For a man, the use of force is natural. The man is Silovik. For the father it’s normal to give a pope, for a boy it’s ok to get a pope. Boys are kicking and fighting, this is their norm of life, only parents, or rather, moms, are affected by this. A real man knows how to be restrained and never will never hit, but if you need to call a child to order, and from the first time the child does not understand him, he will do it without hesitation.
Men do not believe in the original angelic nature of children, their motto: "Angels are not born, angels become." Children, become-wit! "
Women approach Siloviki not close, they profess the approach of Dusheka. Women believe in the positive attitude of the child and are careful, constantly worrying about losing it - and remembering that the baby can only be loved. Children grow up. but for a mother, a child always remains just such an infant ... Women have more fears, they can not afford those harsh measures that men consider perfectly normal: "Well, what do you allow yourself? You do not know how this will affect the child and what fears of him may appear after you! And then, we have the same contact with the child! ". Women do not like to force them to interact with children - and they avoid it in every possible way. Psychologists-consultants constantly receive letters from women of this kind:
"How to be if online games capture - warn, punish, all with hostility." Of course, I try to explain to them the harm of online games, but still they want to play. "
"Can you tell me how to behave properly when my son starts just yelling like a cut (and consciously and looking in the eyes, without tears - they are then added), if suddenly what is not in his (for example: he wants to jump off the couch, I do not mind , I just offer help in the form of a hand, I explain that it’s a little high for his age - he’s yelling. "Okay, I say jump yourself (thinking about myself, anyway) I’m screaming." I already think that it was necessary to explain and prohibit, but he would be exact then too shouted (there were precedents, even if I something have resolved in the answer another) "
Or, from comments to the article "Harmful habits of the child": "The child is always with his mouth open, with no rhinitis." The orthodontist said that this is a bad habit.Things and explanations do not help.This can be a psychological problem? How to be? The child is 9 years old. I replied: "Yes, I think it’s a psychological problem, but another plan: the problem is that your child does not listen to you, and you use only persuasions and explanations. Now this is an open mouth problem, in 7 years the problems may turn out to be as more serious. And you will only persuade and explain?
Women seem to organically either do not tolerate, or do not understand the need for harsh measures to wean children from bad habits. They consider options when everything is just kind: words, not actions, so as to cause desire, and not just ban. Actually, prohibiting most mothers means only the words "I forbid you this!", But nothing really serious of this should not be. Mom will explain and persuade, even when there is no need to explain already, and persuasion does not help in principle. So it happens: my mother is trying to solve the problem gently day after day, month after month, then she did not have enough nerves-she yelled at the children, arranged for a tantrum, decided something, but it is not ugly, it’s not allowed to act regularly ... She pissed, sighed, - Then again for the old: recalls, asks and persuades ... And so until the next scandal.
Men like to solve such situations simply by giving orders and without speaking stop the children’s misconduct. They do not even force, because they do not even consider the possibility of resistance to their orders internally. They just put things in order, just as a woman clean up the dust. It does not make the dust disappear, it just wipes dust and brings order.
Women only practice persuasion and, until the last, avoid formulating a clear and precise demand. Even if she dictates the text of the demand, only unfortunate eyes can be seen in response, after which the refusal follows: "No, I can not say that!"
Once with the company of young mothers, I asked to play a situation when the daughter does not get up in the morning, and specifically asked to talk to her harder, demanding ... Here is a recording of a conversation where one mother played a daughter, and another raised her:
Wake up, how hard it is! Well, sleep would be even at least 10 minutes!
- Lena, the rise!
- Well, 5 more minutes! Let’s count to five and I’ll get up.
- Climb! The hand rises, the leg rises.
- It’s so cool ... No leg, I’m already cold ... I’m going to hide once more, and then I’ll get up.
"It’s very cool." I will hide again and then get up.
- Lena, get up! I’m leaving, I do not want to listen. Let’s get up quickly.
"There are still a few minutes."
- No time.
«I’ll count to ten, then I’ll get up."
Here I interrupted this bickering: this style of conversation was ineffective, could go on indefinitely, did not give a result. Mom seems to be trying to talk roughly, played almost a man, but still in the voice were heard persuasions and persuasions. I offered my option, without persuasion. It sounded like this:
- Lena, you yourself will get up, or shall I help you?
- No, I will assemble myself.
- So, I count to three, and then I’ll help. It’s just time to get up. One ...
Everything, the question was decided, Lena will rise. But if she thinks that everything and everything is cheap for her, then she is mistaken. In fact, the conversation will continue ... What about? Yes, about the fact that Lena did not rise herself and even resisted the demands of her parents. Therefore, in the evening there will be another conversation - this:
- Lena, tell us, what did we have today with getting up?
- I had a very good dream. Such a bright, beautiful ...
- I’m not asking you about this. You yourself did not get up, and I had to use violence directly to my beloved daughter.
- It’s very, very cold.
"I understand correctly that you are offering me to continue raising you so, and I will decide this question for you?"
- It’s hard for me to say yet. But probably yes, it is necessary.
- Have to. Is that what you decided for me? And you’re helpless. You really decided that you’re helpless and decided to rely on Papa’s decision due to this feature? Daughter, you’re smart, do you really need this?
- Yes, I’m smart.
- Clever. Then you have 5 minutes to consult your mother, what to do, so that you get up yourself, or in 5 minutes I will tell you about your future destiny ...
Of course, the best and most wise decision if the family roles will be are distributed: when it is necessary to act hard, ordering the exacting father, and when it is possible and necessary to melt the ice, this makes a warm and kind mother with her unconditional love. This is the ideal solution, the difficulty is only that the father is not always there, and sometimes he is not in the family at all. It is to these situations that a woman should be ready: be able to be not only sweet and warm, but if necessary, once, and determined, and tough. You just need to be able to do this. Maybe you will address this very rarely, but you must be able to do it.
Total, the recommendation to women: learn how to act tough. Without scandals - but tough. In the beginning - they asked calmly, but clearly and confidently. The second step - warned about the punishment. The third one - you solve the issue harshly: they warned - they deprived it. Warned - punished. Without unnecessary conversations. And to explain it to the children is simple: "Children, I do not want to punish you at all, and you can do so that I will never punish you." Just do what I ask of you, do not violate our agreements - and we will live only in peace and harmony. "How do you like this proposal?"