Автор: Светлана Букеллаль,
​​​​​​​преподаватель в Парижская Академия наук

What can you learn from a European family?

A rational and very useful achievement of the European family - the lack of allocation of responsibilities for women and men, may seem controversial for a Russian person, but it works with a high degree of efficiency.

For example, the decision of who in the family should earn money is taken from the real possibilities of the family, that is, the one who can do it better earns money. And the gender issue does not arise here. If, for the general benefit of the family, the couple agree that the wife must go to work after the maternity leave, because she will earn more than her husband, he will safely assume the function of the father on maternity leave, and paid. This is provided by the state and justified by the rational law of life.

In a European family, in this situation, there is no opinion that the husband is weak and dependent, and the wife is not a "dray horse" who "plows" to feed everyone. These are stereotypes of Russian society.

Of course, it is difficult to apply such a model of the family in Russia’s reality, but people with a business approach, not only look at this model, but also perfectly live in it, especially if they do not conduct a public traditional opinion.

The statistics are that Russian women are ready and many would prefer such a family alignment, but, unfortunately, the male half does not even want to try to take care of the household, about the children and about the parents, even if it is not possible to answer for the earnings . They are ashamed to do this, but, unfortunately, it is not a shame to earn a little and not be included as compensation in the uniform distribution of responsibilities for caring for the home and children.

The business approach of redistribution of roles and responsibilities would be effective in the Russian family if women are faced with the task of calmly and confidently delegating to men the responsibilities of farming and raising children, if a woman realizes that in society she will achieve much more than her husband, will move the family to a higher social level, as well as to teach men to disconnect from the social attitudes of society and begin to master a new model of self-realization.

The European family can easily learn to get along in different cultures.

In Europe, couples with very distant cultures live very well together and are happy. European couples, in view of cosmopolitanism, are often mixed. In a pair can be French and Moroccan, Corsican and Thai, Libyan and Serbian, no one is surprised at this now. Some cultures have more freedom to choose a partner in life, some are more traditional. For example, I happened to be at the wedding of an Indian and a Chinese woman in France, they both speak French and the mixing of the two cultures still builds them according to the basic way of life of the country in which they live, and hence in French. In such pairs, the attitude is more tolerant of the traditional habits of their spouses.

Their art of tolerance is not only about accepting the culture of a spouse, it’s a matter of course, and most importantly, do not impose your culture on a partner, do not load it with traditions, duties and traditional rituals and habits.

This is the great achievement of the European family as a whole, the ability to live, respecting his partner, whom he loves, to be proud of his choice and not to pay attention to the prejudices of society.

At the heart of everything lie the values ​​formed by the independent life of the person in his youth, already outside the parental home. French youth, for example, acquires the experience of living together, tries to live in different cultures and learns to build relationships even before the family is created, and not vice versa, as is often the case in Russia. Therefore, in France there are a lot of families who sign up after five or even ten years of living together and are not in a hurry to do this even after the birth of their children.

In families where cultural characteristics live normally and do not strain the atmosphere, an original world is created in which the husband and wife are partners who can agree on everything. In the event that someone in a couple more strongly insists on their own tradition, there is a risk of parting, so this is a matter of personal space and personal freedom of everyone.

The first unspoken law of the European couple: live according to the lifestyle of the country that you chose, and share your culture exactly as much as your partner is ready to accept. To become a cosmopolitan means to become a tolerant person to all cultures without at the same time renouncing one’s own.

Russian spouses often face a misunderstanding of their foreign spouse, when Russian jokes are too actively introduced. Especially silly phrases from favorite movies like: "Bambarbia - Kirgudu" or "Birdie is a pity", as they apart from confusion, do not create a person. You wanted to defuse the atmosphere, and your spouse, on the contrary, stiffened. A foreigner does not have the same experience of a humorous situation like you.

First, out of courtesy and curiosity, a lover of a foreigner is intensely interested in the culture of his Russian wife, to understand and accept, poor fellow, everything. But if it in turn actively and unnecessarily propagates it, it suffocates with a new "incomprehensible" culture, the partner becomes satiated, and the interest in the person decreases.

Dear Russians, choose jokes for your foreign wives and husbands who are understandable and ridiculous not only to you alone, but to both of you! To do this, communicate more, listen, watch your second half with more attention and create better your common personal funny stories.

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