That is, if you say the right words with the right intonation (which I will tell), the children will do what they ask. And if you say the same correct words with the same attitude with a different intonation, more familiar among mothers - children twist their faces and do nothing. It turned out to be quite simple, and if you still did not know how to do it, in a few days you will be able to master these effective intonations. And the children will begin to obey you.
Hooray! Wow! Celebration!
It is clear that here we are not talking about critical situations, when the relationship of children and parents is completely destroyed and the children are consciously protesting. It s about normal situations in normal families, when children, if they are treated effectively, will do what they were asked to do, and if they ask inattentively or incorrectly, they will not. It happens often: dads usually listen to children, but they love Mom, but they do not listen.
I conducted a webinar with my students at the University of Practical Psychology, from one student, the mother of an eleven-year-old son, asked: what to do with the son, if he often "drops his hands" when doing homework, he loses faith in himself and says that with these tasks can not cope. At the same time he is a sensible guy, he studies at the physics school and studies well, but before difficult tasks he often does so. What to do? I, as one of the options, suggested following its format: pay attention to the form of its behavior. My experience suggests that if the child corrects the unfortunate person by a normal face, straightens the lowered shoulders and replaces the text of the unfortunate victim by "I will manage, I m smart, I will succeed! With me, my parents, we will cope with any difficulties!" to decide. I showed how I would tell my son, after that my student, Nadezhda, repeated my words almost verbatim. She said everything sensibly and everything is fine, but I, as soon as she heard it, understood right away that she would not listen to her words, the children will not react to the words spoken by her children. After the webinar a couple of times I listened to the record and understood the difference.
I let you listen to this record to you (at the beginning of the article on the right - a video fragment from this webinar).
Difference heard? Yes, and to what extent do you agree that the intonations of Hope sound less demanding? And if so, then what is the difference? What is the secret of effective intonations?
The simplest answer: effective phrases have an intonational completion of DOWN. Such intonations are perceived as SOLID and are more often considered a man s style.
And the phrases that have completion UP - sound softly, like a woman. They create a feeling of coziness, they give the interlocutor a sense of understanding and complicity, they help to maintain the conversation - but from the point of view of discipline they are not effective. When you need to organize a child, they better not use it. They can be included in the conversation, if you need to attract attention (yes? Here is just the rising tone), but if you want to get your order to be executed, you need to use a downward intonation.
Another of my students, Elena Noskova, added important additional details to this main secret. Namely:
• these phrases are short, "chopped"
• between each semantic phrase - a pause
• the stress in each semantic phrase goes to the "key" word
• the emphasis on voiced consonants (b, p, g, c, d, d, m, n, c)
• the words are pronounced clearly and firmly, remove the "stretching" of the vowels. The "singing" of vowels is a characteristic feature for soft intonations ...
So, when we want to greet and warm someone, we will speak more melodiously and use intonation completion upwards, yes? And when we need to put things in order, now we know how we will act differently. Let’s go! We are training!