Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Developing good habits. How can we wean from insults and accustom them to intelligent communication?

​​​​​​​Yes, the people around are not perfect. Moreover, sometimes it’s just hard. They are rude, unfair, lazy, selfish - in short, they are just people, that is, like us.

Educating others is not an easy task and not always grateful, especially considering that these very surrounding people are quite old people with their own habits and views on life, and to our attempts at their upbringing (and in fact re-education) they are, if not always with protest , then usually without enthusiasm.

The first recommendation along the way - do not rush to educate others, start by educating yourself: it’s more effective and honest. If you are offended by the grievances of others, then instead of arranging difficult disassembly relatives, it is better to pay attention to their provocations in their direction and work on their emotions about their grievances. If you are in poor control of yourself, it’s hardly right for you to teach others something. If you do not hear the tone of your voice and do not notice when you begin to throw charges instead of discussion, your attempts to educate someone will lead not to success, but to tension or conflict. Since the most common form of such unskilled grief-education is dissatisfaction with the behavior of another person and his criticism, it is the refusal of criticism and the cessation of discontent that often prove to be the most effective influence.

You stopped making noise, you and your partner stopped responding. Let’s situate, but the problem was solved.

However, the fact that someone does a good deed is ineffective and wrong, does not in any way cancel the task of upbringing. The requirement for the educator to start with himself is a requirement to begin with himself, but not to finish himself. It can be and is necessary to bring up, it is only necessary to do it in a qualified manner.

In good families, children are brought up with personal example, and creating an atmosphere, and trusting conversations - for everyone, but upbringing, as the main task of parents towards children, happens all the time. A wise leader, building a team of employees, is not just busy handing out current orders, his main task is to educate the personality of an employee who can work effectively in a team.

The fact that it is difficult to educate does not negate our duty to educate or re-educate the one and for whom we answer. The question "Who gave you the right to educate other people?" the question is no less strong: "Who withdrew from us the duty to educate those who are dear to us and for whom we are responsible?" Yes, this business is not easy and requires high qualification, but if you are a developed person, an experienced teacher, if you have serious levers of influence and a person close to you is quite sane, it is just necessary and you have chances.

Parenting, especially re-education, is a purely creative matter, and three points, three possibilities, three tools are most useful here: setting the format, discussing what is happening, and accustoming them to reasonable communication. Each of these means has its pros and cons, they need to be known and taken into account.

The first possibility is to set the format. This is the most effective and reliable tool, but it is possible only at the beginning of relations and subject to a certain interest of a person in communicating with you.

The second possibility is to discuss what is happening. This is possible at any stage of the relationship, but it’s better to wait and start a conversation when you are clean and your partner is obviously wrong. It will not happen to everyone - only to those who understand what civilized relations are. Between quality people this will be a benevolent discussion, in more difficult cases - prepared disassembly.

Well, the third one is the teaching to reasonable communication: it always acts with any sane people, but it’s a long and requires patience and methodicalness.

So, where do we start? We recommend starting with a format - at least to get acquainted with the possibilities of this amazing business, which wise people use when conscious, when not, but always with great benefit. See Format: set, accustom, maintain


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