Автор: Н.И. Козлов

A senior and a younger family - how to build relationships?

​​​​​​​Sooner or later, children leave their parents’ families and create their families, essentially their sovereign states. But then - how to behave to parents when they are in the territory of the family that their son or daughter created? Children still have to obey their parents - or should parents already obey the rules that their children have established in their families? Our practice of counseling tells us the following rules for solving such not simple questions.

General rules:

On the territory of a younger family, representatives of the older family respect the rules of the younger family and do not push their opinions in any form. If the younger family declares any topics closed (for example, they do not want the elders to discuss their way of life and express their opinion on this matter), then the older family has no right to raise these topics. If the representatives of the younger family on their territory want to discuss the way of life of the older family, they have the right to this. In this case, the representatives of the older family may not respond, but they will have to listen to everything: they are not on their own territory. On the territory of the older family, its rules are similarly respected, and representatives of the younger family can not demand that any topics here be closed.

If someone forgot, they do not immediately run into him: first a soft warning. If, however, after the warning continues to violate the rules, you can already run into it, and it does not matter if it’s a representative of a younger family or an older one.

In a foreign territory with the owner do not argue: you can ask respectful questions and discuss, as long as the owner likes and interested.

On the other hand, if I did not object in a foreign territory, this does not mean that I agree with this. I just did not mind, and in their territory have the right to live their own way.

Neutrality or friendship

The behavior of the older family depends on what the younger family offers: neutrality or friendship.

If the younger family offers neutrality, then there is less to discuss and live apart, the older family will take neutrality and in no way participate in the life of the younger family. Meetings are minimized, the discussions are curtailed, you want to live separately and apart - your right. In a neutral territory, the younger family will have a priority: the older family respects its rules.

If the younger family offers friendship, that is respect for the opinion of the other party, the desire to think together, discuss any issues and be together more often, the older family will be happy to respond with friendship, warm relations, respect for the views of the younger family, cooperation and willingness to be together more often. On a neutral territory, the senior family has priority as an elder.

Likewise, the behavior of a younger family may depend on what the older family suggests to her. At the same time, wise people who can be in both the senior and the younger families usually look for opportunities to establish relationships in such a way that a relationship of friendship develops between the older and younger families.


Dear readers, what is your experience? How can and should relations develop between the older and younger families, if there and there are adequate people, although it is possible with different values, habits and worldviews?

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