Автор: Н.И. Козлов

How to ask for forgiveness

​​​​​​​To ask for forgiveness is a ritual. This is what it is customary to do and what educated people do in a situation where they were wrong. This is a ritual of interpersonal relationships, reducing guilt in front of a partner and own sense of guilt. We are not perfect, sometimes we are wrong, giving people inconveniences and problems. If the situation is shallow, it is enough to apologize, in more serious cases, one should ask for forgiveness. "Well, stop sucking! Forgive me, I was wrong! "- such a request to forgive is not the worst option, but - not the best. Unlike "asking for forgiveness," apologies are just words, and in some cases, apology is not enough ...

The best way to learn to ask forgiveness is to start teaching this to children. Children really do not know how to do it, and then we need to explain the following things. If you want to be understood and heard, you need contact with a person. It is necessary to keep an eye contact with the person, and in close relations it is good to touch the hand or to attach. You need sincerity, intonations are soft, intimate, asking, but without excuses. Excuses - take it away, they are not needed. Feeling of guilt is not necessary, sometimes even hinders - here rather according to the circumstances and expectations of the partner. Excuses and feelings of guilt are your disassociation with yourself, and when you ask for forgiveness, your soul should be occupied only by a partner. When starting to speak, use the full wording. Not briefly "I’m sorry", but maximally deployed: "I want to ask you for forgiveness." "I want" is very important. You do not have to apologize, but you want to do it ... Next - an expanded understanding of our guilt. Namely, with you about your guilt not less than three proposals, and tell convincingly, from the position of the partner. We emphasize this: THREE TIMES, no less. The second time you will be heard, only the third time you will be believed. Believe it quickly, if in your understanding of your guilt, you will speak with those formulations that are about you sound in the soul of a partner.

Attention: when asking for forgiveness, do not allow in your words the accusations and demands to forgive, by this you will erase everything that spoke from the heart before. This error can be seen in the video "Josephine, Come Back!" (Film "Chocolate"): the first part of the conversation, when the request was actually formulated, was successful and was accepted. Here it was necessary to thank and leave to return to the conversation in three days (the optimal time). Continue immediately and in fact demand to return - already a mistake. One of the most important points in the request for forgiveness is conclusions for the future. For those who are angry with you, it is important that the incident does not happen again, and your task is to tell your conclusions for the future so that they will believe you; so that you yourself are sure that now you are not just talking beautiful words, but take care of the next time that something was not repeated. Well, if your request for forgiveness is a beautiful ending: compensation for damage or grief. It used to be money, once flowers, but sometimes words of repentance are few, and even if you love (or respect) the person who was hurt, I probably would like to make a good gift in this situation. Do it!

How can this look in reality? For example, a young man wants to ask forgiveness from his beloved for the fact that last night he was a stranger, cold and withdrawn. Maybe today everyone is in a good mood, but he still wants to tell his beloved, what he remembers about yesterday, he considers himself to be wrong, considers his behavior to be inadmissible and asks her forgiveness. The possible option is that he covers his hand with his hand and says, "I want to ask you to forgive me for yesterday." Yesterday I was nasty, yesterday I was a beech, you approached me, you cared about me, you were warm and attentive, you wanted to talk with me, and I was busy and you did not hear it as if it were someone else’s. I was closed, I was cold, I was like I do not love you, forgive me for this, please! You were absolutely right when angry on me, I should not be like that, I must always be and always with my beloved woman, I ‘m going to be loving, and I have to be loving, I’ll be loving, I want to ask you to forgive me again for yesterday, I’ve already told myself everything, I’ve made all the conclusions. "I had a difficult situation yesterday, but it does not justify me: no matter what the situation, I always have to have a favourite, I promise that it will not happen again, I love you very much! " Or from a woman who was rude to her lover: "I want to ask you to forgive me: yesterday I was very angry with you and wrote you nasty things." Today I came to myself and I understand that this is unacceptable and dishonorable. I will write to you, although I really want to. "Without communication with you I will be very hard, but so I need: will I suddenly grow wiser?" Once again: please forgive me, in fact, I admire you and really treasure you." Successful, beautiful option, how you can ask for forgiveness - see the video from the movie "Mistress-peasant woman."

In business relations, the formula "How to ask for forgiveness" remains, only the accents change. Reduce the topic of the partner’s feelings, increase the topic of "compensation" and "conclusions for the future." Important: if people are in a partnership, the item "conclusions for the future" is thought out together. This is really not a simple point, and if, say, the wife forgot to wash your shirt or your husband was seriously late for the meeting, so his wife had to wait for him, is it always easy to formulate conclusions for the future? If you approach this issue seriously, then you need to think together. "You say that you remembered all day about the shirt, wanted to wash it, and then suddenly turned and forgot... Look: you now promise that another time this will not happen, you will remember and do it. And today I tried to remember about it, but you had a lot of things to do and it’s hard to keep it in your head. Can I help you somehow, maybe make a reminder, hang it on the fridge, or just call from work, will I remind you? What do you think ? I love you!" Probably so, in a co-operative way, it will be easier to find a good solution.

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