Автор: Н.И. Козлов

When the little one commands, or how to respond to a child's cry, or crying

Helen asks:

Good day! I’ve already read many articles, but I do not find the right one... Help, please. The second child, daughter 1 year 4 months. Her behavior torments everyone, including herself. She sort of chooses a "friend" and does not see or hear anyone else. If next to me (mother), then it’s definitely me. If I’m not, then it can be any adult: dad, grandmother, grandfather, native uncle... But someone is alone. Neither of the rooms to go out (neither to the toilet, but to scream under the door, neither to drink, nor to leave), she constantly "monitors" - in a second she will notice that they have left. No, she immediately asks for hands, and if you sit down right away, you do not need her anymore. If you tell her that you leave, then, as lucky, usually begins with tears. With all this, she can play calmly if I sit on the floor and look at her. If only I took the phone in hand, then she immediately needs to me, and the phone itself is not interesting to her. If I sat down at the computer, then she immediately needs me, there is already more to the computer - the buttons are pressed on the keyboard. In the kitchen, she wants to be on her hands only, she does not give anything, the interest quickly disappears, I put her on my stool, give everything to me, but she needs to be in her arms if I stand. If I sit down on the floor, then no longer necessary. When she starts crying, she does not hear anything at all and does not see anything. Natural hysterics, and very often. And only this "friend" on the hands can calm. No one else needs her. I have an older daughter, she will be 4 years old in May. She is completely puzzled by this behavior too. With her there was never anything like this, it was always possible to agree almost from birth. How do I act in this situation? Thank you in advance!


Elena, I know that my answer will hardly suit you, but if you ask me, I answer to you, how I would solve this situation. I would not solve this situation in a womanly way, but in a man s way, that is, in a businesslike and adult way. And in the adult world, they do not react to crying.

Imagine that your baby is in the hospital (there is nothing terrible in this, it happens), and next to her in your place is an intelligent and caring nurse. Babysitting, besides your baby, is still full of things. When the nurse is free (which is not often), she will come up and play, and on the hands of the baby will take: the nanny likes children. But when the nurse is busy, when you need to clean up and do the procedures for the children, then cry, do not cry - the nurse will be busy with his own affairs. The nanny will treat it calmly, because she is at work. And what about the baby? The baby will cry for a couple of hours in a row - and stop, because she’ll get tired and understand that she’s crying in vain: she understands that with a nanny in the hospital it does not work. The baby will soon rest and will certainly try to tame the medical staff to her for another two days, but she is examined for health and in case she is healthy, no one will react to her crying. And then the baby will cease to behave this way and will do more quiet things.

Therefore - first consult a good neurologist and make sure that the child’s nervous system is in order. Suddenly, she does not have enough vitamins. But for some reason I’m sure that your baby’s health is okay, and thank God!

Therefore, I will further suggest that you begin to be afraid. Elena, you are afraid, but you are doing it wrong: you are afraid not of what is really scary. While you are afraid for your baby, she starts to command you. This is scary. It is very bad that you are afraid of her crying and are not afraid of the fact that she is accustomed to dispose of adults and command them.

If you plan to raise her, and not just grow her, the question of power should be determined in the only correct way. In the family agree, do not command. And if they are in command, they are not children, but adults. Yes?

Only in this way will you educate an intelligent and healthy girl. Next - your choice. Can you do it? I hope that your relatives will support you in your efforts.

By the way, if you do not decide this question, after a couple of months your oldest daughter will learn the same behavior. Do you need this?