Conversations with children, built by the Socrates method, take a very long time and do not guarantee that they will lead to the desired result. However, unlike short parental instructions, such conversations teach children to think and help to understand parents more. Shall we try?
Son: Mom, I want XBOX. Buy it?
Mom: Interesting idea. And why is this for you, tell me?
S: I’ll play. It’s great. There you can move.
M: Cool. I also really liked that this is not an ordinary shooter, where the eyes get tired and the priest is sitting out, but something quite athletic. I am for. Let’s think, where do we get money from it, do not we have extra ones? All the salary I now spend on our family expenses, on what we need in the first place. What are your suggestions?
S: We need to spend less money on family expenses, then we will have money for XBOX!
M: Option, it’s worth thinking about. I’ll think about what I can refuse, perhaps I have extra expenses. And what are you ready to give up for the sake of the XBOX?
S: I’m ready to give up movies and sweets!
M: Super, wise thought! This will help us, but how much? Count how much you will save this way in a month, and for how many months we will accumulate the right amount!
S: So ... Well, the movie and all sorts of trivia goes about a thousand a month ... Then, to save up on the console, it takes a year and a half ... It’s too long.
M: Yes. not fast. But if we do something else, everything will be faster. Money is usually collected from different sources, so I would suggest that this item be left, but look for something else. Are there any other ideas where to get money for the console?
S: And maybe I’ll go to work?
M: You know, I would be happy if you could do this, and I’m ready to help you in every way. However, on the move now I can not think of where and how you could work at years old. I suggest that you and me think about it. Who will find or hear where they will find each other. Have agreed?
S: Yes, we agreed ... Mom, can you make more money?
M: I do not know, son. What do you think I should do for this?
S: Work harder!
M: Son, I love you, and I love my work, and I’m ready to work more. There is a difficulty - I do not have time for this now, I’m completely busy with household chores: you need to go to the store, cook food, wash the dishes, vacuum the rooms. Do you think I can somehow unload from household chores?
S: I can also vacuum and wash dishes.
M: Great! I was just going to buy a dishwasher. It costs as much as the HARVEST. But if you wash the dishes, I do not need a dishwasher. Are you ready to wash the dishes every day, if we buy a prefix?
S: Of course!
M: How long? It’s not one or two days, it’s like a permanent job. Are you ready to wash the dishes for six months, until you save up for the dishwasher?
M: I respect, I have a great assistant, a real man. And what should we do if you do not want to wash the dishes? What should I do?
S: Well, be honest, if you then take away from me the XBOX.
M: So, that’s understandable. And if you play enough for two days, will bother you and stop washing dishes? I then have no money for the dishwasher, or clean dishes. What will I feel? What would you feel in my place?
S: That I was deceived. But I will not deceive you!
M: Thank you, son, for these words. In any case, let’s remember: on this device the life does not end, you will have other things that you and I will want to buy. I believe you, and your task is to keep your word. But are you sure you can do it?
M: And if you get tired? Every day, washing dishes is not easy.
S: Mom, but let’s have a day off from the dishes on Sunday!
M: Only on condition that you kiss me now and say that I have the best mother in the world!
S: Yes, Mom, you are the most-the best!
Compare with another dialogue where "I want XBOX», mother says shortly: "Let’s buy, but for this you will always wash dishes for a year, except for the day off. And if you do not, then I’ll never buy you anything else ". It seems that the agreement on the fact is the same. But the result is different. In the second case, the conditions for the child are formulated by the adult in ready-made form. In the first case, the child came to an agreement with an adult, through a leisurely discussion, which means that he will have a higher level of awareness and responsibility for observing the terms of the contract. And the child also received experience in solving the vital task.
A separate question is how much each mother (or each dad) can hold such a conversation: not everyone and not everyone. This conversation is not simple, it requires not only a logically built-up thinking of parents, but also restraint, the ability to resist child manipulation. If the child was allowed to throw disgruntled reproaches "You are always like that!", Take offense and blame "You just do not love me!", Ask "Well, Mom, please, I really beg you!", Not every adult. If you have such a danger, then instead of an unpredictable conversation in a similar situation it makes sense to give the child to read this article and discuss it together. This will lead to a reasonable result faster and more reliable. Good luck to all of us!