s all.
It seems to be nothing tricky, but everything is fine adjusted to each other and, most importantly, is learned by all to the smallest detail.
Children no longer ask questions, why it is necessary to pour cold water in the morning: The ritual made this an axiom, from which all other problems are solved.
Today you do not want to pour yourself? - What a pity, because without the mood to pour is not so nice!
Our procedures work, because they work every day - for years. An exceptionally useful thing is a cleverly crafted ritual, converted by time into a stable tradition!
The best educator is not the one who can speak smart and kind things. The best educator is one who can create an intelligent and kind lifestyle. Words can be ignored, and the way of life will move anyone. Therefore, there are no problems of education in parents whose families have strong and intelligent traditions. Conversations about morality, of course, too, will not be superfluous, but what to say, when all this is absorbed simply from the air - the air of family traditions?
Curiously: not everyone understands what to say to each other in the morning "Good morning!" – it’s not just good feelings from the heart, it’s a ritual. What seems to be so natural in normal families (and what could be more natural than the morning greeting "Good morning!"?) - once such a natural was not. This ritual someone, some kind of creative person, came up with and introduced. Probably, it was initially artificially, and then it became habitual and natural. Thanks to this wise man!
So, the ritual consists in the fact that everyone talks with a warm smile in the morning (they do not bark, but warmly and with a smile) to each other "Good Morning" and kiss (here in different ways - in the shoulders, cheeks, lips). It is a format, that is an obligatory requirement of mutual relations. You can be not sleepy and hurt, but say "Good morning!" you must in any case.
And when a child grows up in this environment and gets used to it, it will become absolutely natural for him. This will cease to be a ritual for him and will become just kind feelings - from the heart!
Likewise. Go to bed without going to other family members and without telling them with a smile and a kiss. "Good night!" - we are not accepted. Yes?
If children are not accustomed to this, the School of Good Manners helps them to master this habit.
The morning of the child begins with the fact that someone gently strokes his toes on his legs. This someone sneaked up to him under the blanket and not tickly, but pleasantly strokes his fingers. Thumb, next, next... little finger - all fingers get their strokes and kisses. "Good morning, dear!", "Good morning, dear!" - the voice of mom (or dad) accompanies this soft morning massage.
Caution is important here - each child has his own sensitivity, and for some, even soft stroking can be felt like a sharp tickling. However, as experience shows, the soft and caring hands of parents feel that it is now a pleasure for the child. It is important that the child is not accustomed to even in the game mode to jerk off his legs like "Well tickle, go, do not want to!" - He smiles at the same time and knows that his mother will still stroke him and he is actually pleased, but later this game can completely destroy this ritual.
Is it always possible for all children to be taught this ritual? Unfortunately, what is missed, it is not always possible to make up for it. If parents have taught the child to this ritual since childhood, he is accustomed to breathing and washing. To accustom to this ritual of first-graders is already more difficult, adolescents - rather inappropriate, they are now not that age. See your situation yourself, think. But if your children are still young, the ritual "Lovely fingers" should enter the family s way of life, become completely natural and internally compulsory, the same as the morning "Good morning!"
Having breakfast together
If someone needs to escape from home early, and therefore breakfast with everyone he does not work out – that’s fine. But it is abnormal if the family does not want and there is no tradition to eat breakfast together. In a good family everyone knows when we (that is, the whole family) have breakfast, and when everyone calls for breakfast, everyone goes for breakfast. And what about breakfast? TV? Of course not. TV in a good family does not listen, in a good family at breakfast - necessarily a general conversation. Usually everyone offers a topic that I would like to discuss with him, and this topic is carefully discussed with food. In families with a high culture, the rules "What do you think?" and "Repeat, agree, add": it really all very close.
In fact, this tradition applies not only to breakfast: dinner is also organized, and on weekends - lunch. We like to be together, we are a family, we are together! For more details, see the article "And what will we talk about today?"
The word before eating
Reading a prayer before a meal is a religious tradition, but what can be a substitute for this in families with a secular worldview? I wrote the Word for my children, and for a while, from 4 to 6 years, it helped us a lot. As soon as the children began to read this word, the atmosphere at the table changed miraculously. After reading the Word, you take a commitment, and after eating there will be a Report: all the children will answer their questions and raise their hands. And the better you behaved, the higher your hand. How you want to pull it to the sky! Perhaps this Word is useful to someone else. His main advantage is in his ease. Here it is:
I love my family And I will not let it down. I’ll eat both soup and porridge, All that our mum will give us. If my mother gives us rice - I remove rice without a whim, Because the sweater Remains without dinner. I can not indulge, Do not talk and do not laugh, While I eat, I’m silent like a fish, And I ate - I will say thank you. To respect myself, I’ll keep the word: Only the one who keeps the word, Respect is worthy.
15 minutes before going to bed
A wonderful thing is fifteen minutes of communication between a child and father or mother before bed, when the child is already in bed, while the father or mother is sitting next to him and talking quietly about something: they are interrogating and listening. There can not be any disagreements and moralizing, in an extreme case (after a quarrel) you can sit just next to you, stroke a hand, kiss the fingers and say: "I love you. Good night!" What is said at night, remains in the depths of the soul and for life. Say kind words to each other!
All these rituals are just an example, only an occasion to reflect that in our family we create our relations ourselves. Here everything is individual - and if mom (for example) woke her daughter up with the ritual "Lovely fingers", then her daughter meets with her father through the ritual "Good morning". In each family there can be rituals, at different times and at each age different, it is important only that we are looking for something that will maintain our relationship day by day.