Автор: Н.И. Козлов

I decide to love my husband

- Hello!

"Hello, good afternoon, Nikolai Ivanovich!"

- Good afternoon, Nastya! So, you wanted to talk about her husband?

- Yes.

- As I understand from your letter, your husband is a good man, but you do not have any warm feelings for him?

- There were, there were a lot of them, a very long period.

- So, and what are the alternatives? Are there other men who attract you? Or in this direction you did not look? What situation?

- There are no other concrete ones, because there is no such task. How, I’m married.

- So, and? What thoughts arise, for example?

- The reflections that I had appeared were simple: can I get divorced?

- What for? Why did you come up with this idea? Diluting means to expect something better, and what will be better? Do you see the opportunity to look for another person or to get away from it, because it is very difficult for the husband? These are different situations.

"I was thinking about looking for another person."

- Do not understand. The ability to search is now.

- How?

"Namely and directly." Dear women, you are so interesting. If, for example, you work somewhere, you work honestly and well, nobody prevents you from looking for another job that suits you more. But, if you do not find it, you continue to work wonderfully where you work.

- Yes, I agree.

"Nastya, a little bit aside." In your letter, you write: if we divorce, the child and the husband will have an injury. So: if in this situation, adults are reasonable people, then there will be no traumas. Another thing, you know, I’m not at all sure that you need to go somewhere. if you have a good family, I do not really believe that in the near future you will find seriously better options. In addition, there is no guarantee that you will not have the same thing with another man as here, with this good man. In the beginning there will be feelings, and in a year or two the feelings will go away, what are we going to do next?

- Well, I have the same question. I’m not sure this is the right choice. The fact of the matter is that I do not have any solution ...

- Well, did you talk to your husband about this? Does he have a desire to change anything?

- Yes, it happened that we talked.

"Well, they would have made a wonderful relationship."

- Yes, in general we are trying to do, we are making efforts to it.

- Maybe this is the solution? That is, I do not mind at all and I consider it perfectly normal if you are looking for a better option. And if suddenly there is a terrific person about whom you will have the confidence that he does not have happiness without you, but he is worthy of happiness, and you will give him this for many years; and your husband, maybe, will find a woman who suits him more than you do, then this is a normal option. Everything is possible, just the probability of this, in my opinion, is not great. You can see the options, and existing relationships need to be protected and developed. And certainly, what not to miss.

- Well, there is no sadness, no negative feelings.

"Then why do not you take care of your husband so that you can say that I love him?"

"Well, how to say, I do not care ... I care a lot." A lot of everything.

- Yes, of course, there are always many worries. But when you write about a child, it is clear that there is love in your care of the child. You write about it so delicious! And you write about your husband briefly, dryly. About the husband you do not care so?

- Why, cared. I would even say this was given to many years. Love was like a child, like a kitten, just for nothing. But on his part there were many such actions, that our relations have changed...

- It is very interesting. Here from here in more detail and not hurrying. So, what did he do, that you decided to stop loving him and started not to love him?

- If we talk about the specifics, what he did...

- Yes, or did not. After all, sometimes women stop loving a man when he stops doing something.

- We had a moment ... sad, sad. Even probably, there was not so much sadness as resentment and anger. When I gave birth to the third child, my husband began to walk. That was it. It was a long time ago. We have already discussed everything, everything has already settled in general, but it probably started with me.

"Why did you stop loving him?"

- I’m at a loss to say. What do you mean?

- Then it’s different: maybe you’ll just start loving it?

- If love is seen as behavior? Or how are feelings?

​​​​​​​- Of course the behavior, and the behavior is the feelings. You will love a year, at the level of behavior, where you will get by, and feelings will be the same. But this is if you are so easy to behave if your behavior is supported by her husband. If you feel what you are getting, if it is accompanied by good, internal comments. Not the type: "Oh, I’m a fool, what I’m doing to him, and he’s nothing to me!". If you’re going to do this year with negative internal comments, the result will be just the opposite, it’s understandable.

- In this case, I am absolutely sure, my husband is happy to accept such behavior.

- Well, well, then do it. And he still has to give the assignment: native, where tenderness, where love, what for business, today was a day without love on your part. Now I will not give you supper, dear, first kiss me in your ear, get used to your own wife properly! Everything, and it will be a fun game. Teach your husband that his house is all good and fun.

So, to you the final question. You love your children, it’s great, you’re cool, you’re wonderful! Can you love your husband at the same level? Will you put such a task, what do you think about this? You can not answer now, you can at first think how much you need.

- Well, I think I can. Anyway, there’s a lot of things between us. Many feelings, there are warm feelings, different feelings.

- Then, can you already say now: Everything, I begin. And I start myself, and I strain my husband, I work and carry on? Or even think about it?

- I can say, I can, of course!

- So, the new stage of family life begins?

- well!

- So that in a year, for example, you write the essay "My Family", and it will be completely different! And exactly half there will be about the children - with a soul, with pleasure and with details, and exactly the other half - just as with love about the husband.

- Yes OK!

- My God, how good it is! Well, it’s nice! Great!

- Good! Thank you so much!

- There will be questions, call. Nastya, everything is fun, everything is fine!

- Yes, thank you very much, Nikolay Ivanovich.

- All the best to you! Bye!

- Bye!

Consultations of psychologists: we will help you, contact us!

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