Why am I?
I have five children, all have already grown up and all are decent people, but in my pedagogical quest I went a long way and changed my sights. I started with the desire to give children at once maximum freedom, today my views are different. Today I know that if I do not educate my children, they begin to be brought up by the environment, and very aggressively. And if I want my children to be mine, and not with other people’s brains and values, I take care that the density of my upbringing overtakes the aggressiveness of the influence of television, the Internet, etc. I do not want to raise children whose brains and souls are run by strangers to me people.
And you - do you want to educate your children? Children who share and continue your values? If YES, children need to be educated, and not only by their own example. Education by one’s own example is unconditionally natural, but your best example still does not guarantee anything. You drink your clean water, but the Coke advertising for the baby will still be brighter.
There are a lot of them, but you are alone. They will use all methods available to them, and you chose to be decent. Your hands are tied, it’s harder for you, so use as much as you can.
The question is: whose is this child? - Is yours. Who is responsible for the way it grows? – You are. - Then why is your child already stupidly sitting in front of the TV for the fourth hour, looking through the monotonous clips of Muz-TV? Why was he used to eating cakes only in the evening? Is that how you want to educate him? And if you want him to live a different life, why are you silent? Call your child and give him clear instructions so that he knows how to spend time and what he can eat and what can not.
No? Then you are either in confusion or you are coward. Stop fighting and take life into your own hands. It’s your child - control his life. It’s your duty, it’s your responsibility. If you love - educate! For more details on this approach, see the article "A spacious house with a development line".
Real, bold, strong education of your children by you is just what will give you the greatest joy. At least in our family it was just like that. And specifically: which of the orders introduced by us were (from the height of the past years) the very successful finds? So, I remember ...
Go to bed at 22.00. Children are accustomed to this, after some time, when it was already visible to the naked eye, how it contributes to their health and attractiveness, they became just proud of it.
No computer entertainment. More precisely, they allowed half an hour a day, but with the addition - it is always possible in the morning, before school, if you wake up early. And what do you think, when the children were actual - woke up!
Past the TV. At the same time introduced a different tradition: in the evening, you can arrange a family viewing of the film with a general discussion. The task of children is to choose a film that will be interesting not only for them, but for us, adults, and further it is not so much proper viewing, as looking and discussing what is happening there and what we think about it. Interesting!
Reasonable communication. In our family there is a tradition: for breakfast, lunch and dinner, we at any opportunity get together.
By the way, I was surprised to learn that it is not usual for everyone... It’s strange. All together at the same table - a wonderful tradition!
So, all the years at the table reigned fun noisy, where the children were leading: chatting, telling anecdotes, jerking, teasing... Well, normal children. We watched this, we did not like everything, but I did not interfere and smiled with everyone, because a) I thought that it was all normal and natural, and b) was afraid to destroy contact with children.
But somehow, reading the biography of Benjamin Franklin, I met his warm memories of what they had in a family in a similar situation at the table was always quiet, because the father at this time was leading his conversation with the children on soul-saving topics, telling how live and how decent people should live. And I decided to take a chance. I was scared, but at the next dinner I announced that now free chat at the table is closed, who wants to discuss something - announces the topic. No topic - eat in silence. There is a theme - we discuss it seriously.
It is curious, but nothing terrible has happened, the ground underfoot has not opened, all this has been accepted and the topics for discussion have quickly arisen. Of particular interest for the girls were the themes of how to build relationships with boys, we began to learn to speak theses, listen to each other and not interrupt, began to learn to agree with the reasonable and express their opinion without categorical. In fact, this is called a meaningful speech and is not widely distributed at all, but soon it became a tradition for us and everybody liked it already. A year later, I was surprised to sum up: during this time, my contact with children not only did not collapse, but just strengthened! When I thus demanded order, the children not only stopped arguing with each other, they began to talk seriously with us, with their parents, they began to listen to us seriously - and they heard us! We became closer to each other!
Plus - my authority has become stronger. I have always been an authority for children, but here he rose just to the maximum. Only when I allowed myself to educate - and build - my children as boldly and confidently as I educate and build my employees at work did they respect me the same way that they respect me at work.
This experiment was very successful. My children are already completely independent, they have their own families, but now this tradition also lives in their homes, when a serious conversation is preferable to a whisper.
I think that intelligent parents of their children can and should be brought up quite seriously.