Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Men and women: why the inequality?

​​​​​​​Time after time in the comments and letters women write to the editor of Psychologos angered messages.

Hello. Tell me please, men - is that, some experts? They are at the bride’s fair, or what? They choose this, and women only develop and develop, work and work on themselves? To men it is not necessary? Thank you for not being gay, not a pervert, not married, etc. But women are better. Why should they be in the position of subordinates? Why did it happen?

Or:

Dear men, you need to understand that times have changed. Everyone continues in the old fashion to believe that a woman is created in order to create comfortable conditions for men, cook for them and "give power." Your views are not applicable to marriage: the union of two equal people. Children obey their parents because parents are smarter and more experienced (by the way, when children grow up, parents already obey them), the general is higher than an ordinary soldier. Unfortunately, a man does not have anything that a priori would place him above a woman: you can not say that the man by default is smarter, more experienced, and so on. If in a particular situation the husband is elderly and intelligent, and the wife is young and inexperienced, she will listen to him, because he is more experienced and cleverer than she. And if the spouses are close by age, by degree of education, by intelligence, why is one obliged to obey another and "give power"?

Indeed, why do men put women in a subordinate position?

Why are the articles on Psychologos (and not only on Psychologos) based on the fact that men are in some privileged position, that women should be treated as if they are some kind of second-class creatures?

Because those who are in high demand in the market can dictate their terms. In youth, the advantage is more often on the side of charming girls who can dictate their conditions to the awkward young men who are in love with them. Here the inequality is in favour of women. In mature years, the situation is changing, and in a more winning situation are sure and well-earning men. However, women who invest in their development, can change this situation and can build their relationships with men - on an equal footing. It’s not easy, but possible.

It’s a short one. And now about all this in more detail.

First. I am sincerely convinced that it is impossible to speak about any advantage of men in front of women. We are all different. Among the men there are intelligent, and near-minded people, decent people and no, living like people and like animals. Also women: it’s not only blondes like the heroines of anecdotes, it’s Jeanne d’Arc, these are the wives of the Decembrists, these are Sofya Kovalevskaya, Hedy Lamar, Mother Teresa, Margaret Thatcher, Angela Merkel and many, many other amazing women who can only admire and to which most men do not even get close enough. We are all different. The difference between individuals in the male and female populations is individually larger than the difference between the average man and the average woman. In any case, women are not inferior to men in intelligence, and if men are better versed in the objective world, then women are better versed in the world of relationships. Men are better at driving a car, but in the kitchen they are worse than small children and do not know in which saucepan - enameled or steel - you need to cook porridge so that it does not burn. To measure men and women "who is better and who is worse" is a stupid and ungrateful thing.

The second. In modern culture, men and women are brought up in different ways. If boys are brought up as men, and girls as girls, then by the age of eighteen we have very different beings before us. Yes, young people and girls have about equally developed intellect and a similar level of education, while boys (I repeat, if they were brought up according to male patterns) have been taught to think in a difficult situation, rather than worry, make decisions, and not be upset. The men were taught to go forward and just a little - do not cry. Men do not cry. Girls are taught other things today, and you know that girls do it well. Girls learn to live with feelings, just get upset, and in a situation of difficult choices, experience and seek an answer within themselves, instead of calmly sorting out, counting the risks and making the best decision in time. In the end, boys were taught from childhood that they were smarter than girls and their business was business, and girls bought dolls and baby carriages from their childhood, they focused on the role of wife and mother and told that it is better not to argue with boys and generally to make the girl not clever to face. Girls begin to play the role of "little fool" simply because they are so brought up, and when it has developed into a tradition, it is easier (cheaper) for a girl to accept it than to fight with it and prove to every rested guy that he is not any cleverer at all.

Third. At the age of 16 to 20, responding to the boy’s loving eyes, just the young girls behave like privileged persons, to the desires and whims of which young men, as second-class creatures, have to adapt themselves. She can be late and offended, to him - for what reason? She can be capricious and stomp, and he must wait until she changes her anger to mercy. Why? Are young people worse than young girls, are they worse with intelligence? You know that this is not the case at all. Just young people at this age are sexually tense, and women find it difficult for them, while girls are not yet married in a hurry, and attractive enough and more adult men around them are already spinning enough. These are the laws of the market: the one who is more interested in the relationship is more vulnerable, and the one who has more offers in the relationship can more dictate their terms. Young people at this age have an unfavorable market position, and they are forced to adapt to what girls will dictate to them.

And whoever insists on equality and swing rights will not sleep with a girl, but with an open window.

Fourth. Somewhere since the age of 30, the market situation is changing. Girls from the market of relations pass to the marriage market, they already want to marry, and men still want women, and not family. We will not discuss who brought up such men, but this fact is well known: while it’s time for women to marry, men are not in a hurry to create a family. They do not want to. What for?

Women want to marry, women need to get married - and men do not need and they do not want. Which of these will be the consequences? Obvious: if a woman needs a family, she must show initiative and she should behave in such a way that a man agrees even to a family. What then is equality?

To this is added an even more unpleasant circumstance, described in detail in the article "Elite Woman as a Life Perspective": on average, there are two women who want to marry a normal man with whom one can create a family. Total, starting from the age of about 30, in a disadvantageous market situation are now women. Now men have more offers from women, and women, as an interested party, are forced to adapt to what men are now dictating to them.

The inequality of men and women is not the notion of one or another author, but the objective circumstances of the marriage market. Ask yourself the question: if your company sells printers and has few clients, will you take offense at moody clients or work on quality printers? So: if a woman wants to marry, she is in the marital services market, which lives by its own laws. If you do not like the market - do not go for it. But if you came to it, it’s silly to get angry at the unprofitable dynamics of supply and demand. You want to promote your product - take into account the dynamics of demand and supply. Do it so that your goods are bought!

Do not want to marry - your right. But if you want and gathered, be ready to meet the requirements.

The woman tries to find something that will attract the male attention to her, which will prove to be her most attractive trade proposal. And what first of all melt the man s he

​​​​​​​art, if it’s not a knight, but the usual Vasya? Vasya does not need anything incredible: he needs to feed, entertain, sex and to listen. It s not hard to feed Vasya, it s not difficult to entertain him, sex - we are not against ourselves, but to argue trifles is really stupid. However, consideration of market requirements is one thing, and capitulation to men is another. Women are narrow-minded, living fears "I do not get married at all", they start dumping, forgetting about any respect for themselves and agreeing to obviously unfavorable conditions for themselves. A man is pleasant to feel smarter than her - she plays a fool, he is inattentive to her and rude - she misses it... This is a dead-end way. If a woman does not respect herself, she will not be respected by men.

Is this the only way? Thank God no. Women wiser do not hurry to marry anyhow for anyone, develop themselves as a person, learn to be the Queen and fall into the niche of exclusives, where they no longer hunt for men, and men fight for the right to be next to her. The queen is out of the competition, she is offered the King’s hand, and at this level respect and love, not the market, governs their relationship. Between people of a higher level of adjustment to each other is no longer a purchase, but a gift. It’s fine!

Are there only a lot of Kings and Queens among us? Yes, there are not enough. And so for all other women, unfortunately, only the market remains. And if a woman wants not only to marry, but also to keep the relationship after the mirage of love, she has to learn the magic mantra "Yes, dear", "Of course, dear," "As you say, so be it, my love!". Yes, this is not always true, given the male shoals, but at least stops unnecessary disagreements and quarrels.

And I would like to finish off again by talking about love. I am the happiest man in the world, because a beautiful woman lives next to me. I love her, she is my wife, and she loves me. She also trusts me, because we have lived together for many, many years. And when I understood and felt that I could become the head of the family, I began to decide which issues we are discussing, and what issues Marina or I solve without discussion. I have been a leader for thirty years, and it is not difficult for me to lead a family. I know how to do it well. When necessary, we all discuss, I listen carefully to Marina, I often agree with her. When I am sure that I do not need to discuss anything, I simply say how we will solve this issue, and the question on this is considered resolved. Individual responsibility for the most difficult decisions is on me. Call this inequality? We call this care. I undertake this difficult work, so that in our family there is always a way, respect and mutual understanding. At us, apparently, it turns out very well.

Tell me, did I answer your questions? What would you like to clarify?

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