Автор: Н.И. Козлов

If you decide to go to a psychologist

​​​​​​​Psychologists are wise people who can be very helpful to you. More precisely: psychologists are wise people, and you, perhaps, will hear from them something important for themselves if you can get it from them. Asking questions to psychologists is a separate science, it’s also necessary to be able to!

Be prepared for the fact that you will have to pay for your questions. A real expert, this work "for doing so" will not. If you want to work with you, you will have to pay for it. First, pay your serious attitude and your willingness to work. Secondly - money.

If you do not include your head and just throw out your feelings in the question, they will not work with you, because you did not treat either yourself or the psychologist with respect. And with respect - it means to include the head and formulate the question so that it was clear.

If you believe that an unfamiliar person is ready to work with you simply because he is a psychologist, then this is not so. The psychologist paid money to get a professional education, and if you have a broken soul, then you come to him for the repair of your soul. There are many tricks with which people try to get help from a psychologist for free, but experts are usually familiar with them and they are not conducted: a sample list is attached here.

In addition, there are things about which the psychologist does not make sense to ask. "I am afraid of something all the time, what is the reason for this, whence such thoughts?" - these are bad questions, a good psychologist will not be responsible for them. If you burn out the chip on the TV, you will not be answered, why it happened. You will be replaced, and that’s all you need. Never ask psychologists what is the reason for what is happening to you. A clever psychologist will not answer such questions, but you do not need to listen to theories of non-specialists.

"We spent a night together with a friend, but he did not get sex." In the morning he invited me to meet, but he never called. "Why?" - Do not ask why people who are unknown to the consultant act like this. Your task is to deal with yourself.

When you write to a psychologist about your problems, you usually think only about yourself and about your problems. But if you want the psychologist to become interested in your letter and answer it in any way, think about the person who will read your letter. If you write to a psychologist, write competently. Self-respecting psychologists do not read to the end of the letter, where there are a lot of spelling and other mistakes. Why? This indicates a low culture of man and contempt for the one to whom he writes. I do not want to work with such people.

Therefore, if you have errors, write your text first in the Word and check the spelling. After the points and commas, put spaces, start new sentences with a capital letter - and so on. Please do not be too lazy, it is necessary.

When you complain about your problems, do not put pressure on emotions, give more specific information. Describe the problem in detail

Hello, I’m cracking at the seams of the marriage, help advice please! (the author’s punctuation is preserved).

Here you have not written anything, the psychologist your situation is not clear, no one will answer you. If you describe the situation, give your vision of the solutions, the pros and cons of each decision, and with an analysis of both the immediate and long-lasting consequences - you will be treated more seriously. It is best if your request for help is prepared ...

When you describe your problem, formulate your request. Set a task, define goals. Problems are different: you are afraid of something, you are offended, you made some mistakes and now you do not know what to do ... All right, your feelings are clear, but if you just described your problem, there is still nothing clear to another person here .

What would you like? Forget this problem? To accept what happened? Something to change? What exactly?

It is not enough to write what you want to get rid of. And what do you want to get as a result?

"I want to get rid of self-doubt ..." And what do you want? Learn to speak to large audiences? Learn to get acquainted on the street? Add a sense of confidence? - formulate your request specifically and in a positive.

Pay attention to this again: "Formulate what you want - not in the negative, but in the positive." Out of 10 letters that come with a request for consultation, 9 contain a request in a negative form: "how to get rid, how to stop, how to stop, how not to pay attention ..." ↑ As a rule, psychologists answer such questions last: for specialists it is a clear sign that before him a person is uneducated and very difficult work is ahead.

Forget the phrases "how to get rid, how to stop, how to stop, how not to pay attention ..." - then you will start to respond and you will get rid of a heap of problems in your life.

On consultation this will be the first thing you will come across - you will be asked what you want.

Do you want to get rid of, to start living like? Do you want to stop doing this to start doing what? Do you want to stop smoking for what purpose, to become what and how to live? You do not want to pay attention to the harshness of colleagues - and what do you want to pay attention to? What do you value in your work, what do you strive for? - you will be asked about this again and again.

Do not write what you are afraid of or what you want to get rid of. Write what you want, what you need, what you are aiming at, write all this in a positive.

How much detail and with the soul you will be answered by a psychologist, largely depends on the style of your letter. There are letters that I really want to answer. How to write such letters, how to ask such questions? Let’s agree: the style of your presentation - respect for the interlocutor and objectivity to yourself without unnecessary pity, write on the case. Enormous sympathy is caused by letters, where a person even in a difficult situation for him has the strength to light humor. So he’s still alive!

Immediately formulate your task. For example: "I want to consult if I made the right decision". Clearly, deployed, but without unnecessary feelings and distractions, describe the situation. Describe how you tried to solve it already, to whom you addressed, what you read, what you already tried.

Great, if you write that you have something turned out. If you do not get it, then you push on pity, do not try anything, or just do not care...

Now: are you ready to do something about your problem yourself? Are you ready to come for consultations or for trainings? Read the necessary literature, do these or other homework? Yes, be sure to write down which city you are from and what opportunities you have: to communicate on Skype, how often you can come to personal consultations and the necessary trainings.

And the last thing: what do you want from a psychologist and how are you ready to pay for his work. That is, write on the case and seriously, how to apply to a lawyer, surgeon or locksmith ...

Статьи по теме:
В какие игры с психологом играть бессмысленно
В какие игры с психологом играть бессмысленно

Настоящий специалист настоящую работу "за так" делать не будет. Если вы хотите, чтобы с вами работал...

Психологическая консультация
Психологическая консультация

Психологическая консультация - как правило разовая, ситуативно ориентирующая беседа психолога с разу...

Рамки синтон-подхода
Рамки синтон-подхода

Мы не грузим без нужды страхами, люди с позитивным мировосприятием более успешны. Мы не вешаем на лю...

Как выбрать себе психолога. Кто мне нужен - консультант или психотерапевт?
Как выбрать себе психолога. Кто мне нужен - консультант или психотерапевт?

Как выбирать врача или учителя? Если я в этом не разбираюсь сам, я спрашиваю специалистов-знакомых....

Format for seeking help
Format for seeking help

Если у вас появилась проблема и вы обращаетесь за помощью (к друзьям или близким, к руководителю или...

How to choose a training?
How to choose a training?

Тренинги все чаще становятся формой развлечения, сочетание приятного с полезным, где значимость моме...