Автор: Н.И. Козлов

I love you

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​I am convinced that you must start loving your loved one about ten years before meeting him (with her). Why? Because you need to make yourself a wonderful person, and love to learn: to learn to love so that you do it qualitatively and easily. Just like you can breathe.

On the Distance, they learn this within the framework of the exercise "I Love You", here I will describe its content and, in fact, I propose by joint efforts to make a check-list according to which everyone interested in carrying the title of Lovers could check themselves: and I loved today properly? Not hacked, not distracted?

If you are interested in this task, I propose to begin with the poem by Arseny Tarkovsky:

Our meetings every moment

We celebrated as God-worship,

Some on the whole world. You were

Faster and lighter than the bird's wing,

On the stairs, like dizziness,

Through the step, I ran and led

Through wet lilacs to my dominions

From that side of the mirror glass ... (read more)

Let’s go over these lines, find tips that help remember what it is: a life of love.

If I love, I live in joy, and in joy I always have an easy gait. "You were faster and lighter than the bird’s wing." On the stairs, like dizziness, I ran through the stage ... ". Here is the first requirement - accustom yourself to walk with an easy gait. The bored and dreary people walk with a heavy walk. Lovers are happy! So your gait should radiate happiness. Your gait is easy!

There is!

Secondly, in joy we always have a living person. Here is the requirement number two - if I love, I live always with a living face. Not with a boring face, not with a dreary, not with a motionless - but with a lively, open, joyful face! While I love - always with that face!

Looked in the mirror, checked - it was!

"Our meetings every moment We celebrated as a God-given ..." Yes, the appearance of a beloved is not just an appearance, it is a phenomenon. This is the joy from which the soul flares up. Specifically, accustom yourself with every appearance of your beloved flush face, eyes, strengthen your Sunny! In the check-list we will write: "Flash of the Sun". You, a loving, and so a living face - yes, but the appearance of a loved one must, at least for a moment, add vitality and joy to you. Cope, accustom yourself to this?

"Some in the whole world" - this is about your focus and selectivity of attention, about the selectivity of attention and about priorities. So answer the questions: what about the priorities for you? You play on the computer, the favorite came up - immediately switched off the game? You cook the dinner in the kitchen, the husband approached - you have a look at the frying pan, where do you turn the cutlets, or your husband? When you are at home both and each is engaged in their own affairs - how many times a day do you remember about each other? (And what was the figure when you were in love with each other?) Do you approach each other just like that, just because you wanted to kiss? How many times a day? And if you loved each other? In summary, two questions immediately follow from this.

The first is the speed of response to the appeal of a loved one. With what speed do we break away from the case to pay attention to the beloved / loved one? At once? Or somehow later, because the beloved is not the most important thing? But the real priorities are not only the speed of turning your head when your loved one calls you, it’s more. This is a question, dear wife of the Decembrists, about your willingness to change your life if it is necessary for a loved one. This is the question of where the beloved and his affairs are located on the scale of your priorities. How high? Dear men, answer yourself, what is more important for you - your favorite or favorite work? If the work, maybe this is normal - not all men love in the first place, and from this they are not stop loving. But if you have a favorite after a beer - is this a priority?

If a loved one is for you in high priority, if he is for you on a pedestal, then you want to take part in his life, make it lighter and more joyful every hour and day, so the natural question for you is: What can I help you with? How can I make you happy? This question can be both external (indeed, why not ask?), And internal, sounding only in your soul - the main thing is that this issue was incessant, constant. I looked - and admiration. I looked - and the question: "How can I help you? How can I take care of you? How can I please you?".

Internal task "How can I help you?" add the position Second hands. You are the "second hand" of a loved one when, as his second hands, you do what he needs, help him in his affairs, think ahead of time, anticipate the help he needs. The difference with the task "How can I help you" is that there we can decide for ourselves what the beloved needs, and here we do what he really wants from us. There we take care of the beloved at our discretion, but here - we realize his will. Take an interest - usually your beloved likes it much more!

Here, to the joyful care, you have a beautiful task: create and implement 10 pictures of love - pictures, where you are happy from the possibility of taking care of your beloved, where for you the happiness to give him what is important to him. See the relevant article, there about this in more detail.

Work on bugs. Unfortunately, sometimes we are mistaken - we are not perfect, and then instead of help we grieve the loved one, we cause him discomfort, troubles and problems. And what should we do when we have disappointed our beloved? The first answer is not to get upset, it s not necessary. The second answer is to draw the right conclusions and take care that next time such errors are prevented. And the third answer is to say these conclusions out loud so that the loved one will hear that you are attentive to your mistakes, that it is important for you to take care of it. And if you say your findings more than once, but repeat them for yourself in an hour and in a couple of hours, you can be sure - and the error will not happen again, and your loved one will appreciate you even more. Yes, working on mistakes is not the most pleasant thing for us, but how does this value the partner!

And then - learn to please your partner. I tell you how:

Of course, first of all it’s touching, hugging, kissing. You have not forgotten what it is yet? How many times today did you hug your beloved, touched a warm look, in a word, took your hand?

Now - signs of attention. It is not expensive. Sms, just call, small souvenirs from the trip, pick up a gift in advance - this indicates that the question: "Where is your soul?" you have the right answer. Here you just need to remember about your beloved and give him those little things that do not require no money, no strength, but only - our attention.

You are for your lover - an interesting companion. That is - should be an interesting interlocutor. When you were courting, you were ready for anything, you were ready to get out of your skin, but you tried to be an interesting person in conversation: they prepared topics for conversations, memorized interesting stories, read poems, made selections of anecdotes and simply curious stories. Well, this and stay. Love is not just a matter of love!

And if you are also caring, that is, an intelligent person, you will take care of raising the topics positive and joyful, and not heavy and disgusting. Yes, it is not easy, but nobody promised you a simple life. So, take care!

Compliments as a background of communication. Beloved ones are admired. Have you forgotten this? Then for you, as for beginners, I propose a norm: one compliment every five minutes. The main thing is to start!

Let your compliments easily turn into a love brooder. Listen to such a telephone conversation of people who love each other:

M - Girl, please my beloved!

D – What’s your favorite? Simply so or hotly loved? Well, just so loved is not interesting. So ardently loved? The most-most loved one? (Out of nothing, we unfold a whole love story)

M - The most-most. And keep in mind that my beloved is more beloved than your beloved. And do not even think of persuading me!

F - You have no chance: my man is the most beloved of all loved ones.

M – I’m giving up. Girl, and you tell me, when will I see my most-loved?

D - Well, it depends. First, you need to give her the most tempting plan. Yes, are there any tempting plans for you? Why should she meet with you?

M - My favorite definitely will not regret. Plans are chic: I’ll fill her all evening with petals of compliments and give buns of kisses!

D - Terrific, I also want! Only I have a grief today. A terrible, terrible grief! The fact is that my grandmother came to see me today, I need to stay with her, so today I will not see my beloved at all! And I will really miss and think about him. And you must sympathize with me!

Well, the last - the warmest and most sincere - thanks. Gratitude for love and life together. Say thanks!" for a cooked dinner – it’s just courtesy. And sincerely express gratitude for the fact that this dinner was made to you with love - more than politeness, because only love notices love. Moreover, to thank another person for being close to you will be only a loving person. Be loving, be grateful!

Total, we already have a check-list (here you can download):


Write in the comments: did you help check-list? Maybe you added something there or decided to change something? Share your love experience!

Required comments. Distants love love, but are obsessed with efficiency, so the questions poured: how long will it take for all this love? A business when to do? I answer: respected distant people, carefully keep track of time. For all the love of extra time a day takes no more than 30 minutes, everything else - in the background. Check!

Next: but this love your beloved / loved does not dilute? Good question. I propose to recall that criticism is perceived best at a ratio of 7 to 1: 7 positive appeals to 1 critical. And it is the high level of warmth, compliments and gratitude that creates opportunities for your critical remarks to be heard. I can say in another way: the warmth of your love allows you to survive your loved ones even in conditions of rolling and pressing your exactingness. Yes?

And again: we remember that what happens in a couple is not reduced to love. There are also relationships. Relations - the foundation, love - superstructure. There are couples where a strong relationship and no love, there is - where a bright hot love and rotten relationship. Therefore - learn to create high love, but it does not take your work off of you to make sure that the relationship you have been built intelligently.

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