Автор: Н.И. Козлов

"Men do not cry" as pedagogical suggestion to children

Откуда этот малыш знает, что такое мужское поведение?
Откуда этот малыш знает, что такое мужское поведение?

Фильм "Майор Пэйн"

Когда маленький Тайгер плачет, майор Пэйн учит его быть мужчиной.
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Фильм "Легенда №17"

Тебе не больно, Харламов!
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Фильм "Испанский-английский"

Девочкам обычно плакать разрешают. Но - немножко!
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Rarely do the boys cry, which their parents taught in a difficult situation - to act. More often cry those children who do not know what to do.

The boy fell, hit his knee hard and sits, rubbing it. - "Poor thing, how it hurts you, come I will pity you!" - Grandmother began to cry, and the child burst into tears. When you regret, you want to cry and feel poor. Women like to take care of small and unhappy, like to regret, but the result of such a woman’s upbringing is a girl, not a boy.

Watch how children behave when something is hit hard during a game. Do they cry? - Yes, if there is a mother nearby. If there is a mother or grandmother nearby, the child cries and runs to her to regret it. If mom or grandmother does not, if children play alone, without adults, crying sounds surprisingly rare. Hit - rubbed his knee, well, - ran on. Playing!

Suggesting the boys "Men do not cry" - not the ban of emotions in general, but the education of the culture and habits of the future man. Feminine fears "This will lead to suppression of emotions and the child will grow unemotional" - empty. If the parents explain to the child that it is impossible to fight with iron sticks, this is not a ban of movements in general and this will not lead to a physical underdevelopment of the child. Our children can and should be alive and emotional, but feelings of helplessness and self-pity should hardly be the main notes in the scale of the emotional experiences of our children.

Good parents have a simple rule: "If you need help - say, we’ll help you, but if you cry - how can we help you? Stop crying and tell me what you want!". This rule establishes normal communication between children and parents, and children instead of emotional pressure on their parents begin to calmly talk about their problems and their desires.

Children cry not just from pain, children cry to adults to regret. Only later, with time, they begin to cry not to adults, but to themselves, they begin to feel sorry for themselves.

Psychologists taught this on the course of children’s psychology: "Activities divided between the adult and the child, eventually the child is internalized and becomes his personal".

Actually, why not cry, if you want, and you are ready to regret it? Why not cry, if you’re a child? Why not cry for life further, if in the model of female behavior weep at a meeting with the terrible and difficult - is it normal? Women cry, because next to them there are men who will hear them and protect them. But if at a time when it is terrible and difficult, a man instead of protecting a woman, begins to cry, a woman will remain defenseless. The woman will remain - without a man.

"Cry, cry, it will be easier!" - grandmothers tell their granddaughters: there is a normal training of girls in the norms of female behavior. "Men do not cry," fathers say to their sons, so that they do not become a crybaby.

At the same time, as in any teaching situation, the pedagogical task should be feasible: if the situation for the boy is unexpected and too difficult, the father in such a situation will remain silent and only embrace the crying son. Men do not grow up at once, it is impossible to demand everything at once. But remember the direction - it is necessary: ​​"Men - do not cry." Men must act, not worry. Men must be strong, and even their tears should someday do stronger both themselves and their environment.

Do not ask our grandmothers to tell their beloved grandchildren: "Stop crying, you’re a man!" - when a child cries and looks at her with piteous eyes, grandmother can not say such things. But if a man is engaged in male education, father, he must be supported. I want to believe that our women are married to adequate men who can be trusted to raise children. We will be happy if every boy has a father - a real man, from whom he wants to take an example. Men must be strong so that women are happy.

Of course, if a child hurts and offends a little, it’s okay, it’s not hysterical, and that’s fine. But in fact - not excellent. And if we plan to live to the maximum and also educate our children, then - no offense and no tears. Real men do not react that way, so boys should learn the same.

It is clear that you need to take into account age characteristics. Up to one year the child has only honest crying, but after a year the situation is more complicated: the child learns both instrumental and manipulative crying. If a child cries simply from pain, it is perfectly normal to take him in his arms, he will calm down more quickly. If a little something wants and cries about it, calmly ask him what he wants, even if at least with his hand or direction of eyes he shows you: it’s time for children to learn this in a year and a half. And if he yells, just getting his way, do not react to this or try to distract - it’s not right if the child gets used to you to command. And talk with the child that the boy does not cry, of course, later, the theme "you’re not a girl" until years is not relevant.

By the way, about girls - and how do you think, how to treat crying from girls? Can they cry? How many? What for? According to my information, in the old days at the Institute of Noble Girls, it was indecent for girls to cry. It’s just - a bad tone, like you’re from the peasants. Fainting was permitted, but no crying. And then the educated girls did not cry, even when it was difficult and painful ... But still: what do you think? How to educate our children? Boys? Girls?

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