Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Ability to obey is the basis of intelligent independence

Do you agree that an obedient child does not exist independently? - Do not be in a hurry to agree: it is not. Here are four options, we look:

1) There are obedient children, but unable to do anything without the parents’ orders.

2) There are children who are naughty and completely independent, such little savages who choose how to do them and who have

​​​​​​​something to learn from them.

Remember: Dunno, Huckleberry Finn - like it?

3 ) There are children who are disobedient and dependent: without parents, they can not do anything, but parents are not listening at all: a kind of armless stubborn, a caprice of the ordinary.

4) And there are children who treat their parents with great respect, the children are obedient - and at the same time strong and independent personalities.

Such was, for example, Napoleon Bonaparte: yes, stubborn and defiant, weakly characteristic father, he did not obey, but mother Letizia, a strict woman, from childhood, taught him to strict order.

Smart independence of children is a continuation of obedience, imparted by wise parents. Both obedience and independence have a common basis - the ability to perform what is said: it is said to itself or told to parents. The skill is not simple, it includes the ability not to be distracted, to keep the direction and to be effective in this direction, which in turn implies certain experience.

If a child does not know how to tie a shoelace, how can he obediently begin to tie it? But it is obedience that makes it possible, following the instructions of the parents, to acquire the necessary experience. If the child starts tying the shoelaces not as horrible, but as the parents showed and explained, he will learn this skill more quickly and soon be able to do it himself.

Independence does not begin at the moment when control is removed and full freedom of action is given - this is the final stage. Independence begins with a qualitative preparation for this freedom, namely, from the passage of the period of obedience, which contributes to the accumulation of productive experience, with the development of the ability to set goals, to choose ways to achieve them!

Do you want your children to be independent? Create conditions for the accumulation of experience among your children, create conditions for joint decision-making, and quietly give control, delegating them new powers in the developed area!

But this is only the first stage. From obedience grows only the possibility of independence. Whether an obedient child turns into an independent child depends largely on the parents, on their attitudes. If parents need a child only comfortable, they, accustoming him to obedience, his independence will be quenched. If parents want to see their child as a free, thinking and creative person, then, accustoming him to obedience, they will direct him through obedience to bold, free and responsible decisions.


If you give your child ahead of time, he may well use it to whine and huddle with his mother.


It is not true that all children always want freedom and independence. Many children are cowardly, and without the direction of parents to manifest their independence are not very inclined. It may be advantageous for children to be obtuse, children can be advantageous to be croakers, it is beneficial to be sick ... - but if there are wise parents next to the child, they will grow in the right direction. Because the child is obedient, and the parents are wise.


The ability to obey is the basis of intelligent independence.


How does obedience (discipline) and the ability to think creatively and independently combine? Perfectly combined, if such a task was set. The order is the following: if the parents said - the child first of all must do it, and not discuss it. After that, if the child has questions or disagreement, he can and should discuss this with his parents so that there is maximum mutual understanding. And, perhaps, by joint efforts it will be possible to find a form more acceptable, joyful and cheerful for the future. We start with the will, we connect the mind, we complete the desire!

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