Автор: Н.И. Козлов

How to control yourself and your emotions

Фильм "Коммандос"

Герой Арнольда Шварценегера невозмутим, решителен и практически безэмоционален.
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Фильм "Рыцарь дня"

Герой Тома Круза держит свои эмоции под полным контролем, при этом вполне эмоционален%3A улыбается, шутит, делает комплименты...
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Фильм "Майор Пэйн"

Только в комедии офицер может сделать такое лицо в разговоре с вышестояшим. Настоящие военные умеют держать формат!
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Фильм "Железная леди"

Маргарет Тетчер всегда была убеждена, что думать и делать важнее, чем чувствовать и переживать.
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People who know how to control themselves and their emotions are delighted. These are people who know how to remember their goals and not be distracted by trifles, capable of acting adequately when others lose their heads and who are able to remain calm in the most difficult situations.

Where does all this come from? No one will tell you exactly, I will share here what I personally came to in 30 years of researching this issue. On the face of it, ten percent is what is determined by our physiology. Children are born different, people have character accentuations. The excitable type can not cope with its impulsiveness, the labile type is prone to moods, the psychasthenic is afraid of everything, the epileptoid itself scares everyone with its anger, changes in the hormonal background change the nature and type of emotional response.

The rest, that is 90%, is set by education - and self-education. There are three basic habits that provide us with control over emotions, and it’s not difficult for you to assess how these habits are already yours.

The first habit is the habit of keeping a cheerful format, and not upset and sour. This is what any army starts when accepting new recruits: stand steadily, and not floundering, unwrapping the shoulders and not stooping, eyes on the commander, but do not wander around, listen to what they say, and not be distracted, answer what is supposed, and not grumble or complain. The movements are clear and energetic, the eyes are attentive, the intonations are cheerful. When in months of training this will be inscribed in the body, the body will stop rattling and begin to obey the master. This is what creates the real basis for self-control.

This is an extremely simple and absolutely clear indication: either the person owns his body and is used to controlling it, or not. If there is no physical control, psychological self-control is also impossible. You see a rattling in the body - you can not go wrong, assuming a person has impulsive reactions, a change of mood and uncontrolled emotions. In this case, the body completely determines the characteristics of our behavior.

Hint: if you are not in the army, then for the development of the body format the most useful at hand is dancing. And, more broadly - sport! Look. Love the child - accustom him to the sport!

The second habit is the habit of living not by feelings, but by the head. It’s not that you should not have emotions, but an understanding that emotions should be your tool. It is rather a philosophy of life, it is your values ​​and beliefs that important issues should be decidedly, calmly and sensibly, and not under the dictates of feelings. There are people who are not close, who call their impulsiveness spontaneity, which they like to live with feelings, but it is reasonable to live boringly. This is their choice, but it is necessary to pay for this choice in that it is difficult to control your feelings with such a philosophy of life. More about the right attitude to emotions, see the article Left and Right Emotionality.

The third habit is the habit of constructively acting in any difficult situation, and not giving up. Experienced people laze around when everything is fine, and suffer when problems arise. Active people live differently. If there are problems, active people include the head and solve them. If problems are solved and everything is in order, active people go forward to the goals. Which way of life is closer to you?

The more people have free time, which they do not know what to do, the more they are depressed. When you are busy, you are not up to the experience, and the best way to not worry yourself with unnecessary emotions is to do the work. If you know what to do, do it. If you do not know, think. If you have to think for a long time, but the decision does not come all the way - rest, get busy while doing other things, but to sit, do nothing and experience is the last thing. Hymn to the suffering slackers - article How to suffer from unhappy love.

Total, your habits and life principles are simple: I never give up, I always think, always in deed. And - cheerfully forward!

Note: these habits are not psychological at all: they do not have depth, there is no mystery, they are simple as a stool. This is what surprised me most of all in successful businessmen: they do not know (and do not want to know) what it means to "take what has happened," "live here and now," "scooping up pluses," keeping a "diary of successes" and other traditional psychological techniques for normalization of the internal state: they do not seem to need them. That’s right, it is. If you have built in these three basic habits, you are confidently protected from most negative experiences and do not need psychological help.

Yes, you really do not need it. Tanks are not afraid of dirt. What bothers and loads others does not bother you: you solve problems as they arrive and calmly go on.




If these habits have not yet been worked out for you, you need to move simultaneously in two directions: after all, master these habits and at the same time master the science of practical psychology. I can formulate it more sharply. Choose:

Either master these three simple skills, or you will spend all your life understanding your complex psychological problems.

Your choice?

In any case, you - to the Distance, the coach system of step-by-step development of personality. See you!