Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Rules of the rules

In a good family there are always rules, little laws. In order for the rules in your family to work, they must comply with certain rules. Namely, the rules are:

The fewer rules, the better

Rules should not be too much, if possible they should be minimal. First, too many rules make life close, and secondly, to make rules, they need to be remembered. When the rules become too much, they fall out of the head and cease to be performed. To introduce new rules it is necessary only when the old ones are already mastered and passed to the level of habit.

Specifically: create a list of the most important rules (the most important at least for today, not at all, but what’s important now) of your family. Discuss with your relatives, maybe something will be deleted, most likely you will reformulate something. Leave only the most necessary, with what all agree, what will be controlled and what will be performed. This list type and hang - not necessarily in the most prominent place, but that you can always come up and clarify: there is such a rule or there is no such rule.

The rules should take care of all family members.

The rules in the family should be established by parents, thinking about the interests of all family members. And about the freedom and joy of the younger ones, and about the tasks and tranquility of the elders. On the rights of both men and women. The best rule is that which takes into account all the interesting sides. If the rule is directed against someone or someone is clearly unprofitable, it usually works poorly. In addition, parental requirements should not conflict with the most critical needs of the child. We should not limit the child’s need for movement, communication or his research interests only because we do not bear noise or are afraid that he does not stick his nose where not to go. It is better to create safe conditions so that he can fulfill his needs. You can study puddles, but only in high boots ... You can even throw stones at the target, if you take care that nobody is hurt.

The rule should be clear

"After school - just go home": and on the way to chat with friends it is possible? And a little with them to run? A watch in football? The rule "Tell the truth" is often contradicted by the rule "Do not upset your mother," and the requirement "You can not fight" often conflicts with "If you are offended, give change." If at a holiday, when children run and make noise, parents look at children with contented faces, then talk at the same time "Do not run!" and "Take it easy!" is to give contradictory messages. If you say "I do not repeat three times," then this must be done. Yes?

From simple - to complex

If the rule is too difficult and too much - it will not be executed. The rule "Children among themselves are not called and do not fight" to a certain age is not realistic: for children this is unnatural, and they do not need such a rule and it is really too difficult for such a rule. In addition, it is impossible to carry out many rules at once, so take for the rule: "Not all at once." The rules should be feasible for execution. Enter the new rule gradually, only then mastered the former, and know how to wait. I do not like you that the child is twisted, you do not like that there is a lot of garbage in the child’s speech - do not make any noise ahead of time, everything is quiet. Smile, support. All in due course, all is not at once done. Admire your child, it will be better than making claims to him. When entering a new rule, help children remember about it and, perhaps, first run it as a game. If a ban on "Netki" is introduced, start for Netki to squat along with the children, and the rule will quickly become common, its own and understandable.

Denote the rigidity of the rule

The rules can have different rigidity, and it should be indicated: this is a hard rule, and this is a soft, rather recommendation. A rigid rule is absolutely necessary for execution, it is not discussed and must be performed under any circumstances.

An excellent rule - the children go to bed at 22.00. Iron rule! Games, movies, Vkontakte and other entertainment on computers - only in the morning, before school. When they need - the children will rise at 5 am. A wonderful habit to get up early!

Soft rules go with intonation "it would be desirable", "we will orient to this as much as possible." There are rules-tips ("Hand is better to wash with soap"), but there are iron rules: "You can not indulge in fire". You can not steal, and this is not justified by anything, but you can not raise your voice in principle, but in some cases it is forgivable.

When children are small stiffness rules are conveniently labeled with flowers. An interesting system was proposed by Yu.B. Gippenreiter: green is the zone of child’s freedom, yellow - the child has a relative freedom, orange - is allowed as an exception, red color is a definitive prohibition.

The rules should be the same.

There are situations in the family when the mother speaks or permits one, the father - another, and the grandmother offers her own option. Imagine yourself in the child’s place in such a situation. Try to figure out whose rules and restrictions must be observed! In addition, one can take advantage of the opportunity and pursue one’s own by making a split in the ranks of adults. The task of adults is to coordinate all the basic rules among themselves. If it is not possible, calmly explain: "When you’re at my grandmother, there are only rules." And when you’re at home, we have different rules. Usually it is quite understandable for children.

Formulating the rule, do it firmly.

Or smile and everything suits you, or you say the rule firmly: without persuading, but formulating the demand: "Turn off the computer, go to sleep." The tone can be serious, can be friendly, never flattering, and undesirably coarse-imperative. The ban given in an angry or imperious manner is perceived twice as hard. To the question: "Why not?" - Do not answer: "Because I so command!", "It is impossible, that’s all!". It should be briefly explained: "It’s too late", "It’s dangerous", "It can crash," etc. The explanation should be short and given once. And it is better to give it in an impersonal form. For example: "Sweets eat after dinner" instead of "Put the candy right now back!". Or: "Do not play with matches, it’s dangerous" instead of "Do not you dare touch the matches!". What you say to a child should be said clearly, briefly and strongly (demanding). It is very important not only what you say, but also how you say. What is important to pay attention to? Look Strength and firmness in voice and gestures

Rules must be protected by sanctions

"A good word and a pistol sounds more convincing than just a kind word!" - it’s true. The rules are justified by reasonableness, but must be protected by sanctions. What and how - the question is separate.

Статьи по теме:
Four Colors of Freedom: Restrictions in the Life of Children (Yu.B. Gippenreiter)
Four Colors of Freedom: Restrictions in the Life of Children (Yu.B. Gippenreiter)

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