Best of all, those requests that sound on time, when they can be performed in the course of life, are natural and easy. The request to throw out the package with garbage is inappropriate when the child has already undressed, coming from the street; she sounds better when he has not undressed yet; and is fulfilled naturally, when the child is dressed and is going to go outside. The rule of the right moment is an absolutely magic rule that makes our communication reasonable and effective.
For example, you need to teach your child to go outside, turn off the light in the hallway (take a cell phone, or say when he returns). We tell him, but he forgets. We tell him again, he forgets again. No matter how many swear, the effectiveness of our actions is either low, or none. And what should I do? - Recollect unfamiliar word "bifurcation".
"Bifurcation Point" is a concept from a technical dictionary and denotes a split: a brief moment when the system can change the mode of operation in an unpredictable way either in one direction or in another direction, after which there is no return to the past. The situation will be either one or the other. Applied to psychology - this is the moment when a person can easily do something, or not do it; do one thing - or do something else.
When a person at this point, the slightest push in the right direction gives the desired effect. When this moment is missed - everything, passed, the point of no return is passed: you can only swear, but the desired result will no longer be.
So, going back to the fact that the child turned off the light in the hallway. Question: when do we raise this subject with the child? Usually we start talking about this when the child came from the street, that is, when he can not really do anything. This means - not on time, there are no bifurcation points here.
We need to act differently. Namely, it is important not to be lazy and to be near your child at the moment when he is in the hallway and going to the exit. At the time of his gatherings, calmly ask when he will return, tell me about the mobile phone and, after kissing, ask for the light to turn off. Everything, you leave the hallway, the child turns off the light and goes for a walk. He has done everything and will do it with pleasure, and if you continue to do so in the same way, soon it will become his habit.
The main difficulty is to organize yourself. Remember about what we want to achieve. However, here there is one useful circumstance: faced with how we forget our own intentions, we will be more understanding of the fact that the child forgets our requests too.
Similarly, the husband went to the market, brought onions - bad. Sluggish, wet, yet what. The standard reaction of the wife is to say that he does not buy the onion in that place, because he brought the onion non-Wagner.
The wife did not swear at her husband, she said everything calmly and honestly, but her husband received negative reinforcement for his work. And the next time about the request of his wife, he probably will already forget, again bring something wrong, and the wife will begin to get angry. Or take offense at his inattention.
More wisely and responsibly - thank the husband for the purchase, kiss and do business. But remember the onion. And the next time he comes to the market, give him very clear instructions, to whom he should go or what to look at when he will choose a bow.
Yes, we need to remember this. Yes, the work of "remembering" is also a job, and most of the time we try to throw this work onto another. But if we want a result and good relations, this work we need to take on. Probably, this is just fair: after all, we want something from our relatives, which means that we need to remember this. An ancient rule: "You need - and you do!"
Anya writes, a wise wife: "If a husband has to do something big around the house, I first discuss the need for this business with him, and then - I remind him about this when there is free time, which he himself" did not write down. "For example , it was necessary to make a suspension for the TV in the kitchen, so that he did not occupy a place in the room, we still do not look at it. "Quietly, I calmly keep in mind that this should be done." As soon as my husband had a free day off - a joint trip with friends broke off , then I showed up with a reminder: "And you wanted more TVs Zor to move. "All done - fast, good with pleasure and without sawing ..."
Dear men, to salt or not to salt the cereal - this issue is resolved in that moment, when my wife is standing at the plate with a spoon and a saucepan. When she has already salted the porridge, it’s too late, that’s all. And an hour before this moment - too soon, she will forget everything a hundred times ... Remember, all your wonderful wishes should be made public to the relatives only at the right time. When the point of no return is not yet passed. Only when it is necessary.
Write a reminder and hang in the place where you will be, when this instruction will be useful for you to remember.