Автор: Э.В. Гончарова, психолог, коуч
Видеоблог на YouTube

Likes a woman, love and a child

"He loves a woman, he will love a child." I often hear this saying when talking about the children that a man gets with a beloved woman.

Does a man give love to a woman an automatic opportunity to feel sympathy for her child?

As I have to observe, it does not. Very many men at all do not experience enthusiastic feelings towards their children’s children from previous ties.

And is it just the "fault" of this particular man?

As life shows, men even love their own children not so much for the call of blood, but for specific personal traits. If, for some reason, the father does not like the child’s personality, then too often there is no love and strong affection for the child on the part of the father. And if in the situation of biological paternity, the father can ask - where is his own contribution to the personality of his child, so that she evokes his enthusiasm? In the case of an adopted child, such questions are no longer relevant.

Here, the man of this child only sees the first time in his eyes and simply observes ... Observes - what kind of person is before him?

If you follow the belief "loves a woman, will love a child," then it is legitimate to ask the question - does the child have the same qualities of character as the beloved of this man? Probably not. The child has his own set of qualities. Then, why such an everyday fantasy on the topic of all-consuming love from a man? This worldly fantasy has its roots in the belief that they love for nothing.

See videoblog E.V. Goncharova on YouTube

My friends, in this fantasy there was a confusion in terms. This sexual feeling is experienced simply because it is. And once a suitable object has entered the field of vision, it means that the sexual feeling will leap, in and of itself, regardless of what features of nature this sexual object is endowed with. The object should only be necessarily endowed with suitable signs of sex. Sometimes the signs are so luxurious or the emotional diet was so long that the feeling just goes off scale.

They say - love has come ...

Alas ... descends only sexual attraction, which can easily be transformed into love. And it lasts for a while. Sometimes enough that people want to unite in a family. In which sometimes come along with a woman and her children. But the sexual feelings, thank God, in relation to them the man does not.

It is necessary that appeared - love. But it does not arise from scratch. Love people create their own efforts: at the expense of their own qualities and qualities of the opposite side. You also need to create your man’s love for your child.

In this matter, a man would be good to help.

How? Sit down and discuss - with what does he represent his relationship with the child? What kind of duties will he take on the child, who will help him quickly and better communicate with him? At the same time to talk about whether there is something that causes tension in your man when communicating with the child and, in general, what he would like to vaccinate the child, what would he like to pay attention to in education? And for yourself to decide - you, as a mother, are ready to invest in it, will you be ready to support your beloved man in his educational preferences?

And also, mother will need to talk with the child - what kind of duties does he take to ensure that the person with whom they became one family was comfortable and comfortable? (it’s clear that I’m talking about a child over five or six years old).

In order for this story to have a happy ending, it is necessary that people who choose to unite in a family, in principle, know how to love. Would be able to see the dignity of another person, know how to address his best aspects, know how to make people feel smarter, kinder and more beautiful next to them. They could cut their desires for the wishes of others. Would be able to negotiate.

All these skills need to be taught and a little man, as well as all these skills must be found in the man with whom the woman wants to create a family, not to mention the fact that a woman must own them. Otherwise, hoping for the love that will accidentally come to this family is groundless. Again, accidentally raging sexual feeling. For a short time. And it does not apply to children.

How can it not be hard for the mother to hear - her child is just so not allowed into the soul and will make demands, like any other person, will look and look: what is it? with what character? is he obedient? communicative? benevolent? he is well brought up? and so on. Will look and decide: I want to love this little man? And they can quite decide that - I do not want to. Someone by virtue of what in general, there is no ability to love. There is only the ability to experience sexual feelings. And here already, mummies, see who you choose to be your companions. And someone (with an average ability for love) will not fall in love, simply because he does not like a badly brought up little man. Mothers should preferably remember this and educate their child in such a way that people like him. To understand, like or dislike your child to strangers, you just need to set a goal and get feedback on your child. And the sooner you do it, the better. We have too many illusions about our own children. These illusions greatly hamper the creation of a new relationship, a new marriage.

I can say that I repeatedly observed when quite a decent man did not dare to alliance with a woman who had a badly brought up child. Just because it was important for him that his woman would be able to educate his future children.

Hence, the presence of a child in a woman can be, as a big plus in the desire of a man to associate his destiny with this woman, when the child is perfectly brought up and the man understands what their joint children will be like, and a huge minus, when the upbringing of the child was given very little time, only by taking care of the shine in clothes and hair.

Roll up your sleeves, dear moms. Yes, you have a double load - not only you, but also your children should love. To love, looking at them, with a sober look. Not our mother, when we love our "Pups" any up to fifty years. But, if we love them, we must understand that we are obliged to lighten their lives by raising them by beautiful people, to whom many and many will be drawn, because we will teach them to be warm, bright, attentive, hardworking, sympathetic!

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