Once you could lie beside and dream with pleasure, looking together into the high sky, but today it’s hard for you to talk even on everyday topics. You used to like to walk holding hands, and today you do not want to think about kissing him or her... Relationships, sometimes, get out of order, but you have a common home, have children, and it seems stupid to disperse...
If in your pair your relationship got you, but you believe that your relationship curves can be corrected, and, moreover, want to correct them, then to help you the following recommendations. They are not fiction, they are worked out in practice. They are checked, they work, but only for intelligent people who, in their experience, developed and tested them. And, most importantly, these are not abstract recommendations, but clear and working instructions.
Is it interesting to try? Please, we will be happy!
First: the humor of a partner is prohibited. Humor on the situation - fine, humor on yourself - please, humor "We’re funny" - already cautious, and humor "You’re funny" - at least temporarily it’s better to stop. Dangerous. Restore the relationship - return this joy to yourself, but do not risk yet.
The second: we work out the inner Well, for what, first of all, we watch our face. If the person is just about going into strained or unhappy wrinkles - we are making a patch on the forehead. If the partner noticed a tension or discontent, he does not criticize, but waves to us. And we agreed that this is a sign, and now we need to say together with the partner with a satisfied voice and a voice "Okay!"
Third: we agree on criticism. Namely, we agree that we do not criticize each other, and we are not allowed to criticize each other. We take into account that we are not perfect, we understand that criticism will still break through, and we therefore adopt a paradoxical rule: "Criticism is prohibited, but we do not criticize for violating this, that is, for criticizing criticism".
And then, how to reduce criticism?
This is already point four: for their criticism, everyone watches himself. Namely, each writes down the moments when he wanted to criticize the partner, and notes how many times he kept himself. The recommended rate is 50%, that is, you have to restrain yourself in half the cases. Once they criticized the criticism, another time they kept their desire to criticize themselves, they left their criticism with them.
Five: we help the partner. Namely, we monitor not only our criticism, but also the criticism of our partner, namely, we write down those moments when criticism in our direction still sounded. In the evening we transfer our records to the partner, he will check this with his records, and this will be his help.
Attention: you must necessarily agree that during a conversation stand and demonstratively record the conversation partner - not offensive, but normal. It is forbidden to take offense at this.
Six: your criticism can be translated into a reasonable, benevolent and constructive form: in the form of prompts and reflections, how something can be done better. "Do not stop shouting at children!", But "You know, yesterday, in a similar situation, it helped me to come to terms with the children..."
However, in many pairs they braked this: if someone abused or turned them into tips, then an additional rule was adopted: for tips and advice you need to ask for permission. If you want to give advice, ask the partner: "Can I give you advice?". If you were allowed - yes, say. If not - then leave your hints to yourself, and no offense.
And as an outlet, point seven, in the evening we allocate special half an hour for wishes. Everything important that they did not forget, we speak only at this time. That is, if a partner wanted to criticize or teach, then we do it only now, only at this time - and together we discuss how this would sound good and not offensively. The wording "I was very upset when you said with my parents that I’m not very good at cooking" is really not the best, and maybe some other time you will formulate it differently: "You’re right, I’m really not very good I prepare, but it seems to me that it is better for us to discuss this issue between us, without parents. How do you think?".
Intelligent people can correct their relations if they want.
Do you agree with this?