Автор: Анна Матвеева

Better principled severity than unprincipled kindness

Children in our time are usually brought up as princes and princesses. And who are the parents? They are their servants.

One of my friends of those years talked about working with an English couple who rented an apartment in Yekaterinburg - the couple had two kids, and the youngest at the time of the events described was not even a year old. The acquaintance found herself on a visit to the British and politely was surprised that there was only one bed in the apartment. The answer was:

- Yes, the furniture has not yet been bought, the children have to sleep on the floor!

Imagine? The only bed in the house is not given to princes and princesses, but to adults? On the Russian view - savagery, right?

I, when I heard this story, immediately realized that I like this approach. It is thoughtful and true - from childhood to accustom the heirs not to use all available at the disposal of a broad leg, but to be tempered by body and spirit, stoically endure difficulties and, of course, bestow all the best to parents, grandparents - in general, ADULT.

For the years of my parentship, I have seen enough of everyone.

• I saw how my mother allows her son to stuff a basket in a supermarket with chips and some other edible rubbish, so long as he stops talking and does not "dishonor her."

• I saw how a gorged fourth-grader from an allegedly intelligent family throws into the trash a barely-bitten pizza.

• I saw small girls boycott another girl, because her mother - not a machine, as follows from the material and status code.

• I saw a son pulling a candy from his mother’s mouth and resenting how she dared to eat it.

• I saw how children manipulate their parents’ feelings and perform such nocturnes on them that the heart bleeds.

Why do we all do this?

Why would a child have a new phone, if he had not had time to master the old one? Why did he have sneakers for ten thousand and a down jacket for twenty? Why do we deny ourselves what we really need, and spend money, energy, time for another senseless acquisition?

Children quickly become accustomed to parental neuroses - moreover, they are rapidly learning to take advantage of them.

«I’m so sorry for you!" - Mom confesses, hugging a tear-stained girl, who just left the dentist’s office.

Tears dry up instantly:

- Can you buy a chocolate bar?

Why we do this is understandable. Because we did not have the chocolates in the right amount, there were no beautiful outfits and we did not even guess that the child, it turns out, could be an accessory. And our children should live better than us. This phrase, as a shield, covers many parents, who suddenly force circumstances or witnesses to justify themselves.

Why - it is understandable. But what for?

Why strive for the gifted, banned, fat (for some reason they are mostly all fat - probably, in caloric nutritional entertainments they too can not be denied) to children?

With the ease of giving all the best to children, we actually deprive them of the most necessary and necessary.

Actually, I do not really like to sing songs on the theme "there used to be a very different time", but if you make an effort and nod the past ... Children in the previous centuries were brought up differently, and, let this education also had their own bends, and "bent sticks", and "sticks must be perpendicular", in general, from the traditional (in the West, by the way, remember the English!) brought up children were normal, responsible people. Earlier, children helped adults, they had their own duties, they knew that not every desire of theirs would be fulfilled, and that adults - attention! - also have the right to a delicious cake, a beautiful dress and a new coat.

We with you carry out children’s moods long before they appeared, and we justify ourselves by saying that "it’s all so", that "the child should not feel deprived", and in general, "I did not have such beautiful things , so let him at least have it! "

And then the children grow up and in the most sincere, uninhabited manner are amazed: why do parents need such a large apartment? Why can not they buy a new car for the student? And in general, what is the meaning of life, if not in the accumulation of material joys and convincing superiority over a neighbor who has a Fedolaga! - There is not enough money for the toilet-deluxe.

The wisest man in my life once said: "It is better to be principled in severity than unprincipled kindness." I think this is exactly what love for children is like. Wise love!

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